Why Can't You Breakup with the Narcissist?

The narcissist has a relationship, not with who you are, but with what you can give him/her

One of the driving things was the hope of getting back to "how it used to be" or "how it was in the beginning".. They were so sweet and thoughful and funny, they 'got you', the perfect partner, the relationship youd always wanted.. Now everythings changed to a hellish nightmare, theyre so mean, nothing like they used to be.. Everyday breaks you bit by bit.. But you make excuses.. Theyre just having a bad day, theyre just upset, they dont mean it , coz you think "thats not the real them", I know the real them.. Turns out the person you met wasn't real and theyre now showing their true colours..It was all an illusion.

Vaknin always calls me out. When I need to be slapped back into reality.. I can always count on this man’s knowledge.

we fell in love with our selves

I am on the austism spectrum and have been with a covert narcissist for 10 years. After the first year she changed on me and I never got the intimacy back she once gave me. It confused me but it was my first relationship so I had no idea what was going on and I was madly in love. I kept spending time with her tried to leave but somehow she kept me from leaving everytime even without getting my personal needs met. The abuse started there and got worse overtime really spotting it after the 7th year. I noticed her dysfunction and saw she was self destructive with suicidal tendencies and became a parental figure for her the last 3 years which she needed at the time. In return I felt needed. Even after all this effort the relationship stranded as I noticed she was putting on a façade of a fragile person to manipulate and use my empathy against me and I had been lured into a trap from day one. There was always going to be some crisis on her end or something that needed fixing. I developed CPTSD and later fell into a psychosis. This is when I finally had the courage to say goodbye.

I have only two reasons to stay in my marriage of 38 years with a narcissist. Number one is the isolation I find myself in and number two is financial reasons. I can not play his sick game anymore and I have no where to go nor anyone to ask for help.

I've been asking myself why I'm a narcissist magnet. You've hit the nail right on the head. I've realized that I'm too weak to say "no" and too insecure end the relationship. I practically volunteer to be taken advantage of.

Nope. Don’t wanna go through that hell🔥🔥again. No thank you. The emotional outburst, the screaming, the pathological lies, the cheating with other men 🤮thievery, nope. I’m good. Lesson learned. Never living with someone, again. My own space, like before.

One reason for staying in that kind of relationship is all the brain wash one has been showered with at church, often for the entire childhood: marriage is for life, through better or worse and you must be able to forgive. For centuries women were financially depending on men and men learned they can get away with murder, with the help of this narrative of forgiveness being the ultimate virtue. @samvaknin, your videos are the only once worth watching on the topic of narcissistic abuse, in my opinion. Shedding light on the role and participation of the partner in the shared fantasy is essential. Thank you.

OUCH !!!! Entraining...I wanted to be needed, wanted to rescue his inner child...my saviour after victimizing me...the pattern became predictable....and then after 28 years..I resigned myself to no other alternative. This is just nuts......and there was no good outcome no matter when I did. just ouch !

I layed plenty of golden eggs during my life as you said 😂😂😂... but I never felt as a victim, knowing that I had been a perfect puzzle piece with narcissists. But now, I love myself and healed my childhood with a manipulating mum, and am not anymore concentrated to fill with love and self-esteem the others to heal and safe them😅, etc . ...and destroying myself. I am not anymore "needed", but can just be in normal and loving relationships. Such a relief !... and such happy and in peace now ❤

No, none of those things for me. I left and lost almost everything.

Emotional masochism is pretty hard to stop. Good luck out there friends!

The problem I think is too many narcissists or lots of people with high narcissism! Its impossible to avoid them.

The brilliance of your intellect and the depth of your wisdom is truly captivating. ✨🧠

I left 4 th of December....🙏...thanks for all your videos...now I need to understand why I have stayed for 4 years...for a big while i see that it has more to do with my "dark side" ...

Thank you, Lidija: 'you need to be needed' that made me deeply realise one of the hidden reasons of why I am now so heartbroken over the failed relationship with my ex- partner/narcissist. Thank you both for all the information in the books and online. Don't know how I could have kept my sanity without it. 🙏

I broke all contact, but this is like the 11th time, so I can't tell you for sure it'll last. Every word in this video rings true. My eyes are wide open. It's been a year, but it's still hard, because it IS an addiction. So annoying, lol

So the obvious jerk in the relationship is the overt narcissist and the quiet victim is the covert narcissist. Not all overt narcs are rich and famous. Open relationships are gross, imo. Shared children and finances are a huge part of it too. Crap. What a mess. How the hell does one ever become healthy then? Wait 'til kids grow up and move away but then you've already invested 20+ years..

As a Cultural Studies person may I add that certain (family) cultures teach women from very early age that, for example, jealousy is an expression of love, i.e. a jealous man is a loving man, a man who really cares. Be@ts means loves, say some elder folks in the post-Soviet countries, etc., etc.