6 signs YOU might be the problem…

Thanks Kati! Your workshop with boundaries has been so helpful.

Takes an enormous amount of courage to admit to yourself that even if they obviously did hurt you, you also were a problem.

I think one thing that most people lack is the ability to take accountability for their actions. Taking accountability for your actions and admitting you were wrong, and understanding why you were wrong is something everyone needs to work on.

I've lived it in 2 marriages, but the good thing is I've learned from my mistakes and lived 10 years alone and worked on myself. Now, 6 years in my 3rd marriage, I think I've got it. Thank you for helping us...

Hello, it’s me. I’m the problem. It’s me.

i can be toxic too but in my experience the real issue are the people i’ve let into my life

Most of the problematic relationships I formed were before I learned that I had boundary issues. It’s interesting to see how they are dissolving one by one, but thank god for boundaries.

As Autistic'ADHD and possibly BPD due to past trauma, communication and setting boundaries is very difficult and being in a relationship never lasts more than a year. I used to be shamed for setting boundaries and asking for help ( shamed for crying too )

The tricky part is admitting to ourselves that we are "the problem" (usually it is more than one cause) without guilt shaming ourselves. Especially if you have a religious upbringing, where guilt is a major topic, this can create a spiral towards self destructive thoughts. I guess it is important not to be judgemental about ourselves as well as about others.

Literally the problem in every way, in every relationship. I've recently become aware of essentially being a 10yo trapped in a man's body, so now I'm trying to figure out how to establish my first healthy relationship. It's scary to try because it's just so damn embarrassing to admit this to people, but it'll be worth it. Thanks for the info 🙏

What's funny is a lot of their expert advice is already in the Bible. Like she said she walks away. Proverbs says Before the quarrel burst forth, take your leave

I remember a line from Justified: "If you meet an asshole in the morning, you've met an asshole. If you meet assholes all day, you're the asshole."

#2. I don't always have problems in relationships, but it would appear I have problems with them ending. And it is probably because I didn't set better boundaries in the beginning.

Difficulty with emotions is tough! It can be easy to let that build resentment too, because not knowing how to deal with your emotions can have a lot to do with not knowing how to set healthy boundaries.

Maybe you’re not actually the problem and you’re just in a toxic relationship or friendship. Watch the 10 signs of a toxic friendship or relationship here: https://youtu.be/JLH0RbMcHOg

This was an excellent video. Once I realized I was the problem and stopped focusing on them and just on healing me and working on my toxic traits I was able to start having much healthier calmer relationships with everyone in my life, not just romantic ones. Totally worth calling my own shit out n putting in the work to change

Taking a look at ourselves is hard and this video was so enlightening you made it easy to get some idea's for self improvement and healing. I had a lot of bad friendships/relationships and finally met a man i am seeing now. I didnt trust him at first, i was blah blah blah and then one day i decided to grow up and stop blaming him for my shitty past. He was more than patient and put up with me. I now am journaling, accepting my past and moving forward learning to be my own best friend first. I am more relaxed, happier and letting go. We are still together and he is so happy with me now. Bravo for a well done look into "who dunnit it" perspective.

Both my parents apologizing to me for no showing up in the ways I needed and explaining why, really helped my inner child heal. I'm luck I have empathic parents, they just had me too young and didn't know how they should of been till recently. It's ok, I understand

This is important! I went into this from the perspective of currently trying to leave my toxic boss. It's been difficult dealing with his manipulation, and as a result of what I would call gaslighting, I've often I've caught myself unsure if it's me that's the terrible employee or if it's him that's the terrible boss. But knowing that he has a long history of people being made to feel terrible and quitting due to his treatment is certainly reassuring 😅

This was so helpful Katy! I really love the way you list things out and put it on the screen, it makes following along and even taking some notes so easy! Great idea.