The Harsh Reality of Being a Foster Parent

Let me set the record straight because I'm seeing a lot of assumptions in comments and I think a few points in the video are being lost: 1. Yes, we admit we violated confidentiality. We messed up. We agree we should receive this violation. 2. The care we give to the kids who are placed with us or the positive impact of this channel has not been in question. 3. This frustration is with the lack of information, the way in which we are being treated, and just the overall situation. 4. IT IS NORMAL AS A FOSTER PARENT TO FEEL THESE THINGS! And it passes, and you get back to doing what you have to do for the kids.

It appears the system prefers indifferent neglectful foster parents than those that pour their hearts into it.

I’m in foster care and with all the different households I’ve been in I’ve realised that the foster care foundation actually prefers parents who don’t question them back and do as they say, however my parents have debated with them in many cases for my sake simply because they truely love me and want the best for me. It truely is a weird dynamic because I can’t tell if foster care exist to help children or not

As a former foster child who is now an adult and ended up in a home that didn’t provide me with the love and support I needed. If you can provide the children in your home with that please don’t give up. People in those kids lives have already effected who those children will become in a negative way. If you can change that and help these children heal in any way, please don’t give up, no child should have their childhood taken from them. I became a social worker.

There are foster parents out there that neglect and abuse their foster kids and it’s no big deal to the system. But one alleged mistake from people who give it their 100 is a big deal. 🙄

I find it problematic that a person can have a violation for being on youtube but other foster families can have a bazillion children in their home and only doing it for the money and that seems fine.

My wife and I brought I a newborn baby boy from the hospital and his 2 sisters that were 4 and 5 when they came here. We poured ourselves into these children for over 4 years, we became family..the bond that was formed is such a strong connection. They were sent to a home trial after 4 years to the biological mother and that was it, she cut off all contact right away, we thought that we would still babysit sometimes or still be a part of their lives somehow, but after 4 years, it was over that fast. It has devastated us all in such a way I can't even describe. We miss those kids everyday, it's been a year ago today since we've seen them. I especially miss the little boy, we were inseperable, always playing and always together. Nothing short of a father son bond. I hope no other foster family ever has to go through anything like this. We have tried to make contact or just see how they transitioned, but no luck.

I was a foster parent 20 yrs ago. It saddens me that the system STILL does not value its foster parents.

We were foster parents for 6 1/2 years. Our license was closed because we were not “active”. I’m currently helping take care of my father and couldn’t commit to taking kids in. My foster kids are my priority. Even though our license will not expire until December 2022, we were told we would have to go through the whole process again. I feel like we are being punished for taking care of our family. I’m not sure I will foster again. 😔

The kids you’ve taken care of appreciate you more than you know. The people at the agency are a big part of the program but they don’t matter as much as Miss A and the new kiddos plus your former fosters. You may not impress the folks at the agency but the kids are loved. You are doing really well. Take a walk, sip tea in a warm bath, hug all 5 kiddos and remember that you matter to those who matter most.

It’s hard to be such a caring person in this world but remember: “Be soft. Don’t let the world make you hard.” Your empathy is such a gift and those foster kids are lucky that you are sharing that with them. Keep doing what you’re doing! Be passionate, be loud, and never stop caring. That’s what the foster care system needs 💖

Why is the system being worse with foster parents than with bio parents that have screwed or are screwing children’s lives?

Well if the agency is reading these comments at all, I hope they realize that some of us are here watching your channel to help us decide whether or not to get licensed. These real stories are the information I feel like I need to make a final decision.

We took a year off from 2018-2019. We had some kiddos leave and go back to a situation we didn’t think was safe and it was all just too much. We came back with a different agency and have had 5 placements and an adoption since then. I’m glad we took the year off to regroup and find our passion again!

I did social work for 3 years. I have a masters in psychology / mediation. I thought it would be my life’s work (!) but I only lasted 3 years and part of it was abysmal pay, expectations to be available 24/7, mismanagement, realizing the higher ups did the least but were paid 10x what those of us actually in the field were paid, and not feeling safe after I was assaulted by a client (not his fault, he was severe ASD and needed to be in a more structured, staffed environment) and… Covid. Covid just did me in. It was insane - all the extra red tape and staffing issues and almost zero extra support for my poor clients. I just couldn’t do it anymore. I was a shell of a person! Many tears leaving my clients. I’m sure you relate. So sorry. It’s super hard. Thank you for sharing your experience and thank you for helping these kids. Hugs

This upsets me. You here so many stories about bad homes that don’t get closed down. You two are wonderful. It will get better. I guarantee they don’t want to lose you.

A lot of the turnover is due to the corruption that goes on within child protective services. I know 2 former caseworkers who quit for that exact reason. One of them claims she has PTSD from it. Unbelievable amounts of corruption.

As a biological parent, i just want to thank you & let you know how valuable your caring & nurturing attitude is. I stumbled upon your videos recently, around the same time that i had realized not all kids in foster care were put there because their parents didn't want them, & also around the time i was learning of abuse happening in foster homes. Around the same time i actually had my own kids taken from me, due to a family member having a substance abuse problem, & it was devastating, but seeing such a caring person like you as a foster parent was extremely comforting to me. My parents are getting certified to temporarily be foster parents, & i know my mom is practically at her breaking point, because of the amount of pressure they're putting on her, & fear of failure. You are not alone in feeling overwhelmed by the requirements. They have so many rules & expectations for foster parents that it almost seems impossible at times. Fortunately, in my situation, it looks like I'll have custody back very soon. But please know that your love for the children you foster is so immensely appreciated!

As a fellow Ohio foster parent, my heart hurts for you. It's so clear through your channel what your intentions are and to feel so unappreciated and unvalued is such a blow. Please know that the Be The Village community is behind you every step of the way. We see you, we appreciate you, we value you. Thank you for being this resource, you truly helped me on my journey into becoming a foster parent. I can't wait to see what you guys have next. ❤

Stay strong Mama Bear! Don't back down from your convictions. The Be the Village community is strong - made that by you, with you. You are doing an incredible thing, and sharing important information. I'm sorry that someone felt the need to make you feel otherwise. They are wrong. At the same time, thank you for sharing your vulnerable thoughts and feelings with us. Knowing that people don't do that unless they feel safe means that you have a safe, supportive environment. So glad to be a part of it. Sending you a virtual, socially distanced bear hug!