Things I Could Do As a Girl But Not As a Guy

It bothers the crap out of me that as a guy, being good with kids or wanting/liking to work with kids, is seen as predatory behavior. I’m a gay guy who wants to be a teacher, and has enjoyed working with kids since I was like 10, and started babysitting my little cousins, and now, even in the childcare jobs I work at, I’m sometimes worried about coming across as creepy when I even go so far as say goodbye to a kid in front of their parents. And because I tend to work with elementary school kids, the better I am at my job, and the more these kids start to like me, the more they start to want to hug me or jump on my back and stuff and I end up playing this awkward game of “how do I tell this kid who barely understands the concept of personal space that I can’t hug them cuz I don’t want people to think I’m a pedophile”. Also, even though it doesn’t come up much with me, as I tend to be able to pass for straight, there’s definitely an added layer of anxiety for me internally when I deal with this, as I’m all too aware of the “all gay men are pedophiles” myth and find myself consistently terrified of being used as yet another piece of evidence for the people that believe in that shit if I so much as let a kid hug me goodbye.

i have a problem with this typical "female innocence" thing. im only 17 and i really am shy. when i represented as a girl, people thought it was cute and sweet. now that everyone sees me as a boy, that changed. out of a sudden i have to man up or speak up for myself more often. and if i am shy, people think its weak and awkward.

"The sexism I don´t face anymore and the sexism it go replaced by"

Huge Canadian trans dude mood: “I wanna tell this story about a fun time at Girl Guide camp but the minute I do I’ll have to explain wtf my ass was doing there in the first place...”

Men not being able to talk to babies also makes my dad super sad!!! He's just wholesome and he loves babies! But also he's a brown man so he can't really look at ANYONE to be honest

About the looking at children and not wanting to seem creepy: one day my husband told me while we were at the park watching the children play (with our daughter) that he enjoys being at the park with me more than just him and our daughter because he dosent get the weird looks when are together. Things I had not thought about before because they've not happened to me. No one suspects a woman of being creepy watching children play.. I feel bad for the single dads and gay couples in this situation, not only women take care of children.

Emotions. Emotions are a nightmare now. I kind of got in the habit of that when I was seen as female, if I cried, or looked lost, or just looked like I was struggling in general, someone would come along and offer to help. I once was crying in a park and had a couple come up to me, and they ended up giving me 20 bucks and a prayer session because they were concerned. If I'm actually being read as male and I cry in public... Yeah, everyone will avoid me like the plague. They want nothing to do with my emotions. If I used to struggle with groceries, I was used to someone coming along and offering a ride or offering to help or what have you. Now... nothing. Basically, I got used to if I was ever struggling as a woman, there would always be help and support, somewhere, somehow. As a man... even if I take initiative and ask for help... It's expected that I should be able to handle it myself.

I was always a tomboy and people constantly insinuated that I might be trans or a lesbian, making me start to question myself. While my father was always accepting, my mother wasn't and tried to force me to be more feminine. It caused my to have serious self confidence issues. Eventually I joined JROTC and then the Army where I was accepted and even admired for my more masculine mannerisms and interest. Eventually that also helped me start to accept my more feminine side. Now I'm comfortable being a gender nonconformist. Societal expectations based on gender are very limiting and damaging. I'm still the same person in makeup and a dress as I am in in cargo pants and combat boots. I can cry watching romantic movies and enjoy watching horror movies. I can shoot weapons and crochet. Why impose arbitrary limits on a person's potential based on something that's none of anyones business anyway???

In a similar vein to the burping, there are a lot of “gross” or hyper masculine tendencies I used to accentuate growing up as a girl so that people would understand I was “one of the guys”. One that I carried into adulthood was putting effort into deepening my voice or sounding aggressive when I wanted to be taken seriously or while being feisty with friends. It used to get a response out of people that I wanted, or it was “cute” when I was being aggressive because I was non threatening. I quickly learned how toxic this behavior is as soon as my voice dropped. My boyfriend always thinks I’m genuinely upset at him when I’m simply trying to sound serious, or friends think I am mad when I am just being playful. My cis guy friends have been teaching me the importance of softening your voice, and it has been a huge hurdle for me to re-learn these communication skills.

My rule of thumb for complimenting no matter which gender I pass as is something that the person can control. For example, I like your hairstyle, not your waist is so small or your nose is so perfect. It of course changes as I get to know the person, so if I find out that my friend wants to cut her hair but cant I will compliment something else that represents her better.

This is interesting to me as a cishet male who was raised in an almost entirely female household. I learned how to be social and how to interact with girls way easier than with boys and because of that a lot of my teenage life was literally just me trying to avoid being myself to avoid being called gay or judged for it. It was only really this year that I’ve started really being myself around everyone I know, it’s been a very interesting shift in mood. My friends literally call me the least straight straight person they know and I actually enjoy that. Gender norms and hyper masculinity are really not my thing and it’s good that people don’t expect that of me anymore.

As a man I truly hate the fact that almost all of my behavior can be seen as a threat to somebody. I'm just trying to enjoy my life but I have to be conscience of the impression I leave on other people even if I'm doing nothing threatening and just trying to be friendly

Apropos being more comfortable objectifying a man: Your hair makes you look like a prince or a poet, either way it's so good!

This hairstyle really suits you actually. I mean, do what's comfy for you. I know from experience that longer hair needs more maintenance and can be more frustrating to deal with, but you rock it well.

As a bi girl I'm afraid of creeping out women already so I can't imagine if I were to present as a guy,,, this video is so so interesting!!! Thank you so much ❤❤

He transitioned at 25 and here I am since I was 16 worried about having a late, unsuccessful transition-

As a gay guy, I'm used to having the "privilege" of being able to interact with women in a loving way without usually coming across as creepy. It's strange though, and was even more strange when I was an awkward teenager. I have to telegraph my homosexuality or outright come out in order to be as friendly with some women as I want to be. Perhaps that sounds crazy, but I've noticed a marked difference before and after coming out with some women. It reveals how deep the assumption of "Every guy wants to get with a woman" mentality runs to me, that I have to say in a coded way, "Hey, I CAN'T be attracted to you! I could never hurt you like that!" to really be opened up to. (Not pinning the blame on women for this of course, but society.) I've even had one scenario as a teenager where I fell while doing something and grazed the boob of a friend-of-a-friend. That friend legitimately encouraged me to come out to her right then because of how uncomfortable it made her with the assumption I was straight. Nothing changed about the incident, but after coming out she went from beside herself to laughing about it. That's the only time I was ever forced (or pressured) to come out and I'm still not 100% sure what to make of it years later, lol. I also understand the issue with seeming predatory as a guy, especially being gay. I work with 4-6 year-olds every summer and I'm always at least partially aware of how I act to avoid accidentally giving off "red flags," which is a shame. I know most guys in my place of work have a similar issue. Interestingly, I kind of default to coming off as extra gay around parents, despite the "gay people are pedophiles" stereotype. While I usually don't think much of it, I suppose subconsciously I try to turn my nurturing up to 11 so I can read more like my female coworkers and avoid reading "too masculine" for the job. (And I guess maybe it's worked - I get the same compliments from parents and kids that my female coworkers get, and more frequently than my male coworkers.) So tl;dr: I've always found it really weird that my gayness can make me seem like less of an assumed danger to people, and sometimes it forces me to telegraph my queerness when it doesn't feel personally right to do so.

While I'm not trans, I'm a cis woman, I am bisexual. I've known that since I was little. I've always found both women and men equally attractive. However, I understand the fear of "outing" yourself. As a woman, I think I have it easier socially than a man. It's not... I don't know, as hard because of how society answers to women being into women. I stopped caring and if someone talked about a cute girl celebrity, or whatever, I'd just chime in with my honest answer. However, it's seen as "hot" for a woman to be into other women and not so much for men who are into men. I hate that so much. I also hate the whole "well, you're bi, so you just will have sex with anyone" or that I'm "betraying" my bisexuality by being married to a man... being bi is a lot rougher in both the "regular" world and the LGBTQ+ world. I always feel like we're the black sheep. I'm not suddenly not attracted to women because I'm with a man, AND I'm also not like "looking" for a woman to have sex with. The stereotypes of bisexual people is just disappointing for any gender. TL;DR : I feel your pain and can empathize with your bisexual issues, especially.

One of the most apparent differences in my life has been the treatment of mental health. I remember throughout all of my early life in school I would watch girls break down crying or just have a rough time and they would almost always receive immediate help and a walk to a counselor, nurse, etc. I personally am terrified to ask for help in most situations because the response for most of my life has been to "man up" instead of that same assistance. I've seen the same people who jumped to help a little girl, leave boys of the same age to cry in a corner.

Oh my god, saying Kristen Stewart is such a “Hello, fellow straights!” answer 😂