Autistic Meltdowns: What to do?

does anyone else just freeze up when they get a meltdown, like more of a freeze than "acting out". you go numb and even are unable to speak?

My idea of a meltdown cycle comes in three stages. 1: Panic, 2: Rage and 3: Recovery.

I have to say that at age 35, meltdowns are very rare for me now compared to my younger years.  I think this is because I have gotten better at noticing when I am getting close to being overwhelmed and doing something before I completely lose it.  One of my best coping strategies for if I start to meltdown in public is to go into the nearest ladies restroom and close myself in a stall.  I can isolate myself, give myself a degree of privacy, and fuss and cry until I calm down enough to decide what I am going to do.  People also generally leave you alone if you are in a bathroom stall.

My parents usually threaten me when I am having a meltdown. They do the complete opposite of making me feel safe. They try to stop my meltdown by trying to make me feel like if I continue something bad will happen to me. They say things like "if you keep screaming the police will come and take you away from us" or "you are going to get thrown in a mental hospital and you won't be able to leave", "you are upsetting your sister. Don't you care about her", "you need to think about other people instead of just thinking about yourself", "This is a nightmare for us to deal with and you are being very abusive", "you think too negatively all the time. If you would just think positively you would not feel like this all the time. It is your fault". All of this makes my meltdown worse and scares me even more. I only recently got diagnosed with autism and my parents don't know how to properly handle a meltdown. Any time I tell them that they should learn more about dealing with an autistic kid they get mad and say "we have tried everything with you and nothing works. We can't do anything more and you are on your own. It is your job to control yourself, not ours." I know that they obviously did not try everything. I have meltdowns just thinking about all these things that they say to me. What am I supposed to do? I feel like not even my own parents understand me, I have zero friends, and I don't even have a proper therapist yet. I'm very upset about all this and there are no videos for autistic people to learn how to handle a meltdown if they are alone. All these videos are for the people without autism to learn how deal with another autistic person. Thank you so much to everyone who reads this! If you are going through something similar just know that you are not alone and when you grow up/get the strength you can cut off toxic people, including family members, who only make your life harder!

I think that my meltdowns tend to be more related to emotions, stress, and anxiety than sensory related and it's something I've dealt with majority of my life. Over the years, I’ve learned how to hide it and in moments like this when I'm extremely overstimulated and feel myself about to breakdown, especially in public, I usually go into a private area like a bathroom stall and have my private meltdown. One thing that I'm trying to get my parents to understand is that when I have meltdowns where they are there to witness it, they think I’m being crazy, out of control or being negative. I can be but that’s not what it actually is. That’s how I handle my emotions and very often, it's nearly impossible to contain my them. After that, I feel myself going into shutdown mode like I stay reserved, it all of a sudden becomes hard for me to speak, I start to become really quiet and I am exhausted. They also sometimes force me to talk when I have a hard time to which is not right. When I am ready to talk and explain myself, I will but until then, please just give me some time to calm down and to process everything that just happened.

Knowing my mother, she would think "making sure I can't hurt myself or anyone else" means call the police and have me jailed.

This video was so perfectly describing a autistic meltdown and how it differ from tantrums, I had a experience today with my family trying to explain why I couldn’t be in a certain place at that time and they didn’t understand at all and thought I was trying to get something out of it but when I searched and showed my mother this video it perfectly described what I myself couldn’t explain and she apologized and praised me for being so mature and explained in a difficult situation, so this video really helped me so much today and it was just so well spoken ❤️❤️❤️

I only shout and rage openly when in private, but in public I hold it all in but my body is extremely tense, am full of rage, and feel like ripping my shirt off and jumping into some cold body of water. I always imagine myself wishing I could submerge my entire body in water. I think because it dulls physical sensory input and probably why I go swimming every day.

At home at least I put myself in "time out" when my daughter has a meltdown. Any extra stimulus isn't helpful, no eye contact, no movement, no talking so as long as she is in a safe place (ie not the kitchen or bathroom) I let her know that I am going to give her some space. She can come and get me or call out if she needs me at any time (this isn't a punishment) and I usually give her a good 10 minutes after the screaming/crying stops. It works for us.

Thank you for this post. May I suggest changing the wording from “Time Out”, which is used a form of behavioural punishment and understood as that in general society, to calling it “a peaceful pause”. I use this with my daughter, and one of her main things is she does not want to be sent away or for me to leave her (like a traditional “time out”). She just needs the time and space and calm environment to work through her stuff. This usually involves a snuggle once she is calm enough.

These are my stages of an autistic meltdown: 1- I am adverting my eyes and trying not to make eye contact. This is also when the thoughts start to creep in which make the situation become worse. 2- I can’t talk or move. I turn non-verbal and can’t communicate in anyway, and I hope someone can understand that I don’t want to be touch, and be left alone to take a nap to help me forget about what happened. Normally, though, I start to call myself stupid and things like that in my head. I also say I don’t deserve to cry because it is a stupid reason. 3- I have a flight response. Because people won’t leave me alone, I try to get out of their grasp and run away. I almost ran away a couple of times. Normally it feels like adrenaline is pumping through me and my heart is racing. 4-Fight response. This is the stage I dislike the most because I start to put others in danger. I punch and kick at them to try to get away from them because they are probably doing one of he follow: grabbing my wrists, grabbing my ankles, grabbing my neck, grabbing my hair, pushing me, kicking me, etc. This is always my last resort option, and I feel so bad when I do it. Normally it happens to be y mom that I do this o, and yes I know she’s doing bad things to me, she makes me feel horrible for doing things to her.

It hurts when I have a meltdown. I feel like I can’t stop it. When it happens I feel like I’m not even in my own mind. I can see what’s going on but it’s like it’s my instinct to meltdown. It’s like blowing up a balloon until it pops. I want it to stop but I don’t know what to do. I was also abused as a younger child and I always feel like my life is on the line. I’m always the one who has to be in control (for obvious reasons). Please someone give me some advice. I want to be happy and normal. I feel broken and lost and I can’t take it anymore. I feel alone and betrayed by everyone .

I like the way you differentiated a meltdown vs a tantrum. I think many people do not recognize the difference and treat it as a tantrum.

I’m literally recovering from a meltdown right now. Thank you for sharing this so I can share it with my support system

I'm horribly autistic, but high functioning. Yet now that I'm getting older my over vocalization and fits are getting bad. Really appreciate this message getting out, we need this for understanding. Also I could use friends and support if anyone hears me.

I was having a meltdown/panic attack, the very first thing my so very "supportive" sister freaking grabbed my arm as she kept yelling at me. I freaked out and my breathing wouldn't slow down. Yeah, so supportive sis. Love you too...

I describe meltdowns as sudden rage then falling off the cliff / point of no return (yea loss of control) where its impossible to bring them back even by giving them what they want. My son has meltdowns and often comes to strike me before ‘falling off the cliff’, and when hes there crying at me with total distress i hold him and hug him til he calms down.

My son is 3 and we're just now starting to recognize the symptoms. Your videos have been invaluable, reassuring, and helpful. Thank you so much.

Thank you Paul! Now I know what a meltdown is, and realize that I have experienced them whenever I am pressured to be around (and stay around) toxic people. There is no greater panic in my mind than having to work with toxic coworkers, or deal with a toxic family member, or a toxic romantic relationship. In these cases I would slam the door while going to a room by myself, where I cry hysterically; wailing and weeping out loud. But I realized that there is a way to get away from toxic people, if I am patient (such as applying for a new job). Life has been better since then 😊.

I'm in a meltdown, your voice is calming for me right now