Rick Warren Testimony: My Son Matthew's Suicide & How Ministry Flows From Deep Pain | Praise on TBN

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almost 3 years ago, at almost 22 years old i almost took my own life. I was abused as a kid, broken, depressed, anorexic, bulimic, suicidal. I went in & out of psych units like it was a game of Chess. Suicide watch. I was on enough Antidepressants to kill a horse. I hated myself. I wanted out. I wanted the pain to stop. The gaslighting* to end. *(when a psycho makes a sane person question their own sanity, and thus think they themselves are the insane one).
I wanted power. I got into witchcraft. I thought it would give me the identity i wanted, to be set apart from people who hurt me. It only made me sicker. Sicker. Thats what it did to me.
The doctors said i’dnever get well. That i would suffer severe Chronic Manic depression, and never be well, that id be stuck on antidepressants all of my life.
I would plot suicide on a daily basis, binging and purging my food as often as opening and closing a door. The pain was too real. People choked me. Assaulted me. Told me i was ugly, i felt worthless. Nothing ever got better. Then my mother died. The (1) & only soul who ever loved /emotionally supported me was removed from the earth. I was stuck living with people who broke me, ruined my identity, thus causing me to hate God. I thought God hated me, that he was just like the ones who tortured me, a family of abusers, who cover up all their actions with the mask of religion. I didnt know that God is on my side. I didnt know that Jesus would Love and Defend me, and fight for me and that He later would heal me, rescue me from Family. The ones who caused me pain. The ones who choked me for wearing a necklace.

I moved out after family threatened to throw all my belongings on the front yard, and have me permanently institutionalized in an insane asylum, when they were the ones who caused my mental illness via abuse.

They blamed me for the abuse they did to me.
To take my life in an insane asylum when they were the ones who made me suicidal.

Next morning i spoke with my dead moms parents who let me live with them.

I stayed on the antidepressants, prescribed. But they only made me sicker. I got deeper and deeper into witchcraft, thinking it was a solution. But it made me even more suicidal. Self hatred was inescapable. All my cards have fallen down. I have nothing left. But out. I wanted out.

I decided i was going to kill myself. I was going to take all my pills.

But then Jesus stepped in. I didnt die. I surrendered my life to Jesus to make me well and heal me.

The deity i blamed for me being abused wanted to heal me. He Was fighting for me and Loved me all along.

He wanted to love me. He wanted to give me His Heart.


HE LOVES ME. JESUS. LOVES. ME .

Jesus miraculously healed me — i am off all drugs and dont need them and i dont have any mental illnesses. I have a job and am totally healed , full of joy.

I’m now a born again Christian, in my 20’s who wants the entire world to know that JESUS WANTS TO HEAL YOU

HE. LOVES. YOU.

"The deeper the pain, the fewer words you use." Pastor Rick Warren

I had a troubled childhood, grew up depressed. There were times I had wished that I was not born into this world at all. Had I not found the love of Jesus Christ at the right time I wouldn't be here to watch this video today. The best treatment for extreme mental depression would be finding the love of jesus Christ ......

People have empathy for a broken body, but very little for a broken mind. Thank you for sharing this painfull story and help people to understand that chronic depression is reall and thank you for sharing your story. Job’s friends understood the ministry for only one week. they kept quiet and then they blew it! Can soo relate to this

I believe that God has called me to minister to people who are struggling with mental health. Pray with me for strength and power as I embark on this journey.

Our Caitlyn died by suicide at 12 years old. We miss her so much. She was precious and beautiful. We will never be the same. It changed our life forever. Rip Caitlyn.
Forever 12

My son committed suicide on February 22nd, 2021. His Birthday would have been yesterday. He would have been 41. I am so sad.
I have a group of people surrounding me. I do not know what I would do without them, to this day, Mother’s Day, 2021.
He was loved for all he had done over his life in helping others too. I am still in shock, but also pain. I try to suit up and show up for the most part, but honestly it’s going to be awhile longer before I’m strong enough to help anyone with the kind of strength shown here. I will someday, but till then I’m just trying to be with God in solitude, and writing what God gives me to do.

Brother Warren, I lost my 24-year-old daughter to suicide. This has been over 2 years ago. I have never experienced anything as painful in all my life. May God continue to carry you and your wife daily. My wife and I have never been the same. We also hold on to the grace of God. The words God has given you in this short video are precious and meaningful. I hope everyone who has been touched by this type tragedy can take away: you are not alone, and God’s grace will empower you to not waste your one drop of your pain. I write all this with great humility.

Many saints suffered from depression. Suffering with depression is a heavy cross to carry. May Mathew RIP.

This is rough. Faith doesn't deny reality. My youngest daughter struggles with depression. I know what he is talking about and my blood runs cold. Everyday I have to put her in Jesus' hands. The things she confesses to me are heartbreaking. I watched this transformation take my baby girl as she approached puberty. There was nothing I could do but watch her fall apart. Now she is 23. We just celebrated her birthday. Never stop praying for and loving your child. Ever! Trust God's grace. The cross was enough. This is our only hope and sanity and why people need Jesus.

I lost a brother to suicide in 2013. His statement: show up and shut up was spot on. I had one person who did just that. There are no words necessary because no words can ease that deep pain.

Don’t waste your pain. Use your pain as your purpose to help someone else.

"The lord is close to those that are crushed at soul and that are broken"

I know what deep depression feels like. I lost my 12yo daughter, Lana, on Feb 24, 2020. I can’t even choose joy when I wake up everyday with a broken and empty heart. I only manage to live day to day for my 14yo daughter, Jadyn who witnessed her sister get ran over by a truck. I long to be in the presence of our Lord, Jesus. Jesus... please come soon! 🙏🏼

My mother suicided at age 21..left m 6 mths old brother, me 19mths old and sister 4yo. Dad a soldier has a heck of a ride . Life's been very hard so I'm pleading please don't suicide, the pain and destruction left behind is more than most can bear. Watch your families your friends, save them

My husband committed suicide in March of 2019. I literally felt like someone cut my heart open and he walked out! I don’t no where he is now but l do know that God never allow something in our life without a purpose he is still the Lord of my life even though I’m still in pain l can make it because of the finished work on the cross. Keep the faith Saints.

Rick Warren will never know how much he saved and changed my life by helping me to understand more, how much Jesus loves me. God Bless Him and his late son. RIP Matthew.

It’s the kind of tired sleep won’t fix.

"How do u choose joy when your heart is broken to million pieces?"