How to date, mate, and find fulfillment | Helen Fisher & more
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Published 2024-04-12
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Is polyamory a sustainable model for societies? Do partners really need to maintain the "spark" to have a healthy sex life? And should sex, romantic love, and attachment be viewed as phases of a relationship or as systems in the brain?
As modern science continues to illuminate the timeless experiences of sex and love, we're learning more about the nature of healthy relationships and the often counterintuitive ways individuals can maximize both sexual pleasure and fulfillment in relationships.
In this Big Think video, we explore all of the above through insights from anthropologist Helen Fisher, journalist Louise Perry, sex educator Emily Nagoski, primatologist Frans de Waal, and author Richard Reeves who examine sex and relationships across three key domains: your brain, your bedroom, and your society.
Read the video transcript ► bigthink.com/series/the-big-think-interview/sex-lo…
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About Helen Fisher:
Helen E. Fisher, Ph.D. biological anthropologist, is a Senior Research Fellow at The Kinsey Institute at Indiana University, and a Member of the Center For Human Evolutionary Studies in the Department of Anthropology at Rutgers University. She has written six books on the evolution, biology, and psychology of human sexuality, monogamy, adultery and divorce, gender differences in the brain, the neural chemistry of romantic love and attachment, human biologically-based personality styles, why we fall in love with one person rather than another, hooking up, friends with benefits, living together and other current trends, and the future of relationships — what she calls: slow love.
About Louise Perry:
Louise Perry is a writer and campaigner based in London, UK. She is a columnist at the New Statesman and a features writer for the Daily Mail. Her debut book, The Case Against the Sexual Revolution: A New Guide to Sex in the 21st Century, is published by Polity.
About Emily Nagoski:
Emily Nagoski is the award-winning author of the New York Times bestselling Come As You Are and The Come As You Are Workbook, and coauthor, with her sister, Amelia, of New York Times bestseller Burnout: The Secret to Unlocking the Stress Cycle. She earned an M.S. in counseling and a Ph.D. in health behavior, both from Indiana University, with clinical and research training at the Kinsey Institute. Now she combines sex education and stress education to teach women to live with confidence and joy inside their bodies. She lives in Massachusetts with two dogs, a cat, and a cartoonist.
All Comments (21)
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I'm pretty busy with food and shelter at the moment
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Yes, adults, you need money to have your best possible relationship. Money pays for meal dates, transportation, and everything else. You can have a relationship without such means, but there will be additional stress. Women are often attracted to confidence. Even if you don't feel that you are worthy of being a clothing model, you can exercise and practice strength training regularly. Plenty of women are attracted to muscular men, and this should increase your confidence. Most humans are attracted to honesty, reliability, kindness, openness and loyalty. If she is attracted to traits in opposition of the ones I just mentioned, maybe consider someone else. Women are looking for partners they can survive with, raise healthy children with, have stimulating conversations with. Do what you can to improve yourself mentally, physically and spiritually or philosophically. Be patient. Learn. Grow. If you are overzealous, it may lead to dishonesty. You should be authentic from the moment you meet. Don't portray yourself to be someone you aren't. It could cause serious issues later in the relationship when she finds out you were putting on a front. Relax, be yourself, and have a good time.
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“Mental health care is a necessity 😄… but, you have to pay for it like it’s a commodity… here’s 10% off! 🤑”
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This is one of my favorite Big Thinks. Such an important topic. Such an essential conversation, largely absent. And Emily is the epitomy of a top-notch speaker, educator, advocate; just a rock-star level type of gal. I love just knowing that she's out there teaching every day. Bang-up job.
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The comment section is WILD. Y'all need hugs or something. 😅✌
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Men we need women. Dont give up kings. You deserve a queen and she deserves you. Also Betterhelp is trash. Speaking from experience. I just choose to believe the right thoughts and ive healed so many areas of my life over the past couple years. You got this kings and to any ladies reading this I appreciate you all you lovely babes.
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She gets more beautiful as she ages. The epitome of a Sage. Thank you, Helen.
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Very deep video I have to watch this video twice Thank you Bigthink for making this video ❤
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So appreciative for this collage video that help us build and maintain one of the most relationships in our lives. Thank you BigThink!!!
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Love the woman talking about poly X monogamy... completely disregarding that nowadays we don't talk about polygyny. It's not about men having multiple women. It's about decentralization of relationships. You can't really compare to men marrying 14 women... under 16... that s just off the point
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With the way inflation, unemployment, and housing costs are looming in everybody’s wallet, soon, these love anecdotes will be what we only dream about and archived. Let’s call it the caveman love style: focus on food and shelter. 😅
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I agree with the supernatural part cuz it IS a miracle for all of us to find a right partner and it feels miraculous when we see someone eye to eye. You can never forget that experience: the connection. - but I agree with the process can be scientifically proven too!
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Nice, y’all. Colossal conciseness 😊
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Great work 👏
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How do you find someone to do it with though?
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I can't even imagine how I could have the time or energy to focus on love and sex, lol 😂 I live in a city where rent is $3k for a one bedroom, food is sky high and living expenses. I envy the young people who can live in a high sex drive and put fun as a priority.
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We are in the vanity phase of Universe 25. It's so sad what the dating world has become. I genuinely feel like I left the last helicopter out of Vietnam. Think about what you can provide instead of what you deserve. Providing isn't always in the material. Advice coming from a stay at home dad with 2 kids.
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Wow, thank you for sharing your study 📚
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Emily Nagoski absolutely nails it here. I stood up and clapped. 👏👏👏
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how do I get someone tho, it's been hard on the streets
