A Nameless Dread: Understanding Psychotic-Level NPD

Your compassionate approach to NPD is so refreshing. Thank you. Having this disorder is genuinely frightening at times - realising how much of life hasn't been truly real or authentic, and that almost all issues with relationships, parenting, friendships and career are due to defective, maladaptive behaviours and actions. The struggle to feel connection, love and inner peace is exhausting, and many of the feelings and experiences enjoyed by others often seem inaccessible. It can be a very lonely existence, even when around other people. People with NPD don't want to be bad people, or inflict hurt on anyone. But they sometimes do so because of their fear response, self-esteem, and inner anxiety/turmoil that pervades many parts of their lives and decision making. NPDs are demonised for their destructive behaviours, and there's also so much anti-NPD content online - which means trying to research the condition can unfortunately reinforce an already negative self image and feelings of shame. But when people realise why we sometimes act like frightened or angry children inside adult bodies (trying to navigate a world that is both confusing and scary), then this horrible condition can be reframed as childhood trauma sometimes being re-enacted on others - rather than premeditated, deliberate acts of aggression or hurt. It doesn't make some of our behaviours acceptable, but its helpful to see NPD as a complex disorder of mind instead of someone with a rational brain that wants to cause harm. It's like a Jekyll and Hyde split personality, which the person has very little control over when triggered. This is what makes life so difficult for partners, children and family members, as they never know who they're going to get (and neither do we...). As a scapegoated child of a grandiose father, I've come to realise I created a false self a long time ago to cope with and navigate life. Despite telling myself I would never be like him, I repeated many of his behaviours and actions - like a computer program on self destruct (along with many narcissistic collapses and a feeling of mortification which is truly terrifying). I wouldn't wish this condition on anyone, and the hardest part about becoming self-aware is the realisation of all the damage done, the un-reality of much of our life experience, plus the constant desire to go back and do things differently. My longing to go back and have a normal healthy childhood, and re-live adult life more fully with more love and connection is overwhelming (probably not helped by an NPD's propensity to use fantasy as a coping strategy). Contrary to popular belief, narcissists do feel regret and guilt, and we do apologise. I also think we are capable of feelings of love and empathy, and that many of us are self-aware for a long time - just not necessarily that we have NPD. Many seek help or read books on anxiety, anger or depression as they know something's not right and they want to change. Many also thrive (as I did) well into their 30's before life's challenges and responsibilities begin to magnify the NPD traits and test our fragile defences. The false self is maladaptive, but it can serve us well - until unfortunately it can't cope with the overwhelm any more. It's genuinely tragic that people with NPD were traumatised in childhood by the people meant to be their caregivers. Then we can often repeat this traumatisation on others, and as a result we feel even more shame, anxiety, detachment and depression when life unravels, and we realise who we are (and what we've done). Medication and therapy can help, and I think healing/recovery of the inner child and true self is the main goal - assuming it isn't damaged beyond repair. Psychadelics are also showing some therapeutic potential for self compassion, connection, and understanding the subconscious thinking patterns (and hopefully re-wiring some of them). By far the scariest part of the condition is when you begin to wonder if your false self is all you have in life, and whether your true authentic self can be accessed and integrated. The irony is that after years of feeling special and different to others, what we actually want is to be normal and 'ordinary', and feel the full emotions and human connection so cruely denied to us as children. This channel is a big help, and I'm so grateful for the time taken to create such insightful content. It means a lot that you understand and empathise with the NPDs complex inner world 🙏

The model of narcissism/psychological delusion you've described here reminds me of Dostoevsky's characters in The Brother's Karamazov. In very broad strokes, Alyosha moves from neurotic (hyper-religious, isolating, and idealizing) in the first half of the novel to a healthy phycology, but only after the death and 'humiliation' of Elder Zosima (the object of his idealization) and him leaving the monastery (his place of isolation) -- his beautiful speech to the boys after Ilyushka's funeral seems to represent this. Ivan moves in the opposite way, he seems to have a effective personal defense mechanism at the beginning, but he eventually experiences a complete psychotic regression -- goes so far as to start experiencing hallucinations of the devil. Ivan swings between a state of psychopathy and borderline, but at the end of the novel he has a chance to regain a sense of reality, but that really is left up to the reader.

A new Heal NPd video droped, let's goooo. Thank you mister Ettensohn <3

Found this channel via a Tumblr post, by what I hear those with NPD tend to be quite approving of this channel.

Once you are done with this series, can you please give a case study of someone who came out on the other side of the psychotic or borderline level of narcissistic defenses? When you have a lot of people splitting that are the victims it's nice to have a tangible example of the success. To show the timeline someone went through to slowly develop their ego would be fascinating and hopeful to people struggling with this in their life.

I was in a relationship with a woman with NPD for 15 years. I stayed 15 yrs too long. Under the spell and manipulations, i fought for her and protected her until our split. Never had anything but love and empathy shown to her. She from out of the gate, began a smear campaign against me that I was an abuser. She is malevolent and tried to kill me with her bare hands, has had other people in works to kill me, comitted arson against my property, tried to alienate our child from me. That is only a drop in the bucket. I will keep it short. I stayed way too long, as not to abandon our child for the most part. When dealing with NPD/Borderline/ Antisocial Psychopath behavior, it is only a loser for all involved. Pathological liars will never come clean or be str8 with you. Parasitically machiavellian behaviors with control/ power, all that matters over everyone else. It is what they need. They indirectly destroy the good for them as well as they only see the power and control they so desperately need. You, your child or whomever will only suffer by trying to help. Leave it to the therapists. Helping and being successful at fixing her sabotage, only created contempt and rage with a desire to do me in. Be careful

For all the attention “Narcissists” get online this channel is massively slept on! What advice might you give to someone trying to become a psychologist looking to specialize in personality disorders?

Yessss!!! Thank you for covering the psychotic organisation. Love your content and work Dr Ettensohn. I put your videos on when I'm lonely and spiraling and you bring me closer to stability. Thanks for giving me this resource & reassurance <3

I was afraid you had stopped making vids and I'm happy to see you and hear your soothing, friendly, methodical voice again. Your book helped save my relationship, helped save me. I really can't thank you enough, I practically feel like a person nowadays.

My ex was absolutely psychotic. His eyes would grow wide and he would yell at me for hours making allegations of things I “ planned “ to do to him it was frightening for me it badly affected me all the while he was planning behind my back to betray me . I try to have empathy for people who exhibit NPD but when they harm others especially you it’s difficult

Thank you from the bottom of my heart. The only way we truly heal is through compassion. Always speak of compassion first. I'm humbly encouraged for the first time.

Thank you for making these videos. I used to be one of those people that frequented the echo chambers which stigmatized and dehumanized people who suffer from NPD. I am currently in a relationship with a girl who I suspect has NPD or perhaps BPD and your videos have helped me to have as healthy of a relationship with her as I possibly can. It’s difficult and requires a lot of effort but thanks to you and your content, things seem to be getting better as time goes on.

Very informative and compassionate video. Thank you Mark for your honest and hopeful video for those dealing with developmental issues. ❤

I very much appreciate what Dr. Ettensohn is doing in this video and what he plans to do with future videos. Again he explains things clearly and with authority but always with compassion. He never strays far away from the idea that people can heal despite their diagnosis or their level of disorder. I worry about this video. I hope he will post the next one soon. I am active in communities of people who either are diagnosed with NPD or feel that they have characteristics in line with the diagnosis of NPD, but I also see a lot of people who still have a lot of misconceptions about what NPD is. I even witnessed quite a few people who self-diagnose in ways that are not authentic or helpful. I think these people are searching for answers, but are obviously not qualified to make that diagnosis of themselves. It seems like what's being described in this video is rare. It seems like this is at an extreme edge of a spectrum of personality organization that is not saying that often. I would hope that in future videos, he will discuss that. I worry that people are going to pick up on some of the things described in this video and say... Yes! That's me. As a person with diagnosed NPD, I recognize that this is not me. Pieces? Small parts? Absolutely. But I am much more interested in his next video when he will talk about borderline organization. Not to be confused of course with borderline personality disorder. Let's not forget that he's making these videos to not only help those of us with NPD learn about ourselves and to heal but also to educate the public. Like any clinician, to do his work effectively he has to discuss the topic as a whole. Each of these videos is not meant to be the key that unlocks all of our doors and frees us. I think if you're watching this video and you haven't watched many of his other videos, I would go back and look at some of the videos where he talks about the overview of NPD and the misconceptions about NPD. While these videos are incredibly helpful and always crafted in a way that makes it much easier for us to understand these complex issues, they are not a license for us to become therapists or psychologists. Watching the video three or four times and picking up on the terminology doesn't mean we understand it the way that he does. We are at a crossroads. We are at a moment in time that will not likely be seen again as far as NPD is concerned. Those of us diagnosed with this disorder are not only struggling internally with the healing process but we are also living in a world where we are treated like villains and monsters. And this treatment is tolerated and promoted and exaggerated in order to get likes on social media. Or to sell books or to sell tickets to lectures. It is a time for us who have been diagnosed and for those who have legitimate reasons to believe that they may be showing sign as a pathological narcissism or NPD to stand up for ourselves. To force the world to recognize that we are people with a mental illness that does not define us. Our disorder does not determine our fate or our future. And it is a disorder that can be addressed through therapy and from which we can heal. This entire channel is called HealNPD. More than one professional believes that this is possible. This is one place where you can get help and resources if you want to get better.

I’m excited for the next episode. Glad to have you back!

You’re the best. I watch all of your videos regardless of relevance. Thanks always!

Thank you so much. <3 Good to see you not giving up on helping people.

Thank you for explaining in such informative depth what many including myself find confusing about someone we care about.

Any well explained information like this is desperatly needed for all humanity to study.

This was so helpful and hopeful. Thank you Dr. Ettensohn!