Adult with Autism | Dark Side of Autism | Reality Behind the Autism Mask

This is the crux of having an invisible disability. I relate so much to this.

I've found the saddest thing about hunanity as a whole is we know better, but continue to do harm. Harm to people, to the planet, animals, everything and I'm just sick of it. I can't watch the news, either, because it's the same story, different day. I appreciate your honesty. Take care, Paul. 💛

“…holding a stuffed animal. Teddy, not a taxidermist version.” I don’t know exactly why, but I love this quote.

Mate, someday I hope we’re down at a pub in our 60s—I look to my right & you to your left—we’re both drinking non-alcoholic beverages and wearing luminous clothes—and we nod…and say nothing…and it feels great. I can understand where you’re coming from in your videos because (at 39 ugh) the realization I’m on the spectrum is becoming like a thicker and thicker fog. What you’re saying re: unmasking is so true, because that adds a different (extra) level of anxiety to every interaction. Figuring out how to unmask is a bit easier for me when I’m around strangers. (Except for the one time as a teenager I was beat up in my own house by choir kids who I’d stayed with a month prior. Apparently, I did something to turn me into a mark? Crazy thing is I didn’t understand that whole incident until very recently and had told myself it was a misunderstanding…but with bruises to my torso.) From an ableist perspective, many autistic traits can be perceived, kindly, as being…uh…unconventionally attractive? I feel like research, as you mention, is fundamental to how society learns to accommodate us. Because what is the alternative, to just burn us at the stake if we start rocking while on the bus? Put us all on unemployment and into shared housing & menial work? It would be a tremendous waste. I am a tremendous worker. Published author. Super great cat dad. Am I employed? Not really. Does it stress me out? I’m losing my Johnny Cash-quality hair in clumps. Yet I still feel like with a tiny bit of help here and there I’d be golden and really happy. At my last full-time role, they loved me when I was working remotely for 3+ years as a phone call away—but when I was a nervous lump in a bright office during COVID and not speaking fluent French? GOODBYE in just over a year for my “attitude”. Yet because of you and others speaking openly, I have hope things will get better. Here in Canada for example, Terry Fox made people SEE cancer. There shouldn’t need to be a martyr but clearly, our collective suffering hasn’t yet moved the needle much. I’m convinced autistic people know much of what they need to thrive, but those things are sitting up on the top shelf and most of us can’t reach them. Society still seems too distracted, or too apathetic to care. Cheers.

Cheers mate 👋 John from Sweden! Autistic, probably adhd, traumatized for sure. I got my diagnosis at 44. I've listened to you on Spotify for some time now and I haven't had the pleasure to give you a big thanks 🎉🥳 You are one of my favorite autism advocate. Every word you said went straight to my heart. I was bullied for ten years straight in school. They didn't kill me, but they might as well could have. Children can be stupid and mindless sometimes. But grownups are worse. They are ignorant. They allow this to continue year after year. It looks the same now as when I went to school 30 years ago. Almost nothing has changed. Keep up the good work! You are making a difference! See ya

I think neurotypicals (some of them) see our strengths and our commitment to study and learn very well and thrive in special interests and specific topics can threaten them. And as a result we see passive aggressive behaviour and often bump into narcissistic people who wish us ill intent because they cant feel as deeply as we can. And we can over share naturally in intimate relationships because we speak so matter of factly. It can put us in vulnerable situations if naive. My personal observations anyway

Thanks Paul. I was recently diagnosed at the age of 60, masking is very much a survival mechanism for me My brain seems like it is stuck in survival mode I guess masking without realizing it for all those decades dose that to you. The though of unmasking while still trying to maintain employment for me is terrifying, I don't think it wold go down well with my employer either.

I always offer my hand for a shake to avoid “the hug”

I felt like crying during parts of this video. My heart breaks at the stories of bullying. Much of my energy, all of my life has been directed to trying to look normal. I'm finally at a place where I avoid any unnecessary social engagement and that is such a relief. Any autistic child who sees the bullying and experiences it for themselves will learn ways to mask, if possible. I, too, threw my life into getting and keeping a job. I was always seen as more conscientious than most others and had little or no life outside work. The work-social things I ended up doing were never fun at all. They were just ways to not stand out, but in some ways dangerous since it is easier for the mask to slip in these unscripted situations. As you listed some of the autistic news items, I had the thought that the world is in terrible shape. I don't consume regular news either, but still find out what is happening almost by osmosis. If this is the best NTs can do to run a world, characterized by lies, deceit, backstabbing, and much much worse, I don't see what they have to brag about. Instead they bully autistic people for being different. Or they look the other way. As a group, they should be different than they are, that's for sure. And it makes me wonder how many of the sane things are the result of conscientious autistic people holding things together. I know there are conscientious NT people, but are they only the rare ones like your current supervisor? It's a sobering thought, wondering how many honest, hard-working people are actually holding things together. (both autistic and NT). Thank you for your insightful videos.

I was diagnosed early on as a child (late 1990s) but I was too proud, didn't want to stand out much. I do try to be more of my authentic autistic self now but I don't really know what that is. I can't tell when I am masking and I can't tell when I am not and I don't know if it even matters as long as I have my separate space for time out from the world. A lot of autistic traits are still defined by what is supposedly wrong with us, rather than our strengths first and how our strengths could actually solve a lot of modern problems. I convinced those of us autists who are successful are the inventors, scientists, engineers, artists etc and always have been. But there is also a huge impossible gap where so many of us just struggle and get held back by so many things. We definitely tolerate a lot more than NT people realise.

This is a quote that resonates with me, deep in my soul. (50 year old female. Diagnosed in March 2024) - “You," he said, "are a terribly real thing in a terribly false world, and that, I believe, is why you are in so much pain.” ― Emilie Autumn, The Asylum for Wayward Victorian Girls

The world has way too many violent people which is worst than having a disability. My son has autism and some kids tried to make him hit another kid in the swimming pool. He turned around and said he was not going to play anymore. He used his instinct and I told him I was very proud of him for listening to his inner voice that kept him safe. He learned that skill at school with proper coaching.

I think that we ( autistic ppl ) are an improvement on modern humans. I find that we are kind hearted and empathetic and that is what the world needs. It's society that's fucking wrong

I'm undiagnosed but test highly on all the tests and have similar experiences. I was beaten and betrayed constantly when I was younger. I work in the far east now because foreigners are expected to be different. I applied for a thousand jobs last time I tried to get work in the UK and managed five interviews. Didn't get any of them. I took my CV to two companies to get it improved and they asked to use it as a template because it was so good. I spent so long asking why it all happened to me.

I have been bullied out of school and work my whole life. And this was while masking to the best of my ability. Discovered I'm (probably) Autistic a few months ago. Waiting on my assessment. I'm turning 34 next month but I am so damn worn down, I feel like a 100 years old. I have been binging your videos. My 'version' of Autism is very similar to yours. Very relatable. Thanks for being you!

Thank you, Paul. I am 73 and worked for 50 years with the mask on. I am retired now, and thanks to you for taking the time and effort to explain this, I can now set the mask down for short periods and really feel free. Thanks, my brother.

I really enjoy your videos. I have an autistic friend who I want to understand better.

My heart breaks for you, and for any other autistic person suffering so much. I can completely understand why taking off the mask might not be possible or safe. Unmasking is a privilege. Sticking out may mean your head gets cut off. I've never had struggles at school, uni or the work place. Maybe because I managed to mostly avoid crowded places, social events, worked on my own, etc. And I think I may have escaped into marriage and kids, controlling my own environment. But I've always known I was different. I've never wanted to fit in. Why? These people, these rules, do they even make any sense? I don't know whether I'm autistic. I can relate to a lot what you say. I suspect I've learnt to mask since a very young age. I'm so confused, am I autistic or not? I can't even test how I react to other people and situations, because chronic illness confines me to home and bed, and I don't have any family or friends who visit. Problem or blessing in disguise? I can be as silly, stimmy, weird as I want at my home, on my own. No one to mask for. Ugh. I guess time will tell.

I love the tone and cadence of your voice. Very soothing even when you're talking about heated issues. ❤️

Thanks paul another great vid i have noticed at work since i have relaxed my masking a shift in people it does affect promotions and as you said they cant seem to grasp its a job i dont want or need 7.5 hpurs of social updates and chit chat just let me earn my wage and let me live my life without the constant judgement ... ive really stopped caring what folk think just do the job and keep looking for a perfect job that doesnt exist at least for autistic males. something ive noted working with an possiblly asd young lass 22yrs old we both have so many simulator traits the big differences is her traits & mistakes are looked as cute and endering whilst mine get reprmans and bullying . such is life i guess