Getting the Love You Want | Harville Hendrix & Helen LaKelly Hunt | Talks at Google
125,321
Published 2016-12-08
Google New York to talk about the book, "Getting the Love You Want" and the Imago Relationship Theory that they co-created, which has the potential to transform all of our relationships, from personal to professional. Harville and Helen have written ten books on relationships including three New York Times Bestsellers.
Harville is a couple's therapist with more than 40 years' experience as an educator, clinical trainer and lecturer whose work has appeared on Oprah 18 times. He holds a doctorate in Psychology and Theology from the University of Chicago and is a former professor at Southern Methodist University. Helen holds a doctorate from Union Theological Seminary (NY). In addition to the co-creation and spread of Imago relationship education around the world, Helen was inducted into the Women’s Hall of Fame for her work on behalf of women and girls. Together, Harville and Helen envision shifting from the age of the individual to the age of relationship and making collaboration and cooperation primary values of culture.
Get the book here: goo.gl/fxjiDD
All Comments (21)
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Thank you for sharing the mirroring step in the listening process. It is a great way to remain connected to the person your speaking to and also creates a pause moment. I'm going to practice this. Thank you
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Even though it would never fly, I love Helen's thought about getting a marriage license being like getting a driver's license. "Shouldn't a couple have to read a manual, take a test and show some proficiency before being issued a license?" That might not work in our culture today where couples wouldn't bother getting married if you have to jump through hoops. But what about this? Why don't we make this training and this relationship proficiency a prerequisite for high school graduation???
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Im going to implement these. Listening, mirroring, logging negativity and also telling your partner three things you appreciate about them. Im going to implement this with my family as well.
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Could you do a seminar with our government:congress, senate, executive office?!
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over 31K people have listened / watched this. People need to have techniques or ways to get alog. Thank you dear ones for doing this talk at google.
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This is fairly cheesy, but I love several things: 1. Intentionally acknowledging the other and really focusing on imbibing what they say. I've been trying to be a more active listener for a while, and I regularly say "I don't understand that" or "I like that" or "I disagree with that" and try to demonstrate I know what "that" is, but I still often catch myself focusing more on crafting my own monologue. 2. Being reliable and setting times to have structured conversations. I'm definitely anxious attachment style, and whenever I have disagreements with avoidants, they frustrate me by stringing me along and refusing to talk. But that just leads to conflict debt. 3. Extracting what the wish is from a frustration and bringing that to the other person rather than the emotion itself. It just seems like a wise strategy, because it means they save time by not having to decode your emotions, and there's not that action-reaction dynamic that often causes people to be unpersuadable. 4. The fact that just saying "This is why you would like blue, and I really get that" can have such a defusing effect, whereas "Blue is stupid" makes the other person double down, is really profound. It's almost like you're willing to give up on certain battles if you can have faith the other person understands you, because true understanding means they'll want you to have a win too from time to time. I've found this tactic particularly useful in political discussions, because I can get why a lot of people have certain concerns and understand how that leads them to their conclusions while simultaneously seeing that the realities aren't simple enough to be fixed with easy, narrow, or dogmatic policies. By empathizing, my would-be opponents feel safer, at which point I'm almost always able to get them to admit things are complicated and that they don't actually have it all figured out.
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My girlfriend & I, both of us seniors, went through this a few weekends ago & it was empowering. We demonstrated before the group & were told to embrace for a full minute afterward, which might have been the best part. Helen's dismissive pat during the hug was just that: dismissive. Had I received that sort of "bro hug" from my wife or girlfriend, it would've negated everything we said prior to. It makes sense to casually hug if it's just a friend, but your wife? Maybe I'm overreacting since touch & affection are part of my love language but I think you seal the deal w/ the ending embrace.
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I'm here after reading is book " getting the love you want "
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This is great. Thanks much for sharing!
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this is amazing thank you both! ♥️
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The 1st 15 mins gave me so much joy.
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That was AMAZING really loved it THANK YOU!!! 💗👀💛
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I wonder whether Imago principles can be practiced when the other person doesn't know about the dialogue process. I also wonder whether the dialogue process can become less formal.
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love this! shout out to George Kazakos to putting me on to this!
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Thanks for sharing this, it was very interesting.
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Great. I’m reading their book and listening to this at the same time.
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Thank you, this was very insightful
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Wished Google would teleprompt the screen so we could see what appears! I have no clue what their slides were reflecting
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Mirroring: some therapists called it reflection. Very good intro to how to fix a marriage!
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I admit, 10% get it right first time! 90% have trouble! This couple is right! They are pouring out the best wine at the end!
