Understanding the Social Behaviors of Girls with ASD

Nobody seems to mention, that children without autism can be extremely mean to others. Has anyone considered that solitary behaviour may be a protective mechanism? If you are clumsy and uncoordinated as either a girl or a boy, you will not be welcome in games. If you don't want to gossip about other people and aren't interested in fashion and make-up, you will not be welcome in girl circles.

She does not seem to understand how difficult and exhausting socialising is to autistic children, forcing autistic girls to take part in more JE would make things worse, they take breaks because socialising is hard work.

I think the bigger problem is getting the other kids to be more welcoming and understanding of the kids that are different. Yes Aspies have quirks but they tend isolate themselves because they get negative feedback from peers. It's easier to be with adults or alone than to face constant rejection because they are a little different

I still have extreme difficulty joining a group or conversations. I'm labeled shy, snob, aloof, awkward because I prefer to be alone not bother with socialization.

Why would you want the AD girls to spend more Time in JE. It is probably already highly demanding for them. Maybe they need their alone time to recharg, for their sanity and simply to be happy. Making them spend more time with their peers is just another way to make them fit into certain social standards that are not theirs.

I have to agree with all the other comments here. The findings of the study seem sound, but the conclusions and aims stated at the end sent a shiver down my spine as a woman with ASD. I spent so much time as a child forcing myself into the 'joint-engaged' scenarios but AT BEST that meant silently suffering through discomfort and boredom. I had sufficient (masking) social skills to build a group of friends and not be an outcast, but internally I could barely tolerate much time in their presence despite thinking they were 'nice enough kids'. With no language to describe this and no external recognition, my internal experience was not only incredibly isolated, but also with an alienating sense of unreality. The only times I actually enjoyed were solitary or with adults, and the only reason I didn't spend all of my time alone was social pressure and my internal desire to fit in and utilise the power of social connections. As I got older this became more and more difficult to tolerate and I would 'hide' from my friends in the library or simply alone in a corridor as often as I could. By mid teens I had become so depleted that I had a breakdown and point blank refused to see any of my friends again. They were no doubt very hurt and confused by this, as on the surface I was reasonably popular and well-liked (largely due to my 'mentor' or 'therapist' role in the group). 10 years after leaving school I am still in therapy for severe c-PTSD, in large part caused by my experiences of the school system. Looking back I desperately wish I had been given the opportunity to move into some kind of alternative education which allowed me to socialise and learn with older people. I was also enormously academically advanced and spent all of school stultifyingly bored, so this would have worked well in every aspect. If, as this speaker suggests, I had been pressured into spending even more time with my peers, I can only imagine this would have increased my misery and distorted sense of self (a factor in c-PTSD), pushing me to the point of breakdown even earlier in life.

This was me. I used to sit with a couple of other girls, but never quite understood what was going on. Maybe that was why I also spent quite a bit of time just wandering. By high school this got so bad that for a couple of years I spent less that half of my days at school. I used to just sit in parks and wait for the day to be over so I could go home. I ended up dropping out of school at 14, despite being smart (I am now completing a PhD - better late than never). Not being diagnosed has made my life a train-wreck. Bad marriages (it is so hard to spot people with bad intent), a lack of friends (no-one to point out just how bad my decisions were), and a whole heap of self-medicating. Finally, 2 years ago, at 46 I was diagnosed. Such a lightbulb moment - finally it all made sense. More recently, early onset bipolar was also identified. Sure, the times were different when I was growing up - I am not sure that I would have even qualified for a diagnosis under the criteria at that time. But, I am sure that if assessed, it would have been noted that something was wrong. For that to happen though, I would have had to have told someone what was going on. But I couldn't connect - I couldn't mimic behaviors I had never seen. I am so glad that it is finally being noticed that girls do autism differently. I hope that others don't have to endure the train-wreck.

Is increasing social engagement really the answer? Perhaps supporting self-understanding and self-acceptance of ones needs - would be even more beneficial ...

I used to roam around at recess near the edges of the fences or up on the hill pretending I was a lost child in nature and had to fend for myself, stuck in a 45m day dream 5 days a week to escape. It's what kept me going to school everyday.

I would have never wanted MORE engagement with girls.

🙋 I was the girl spending the e n t i r e recess on a swing Every Single Day Also talked mostly to teachers throughout much of my school years

I’ve lived all this before ASD in girls was even recognized.

I NEED space or I get really exhausted and irritable. Forcing them to socialize longer than they want will just cause stress & tension between relationships.

Very interesting video. This makes sense. Games have a starting point, where kids decide who’s playing and who’s not, so the exclusion of ASD boys is explicit and obvious to see. Girls “flit” around the edges trying to fit in but never fully understanding how the other girls find it so easy to interact.

So the control group was selected specifically because of their proactive social skills. Therefore you are comparing those with autism to the most developed of the neurotypicals that skews the results.

First, I want to point out that without this research, I wouldn't have been able to tell you what your next steps should ACTUALLY be. So thank you for the research, thank you for sharing so much about you study design/research methods so I didn't feel the need to look these things up to fact check. But then you went and made conclusions/theorized, you missed AN INCREDIBLY IMPORTANT PART: You need to take your gathered data, and you need to find successful and articulate female young adults/adolescents (i.e. who still remember early school years and whose early school years are recent enough to be most relevant) with high-functioning autism, preferably those of us with IQs a few standard deviations above the mean (yeah, I'm one of them, I'd love to answer any questions or have almost any academic conversation that you'd like), and you need to ASK THEM WHY THEY THINK THE AUTISTIC GIRLS MIGHT BE ACTING THAT WAY. The one conclusion I think has merit that you briefly touched upon: - Most successful aspies mask our symptoms really well, but you observed kids in the early childhood years when we were still making a bunch of faux pas and trying to figure things out. - Most successful aspies in adult life also have a few close friends/confidants who hugely respect their knowledge base and skill sets, or their character, whatever. You need a neurotypical peer who is a true best friend or Ally, who has great social skills and compensates and speaks well about you, even in your absence. I've had several throughout my life, but when I don't have a peer who understands me and can explain my oddities (i.e. occasional accidental saying super mean things without realizing how they sound, melting down from sensory overload) to my co-workers or other students, but still be like 'but she's super nice and will always fix your computers and help if you need it so don't be a dick, she's actually really funny' Key assumptions I think will be proved hugely erroneous in time: 1. Telling adults to have NT peers help the autistic kids without an explicit framework for how to do it....probably intended to be a positive thing but you probably did a lot of harm by posting that on youtube. Well-meaning teachers will take kids doing everything they can to fit in, out them as autistic, and therefore weird. You should tell them that it's important for an autistic person to have a true best friend, but that obviously forcing children to be friends isn't going to lead to anything but mean girls being mean girls. You need to educate young children about autism, and autism in females especially. When you're talking about diversity and racism and differences. Not in health class like this is some kind of medical problem. I mostly love my autism, and I feel much more mentally healthy to have found a career that is challenging, fulfilling, and well-suited to me as a person, for the most part. I provide a different and valuable perspective. 2. Which leads me to, we DO NOT need to be teaching these girls how to fit in. A little louder for the kids in the back: WE ALREADY DISGUISE OUR BEHAVIOR SO WELL NO ONE THINKS WE ARE TELLING THE TRUTH ABOUT BEING AUTISTIC. YOU ONLY OBSERVED THE LEARNING PROCESS BUT DIDN'T ACCOUNT FOR THE FACT THAT WE ALREADY SOLVED THE PROBLEM, FOR THE MOST PART. JUST GET THE OTHER KIDS TO BE KINDER, MORE TOLERANT, HUMAN BEINGS. 3. As we learn more about this issue, the benefits of this study were there, but the entire community is full of neurotypical researchers. THERE ARE PLENTY OF AUTISTIC GENIUSES IN THE RESEARCH AND MEDICAL COMMUNITIES. YOU HAVE GOT TO DO BETTER. Please take this away: - If you're going to diagnose us young, please do it right. Teaching girls how to fit in is something a friend will do. Make sure they have a true friend. Don't force it. - If you're doing research and drawing conclusions from behavior of autistic people, at least let the autistic community brainstorm with you for a few moments before you develop a theory. We've been 'making a path while you motherfuckers drive straight' as Lil Dicky says in his song Professional Rapper. You'll never get your brain there. I've been studying the NT brain to fit in for nearly 30 years, and I still don't understand all your motivations and why you do the things you do. Don't think you can come to the game this late and know how ours are wired, it's like the English vs. Metric system. - Give the school age kids, from K-12 at a MINIMUM, the opportunity to go to the nurse's office or a fairly private, quiet, dark, calm, and SOLITARY (or as close to that as is safe for a child) to go during times of sensory overload, meltdown, or just generally not being able to cope with the classroom. If they overuse it, they can see the school guidance counselor and talk about why, and what's going on. I had so many psychosomatic stomach aches/migraines in school because it was a viable excuse to go lie down in a private quiet dark room for 30 minutes and not be bothered, my pediatrician wanted me to see a surgeon for an exploratory lap to find out why I was having so much abdominal pain. Luckily my parents knew I needed a fucking break. - I learned to fit in by watching a totally 'unhealthy' amount of TV. Boy Meets World, taught me classroom behavior, 7th Heaven and Growing Pains taught me homefront behavior, Veronica Mars taught me everything I needed to know about high school, and I got all pop culture jokes in high school from the Daily Show, which other kids weren't allowed to stay up and watch on school nights. College was solid Chelsea Handler, and starting a career in the hospital was Scrubs, House, Grey's Anatomy, ER, etc. Steer kids to TV content that's just every day situations they encounter. Steer them to TV content with children who display typical behavior for children of their age group, not extreme acting out. Make sure they see how kids their age are supposed to act at any age, and in a multitude of situations (class, home, work, with friends (supervised), with friends (unsupervised). Allow kids to ask questions about what they see on TV, and explain social dynamics they don't understand, sure. It will help whoever is answering those questions know how to understand the autistic mind, too, just by which questions come up. And as I steer you toward data collection, I hope you know enough not to ask any autistic person a closed ended or multiple choice question without at LEAST asking why they chose that answer, or what they would write in if they had the chance. Again, You don't know what questions to ask yet. I'd be happy to help.

As a child i remember spending quite a bit of my time alone on the playground, however i do remember some days i would join a group of boys who would dig below the sand to the tougher dirt, in order to construct little tunnels and ledges to build epic little 'cities'. I find it interesting because the activity wasn't really a sports game, instead it was an act of creativity. In fact, when i was getting tested for autism i was outright told by the doctor that 'autistic people really aren't creative' despite the fact that i know multiple people on the spectrum who are very highly creative. I know im rambling but my point is that i think social behavior amongst boys and girls {including those on the spectrum} is a bit more complex than given credit for in this study. otherwise, i am glad that studies like this are being done to at least show how differently autism can be expressed in girls as opposed to boys because of expectations of how we are 'supposed to' behave. I think oftentimes there is an incredible pressure on girls to be more social and males to be more active.

I would wander off because I was bored or tired. I only hung out with people in high school because I was afraid of being targeted and harassed if I was always seen alone. I would often completely clock out of the conversation and I almost never formed close connections with the people in the group.

This is why autistic people need to be the one to say "Hey this is what you should do to make your life better!" We need to be the ones making the tests and solutions. Not neurotypical people who have no idea how negatively triggering social interactions truly are. I understand their trying to help, claim they understand and think they can do a better job at helping us than we can but then tell us to do something detrimental to our mental health? That doesnt make sense to me......

As a 25-year-old, struggling to be diagnosed with ASD, this video is incredibly helpful. I was a really normal kid until about grade 5, when I receded into a shell and didn't leave it until well after high school. It's incredibly difficult to be taken seriously, I once had a psychiatrist tell me that I can't be autistic because I don't act like Sheldon Cooper from the Big Bang Theory.