Caregivers Must Be Selfish To Survive | Dave Nassaney | TEDxWilmingtonWomen

Down depressed and hopeless is an understatement to how you feel when you become a caregiver. You feel like not only your life, but whole outlook is stolen from you. You feel like another person takes you over. Constantly on and never being able to even really have a bathroom break without worrying about whether your Alzheimer’s mother is going to accidentally hurt herself in the next room. It’s been about two years or more since she’s passed away and I still don’t feel like I’ve gotten myself back.

I am exhausted, scared and overwhelmed taking care of my 82 year old father. Please pray for me.

Being around sick people.makes u feel sick

This speaks to me so much. My husband has Parkinson's and just had spine surgery due to osteomyelitis in his spine. Our 15 year old has autism. It's pretty hard.

This is dam true. My mom cared for my great aunt, my grandma, and my grandma. All three had cancer and other medical crises... Now my mom has cancer and it's worse and more aggressive than any of my grand elders... And now I'm scared of getting sick as her caretaker and I'm only 27....feel like my whole life has been stolen from me ... What you said here is sooo true.

I was a caregiver, it was an awful experience nothing rewarding about it.

I retired from my job of 36 years to care form my now 87 yr old dad. I loved my job and my friends and feels like I lost everything. I am constantly up and down and get 15,000 steps in just 5 rooms. He is sharp with his words and doesn't care how he treats people. My husband helps only for a few hours at night. By the time it is bedtime I am mentally drained and physically exhausted. I tried to bring in help, he was horrible to them. My brother is very sick, needs heart and lung transplant. I feel so overwhelmed and just want out your video says u need to b selfish to survive. I wish it was that easy. I love my dad, the person he is now is not my dad. One day I will get my life back. I take it day by day.

Hard to give to others when your own bucket is empty. I started watching it because this is one of the bad days.

I became a caregiver when I was just a teenager. I was lucky enough to play more of a supporting role in caregiving, while my mother took over more of the personal caregiving. I wish she could have seen this video then.

I'd really like to know how to become selfish......when I'm caring for a 92 year old father totally by myself, unpaid. I can't drive, family and friends don't offer to help and we can't afford outside help. I don't ask this sarcastically, but honestly. How does someone like myself who has literally no one else, become more selfish? After 4 years of this, 24/7, I'm going downhill fast.

I became a caregiver when my son was diagnosed with Autism. Is been 15 years and will be until I'm gone

Powerful message and delivery that resonated with me! As caregivers, it is vital that we continue taking care of ourselves. Thank-you for brining awareness to all of us!

I've been caretaking family members on and off for twenty six years. Now I'm in the process of taking care of a selfish, manipulative, controlling family member. I feel my whole life has been ripped away from me every waking moment. The stress has become so intolerable until my medications for insomnia and anxiety no longer work. At this point, I don't feel any guilt because I'm in a battle for my own sanity and well being. I made a promise to myself that if I get through this I will never ever be a care giver to anyone again.

I went through a similar experience as a caregiver for my mother. I took care of her for eight years. I was so NOT ready for that. I did my best, but I honestly never expected to take care of my mother at the age of 27. My mom died August 2021. I'm learning how to live without her; it's going to take time. I focused so much of my mind upon her and now I'm trying to learn what to live for now. I wish that the healthcare system had given me this kind of help while I cared for my mother. There was a caregiver group, but I never ended up joining it.

My son had a heart transplant last year and this has been a 15 year journey. Therapy is so necessary. I’m struggling but I’m doing better. I hope things get better for anyone reading this message ❤️💕

How am i supose ro attend support group when if i leave the room i here "were are you going" i canteven go out and work in the yard of sit outside for air. going to rhe store is my only time alone and im told i take too long doing that. So there is no wayto attend a meeting Lucky im not a alcholic i coulnt do to AAeither

Appreciate the easy days, folks. When the time comes that you have to live for someone at the end of their life, you'll understand the unmitigated joy and freedom of the days before the caregiving obligation.

I am my husband's carer and I am not going to be a burden on anyone. I'm opting out...

I just watched this video today and that is what I learn in caring for my mother with dementia, me first. I wake up early to have my coffee while enjoying the morning, then her rime for breakfast, I eat my lunch earlier than usual to have a full stomach and so I will not be grumpy because she eats slow or she is not in her best self. A list goes on on how I give care while being selfish, these selfishness gives me strenght and less stress to survive being a caregiver. I value that if I am healthy my mother will have the best care from me. I still get exhausted and sad and a lot things negative that is why I find help through my cousins that can give me abundant love and advise, neighbors who are willing to listen to my woes and self help like this videos and some reading.

People/friends do drop off, they also offer to help but it can be hard to figure out what to tell them. What is realistic assistance. Getting help before caregiver burn-out is vital, but getting help AFTER caregiver burn-out can be life or death!