Depersonalization ( I created this melody when I was sure I didn't exist )

This is legitimately what dissociating feels like. Its restless and at the same time constant energy. It never ends and it also never truly began. It always was and never was. Nothing is tangible, only numb sensations that seem hallucinated at best. No way to cling to anything that feels real anymore. Solely a fleeting remembrance of a time and a place where existing would be possible, without any path to access it, and no way to know if it's a product of your imagination or anything more.

This hit home. For a while, creating music was the perfect way for me to express my artistry. In a time of great suffering, it was the only viable way I had to make my dreams of creation come true. By combining my love for art, storytelling, philosophy, pop culture, sound and psychology with my personal experiences, I was able to unleash near limitless amounts of emotion into anything that I created. The opportunities that music held enticed me like nothing else. I could paint my own world, my own unique sound just by putting together a couple of notes. I didn't need to conform to any genres, any how-to's, I could just.. Create. And to me that was beautiful. However - I grew too ambitious. As my personal life was ramping up with struggles, the once 16 year old who made music for fun became lost. He fell into a trap. Not only was my family situation getting worse, but I couldn't handle it much longer. All I wanted to do was disappear. From the day I started, I always foresaw one specific kind of album that I wanted to make. It was music bending. It was immersive, with deep and enriched emotional value which took advantage of an experimental, mostly instrumental approach to make room for the music to speak for itself, and to leave room for as much interpretation and replay value on the listener's part. This album would take everything from my love of what I mentioned earlier, all of my pent up emotions, and use them both to create a beautiful, versatile, and imaginative experience. After the regretful decisions I made during my aforementioned state of crisis, which include the deletion of my two previous BandLab accounts (The platform I used to make music), that once dream album finally became a reality. I have it posted on my channel right now, under the playlist "Lewis - Cortex (Full Album)." If you'd like, you can check it out, I hope you enjoy it and give your thoughts if you do decide to. EDIT: I just thought I'd be nice to share my story, you done a phenomenal job on this melody.

it feels like separation. like you once had something/were a part of something and it was gradually taken from you.

This melody conveys real emotions tho

I had it too. Never got treatment, and the feeling went on for over a year. During that gap in my life I wanted to do nothing but make music. Everything else felt pointless. To anyone going thru it right now, do not push it off. Get help. There is so much beauty in being alive. Great melody btw!

This is the best composition of ALL time, no one can argue. Not just because of the piece, but the story behind it as well. When I was 11-12, I felt like I was watching a movie of my life, with no way to change it. My friends would all leave me and my father died, who was the one who taught me music composition. Such a sad series of events in my life didn't even feel like it happened, it just felt that it was the next part of the grim movie that I was watching. It seemed that nothing could capture the things going in my head, until I found this on my youtube search page.I gave it a listen and I my once broken mind snapped in an instant. I realized that composing was the only way I could cure my dissociation. So, when I was about to turn 13, I started working on it. Eventually, I made a piece (Blue Reverie), to pour my thoughts out onto a simple piece of paper. I feel better now, but listening to this piece reminds me of the dark times I went through back then. Every day I still listen to this piece just to remember that I shouldn't take for granted that I am no longer dissociated. Even nowadays I still feel like the world isn't real. After all, it seems scientifically impossible for everything to exist. Maybe we are all simulations, who knows? I know this seems like a little bit too much, but your piece saved me. From further going into dissociation. Therefore, I would like to thank you for this piece, it gave me a sense of reality, that I wasn't alone during this time of darkness. That someone else with my exact problem could compose something so beautiful. Keep composing, maybe you'll save someone else just like you did to me. (By the way, I just turned 13, which is when depression usually starts settling in. If it wasn't for this piece, perhaps I would've still been in dissociation and perhaps even killed myself to escape the dark movie. So that's why I believe this piece saved me)

This is absolutely stunning. I love every single transitory melody you use to link things together, each little pause and linger, everything. I really feel something with this, and I'm barely to the end of my first listen.

Stumbled onto this from secondhand recommended, and I'm very glad I did. This is like the theme for a villain that you sympathize with so much you can't even call them one. Feels like a far-off tragedy, or seeing a broken world through a mirror.

How TF does this not have more view, this is literal magic.

♥️ sometimes, words aren't needed, listening is just enough :)

Amazing. I've suffered from severe OCD and as a result, depersonalization. It hit me hard for about 2 years nonstop while I was graduating college. Your melody perfectly captures the feeling; depression mixed with anxiety followed by periods of temporary peace.

yeah this is the sound of depersonalization. I'm not even sure how to put into words what I want to say, but this is the 4 months preceding my previous 2. I realized listening to this that that's what I was experiencing because, at least to me, this is...... I'm not even sure what I'm trying to say, but I will say that after listening to this my heart is racing and chest tight because I just relived and revisualised in a new way those 4 months. I don't know if a song has ever been a truer recreation of pure emotion, which by nature is impossible to fully express, in language, all its nuance and visceral-ness. I'm reminded of a line in a 90's country song where the singer says there was another artist who was already well known and renown who, on the topic of being a good musician, asked him "can you make people feel the way you feel?" which in this case, specifically for me, has never been truer

Wow. Every single note here is absolutely perfect. This is one of the best pieces of music I have heard in a long time. Fantastic work!!!

Beautiful. I think we all go through periods of this when we are trying to be an artist.

0:39 my favourite part is this bit, so simple but so good, this tune has inspired me so much with songs i've been writing!!

This is really beautiful - but also empty. It captures the feeling of being in a dissociative state very well. In it's polish, it's still rather raw. It sounds pretty - but with an undercurrent of pain in the background, if that makes sense. I relate to it quite well, and I legitimately thought it was REALLY beautiful - so I wanted to let you know :D Thank you for making this :)

this is really beautiful, thank you. adding this song to my "songs you wish you could hear again for the first time" list

this is so emotional dude, good job! 🔥🫶

So beautiful. Thank you for this.

good shit, i feel like you could've expanded on some little ideas like the run at 1:27, could've been a whole section