Funeral Etiquette Guide - How To Behave, Dress Code + DO's & DON'Ts
270,170
Published 2015-12-16
When you learn about the death of a loved one or an acquaintance, it's important to reach out to the intermediate family and express your condolences. The best way to do this is through a letter of condolence. No, this is not a Facebook message, this is a handwritten letter that is dropped in a mailbox. The core point of this is that you have a sincere, honest message that lets them know that you think about them and that you're sorry for them.
Historically, people also sent flowers because it helps to mask the odor of death and the not so perfect embalming process. Today, people send flowers because it's a sign of respect, sometimes though, people find it's a waste of money if they have too many flowers and in that case, what's always appropriate is to have a donation for the deceased favorite charity.
Sometimes, they have little cards at the visitation or at the funeral service where you can donate the money. It's really important to never send flowers if the deceased is Jewish and if you want to learn more about Jewish traditions, Buddhist traditions, Orthodox traditions or Muslim traditions, please check out our in depth guide about funeral etiquette on our website.
The next step is the funeral or memorial service, it's always a funeral service if there's a body and a coffin. If that's not present, it's called memorial service. This can also be the case if the body was cremated, we talk about memorial service, not a funeral service. The traditional funeral service is slowly but surely becoming extinct and it's often substituted with a celebration of the person's life and it always depends on what the deceased would have wanted or what he wished for. This event is not about you, attend the service, converse, talk to the family and leave.
At the service, you want to be respectful at all times. It's a tradition at a funeral to have a eulogy which is a heartfelt tribute to the deceased. If you're asked to give a eulogy, you should think about how to talk about the person in a complimentary and dignified way. This is about showing your last respect to a person, maybe shared memories or things that made him a great person.
Now one of the components of respect, especially at a funeral is dress code. Never wear jeans or a golf shirt, like slacks, shorts or anything of that kind for a funeral. It's simply disrespectful towards the deceased.
If the death occurred in your family, it is important to acknowledge the heartfelt sympathies in the cards you got. You want to tell people that you are thankful that they thought of you and again, it is best to express with a thank you card. A funeral is a very sad event and it is important to support the family, that you are subdued, you understand it's not about you but about the family and the ones who are left behind and so you have to do your best to support them and to show your respect and dignity.
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All Comments (21)
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Sensitive topic presented in the most respectful way. Thank you
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Oddly this year I became much more interested in clothes and because of your channel and others like it I went out and bought a navy suit, black tie and white shirt, quality black leather Oxford shoes. My father saw me in this outfit and some months later passed away. I wore this same outfit to his funeral I'd like to thank you for curating this information so intelligently.
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Rip uncle John
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And please, please don't tell a surviving 28 year old daughter to get regular mammograms at the graveside service of her 58 year old mother who died from breast cancer. This actually happened to me and five years later it still sticks with me. š
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Well presented Sir. I am a funeral director and I appreciate this. Itās amazing to me how so many people today donāt dress for a funeral and yes, it does matter.
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Top notch video about a very difficult subject. Nicely done sir.
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I watched this video the first time back in November when my grandmother passed. The only exception was to wear my maroon and white striped tie because my grandmother loved the tie. I just want to say thank you Rafael for this video
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Thank you. I will be more than prepared for my fathers funeral this Mon. 18,2019 he was 79. I want his service tasteful and elegant. Your video helped me tremendously. š
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I am preparing for the funeral of my Uncle. He is my Uncle John funnily enough. Thank you, you were a great man. RIP.
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I live in New Orleans and we have lots of jazz funerals here. My uncle wore a yellow fedora to the funeral.
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I would add that I have read that an important part of funeral etiquette is for friends of the deceased not to obtrude too much on the immediate family, but to keep a respectful distance, unless invited otherwise.
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If youāre the dead one in a funeral, its impolite to move
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DISCLAIMER: this is not the time to talk about the farts of uncle john.
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Yes, have respect at my funeral.
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During my auntās funeral service, the priest kept mispronouncing her name 4 different ways: Alice, Elise, Eleanor and Ella. My sister finally stood up and yelled at him: āHer name is ELSIE!ā
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Great video, it helped me a lot. One addition. In Sweden (and maybe other parts of Europe as well??) a plain white tie is also appropriate to wear if you are a close relative to the deceased. A black tie works too, but from what I have understood that is more for the other attendants. These are the recommendations they give on Swedish funeral-sites. Anyway, thank you for handling this delicate subject so well.
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Well presented Sir....i remember the day back in 2012 when my nephew died....sometimes i still cry after remembering that incident.....i appreciate this video.....!!!
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Thank you. Got back and everything went well. My favorite piece of advise was to talk to the family and then leave.
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Always so classy with your delivery of almost every subject for proper menās behavior and attire.
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Very well done and in a respectful manner. My deepest respect for your work and very pleased to be your follower.
