You've Been Invalidated, So Now What?

I grew up in a home that was full of invalidating behaviors. It’s only now I can look at myself and accept that I don’t need anyone’s validation; I’m valid to myself for myself.

If they can get you to chase their validation, they can control you. That's the whole game.

* Complexity baffles them * They are psychologically lazy * They are displacing their inner tensions on you (there can be only one!!) " They are stuck in an immature, adolescent mentality

Indeed. Invalidation and gaslighting are evil companions of the narcissist.

"Don't let the narcissists establish who you are going to be" is quite profound.

As the youngest and the only girl I was always “too little.” When I grew up I married into a family in which I never felt like one of them. When I made attempts to participate in the conversations there was no response except brief blank stares as if the flow of conversation had been interrupted by an irritating noise. Then they would continue talking to each other as if nothing had happened. My husband treated me much the same for 30 years. We were never friends. Imagine the way I must have felt at the age of 70 when I began having a friendship with a man who actually enjoyed conversations with me. I fell in love in a profound way that I could never have imagined feeling. He is gone now and I miss him, but will be eternally grateful that God allowed me to know such a good, decent man.

It helps to remember to treat narcissists as those suffering with mental health issues, so don’t allow them to mess with your mind.

Invalidating shouts that the relationship needs reconsideration as to its worth .

They’ll never take you side, whether it’s an issue with a work colleague, who is bullying you or taking advantage. It must always be your fault.

It's hard when it's your family. There is a cycle of creating one person each generation that gets picked on. I'm not going to participate.

My feelings, my thoughts, my suggestions were invalidated constantly. When I finally understood what I was dealing with I walked away. My final words were if you think Its ok to disrespect me then there is no relationship.

Yep. Psychological laziness, describes my family, perfectly.

Start validating yourself and do as much good as you possibly can in this evil world!

I was there. I know what happened. I saw it I heard it. I felt it. I have a witness. God is my witness. Amen.

Very helpful to hear him say that these invalidators are “black & white thinkers” who don’t like complexity or complex ideas. That explains a lot because I am a super complex and creative thinker who comes up with innovative solutions. Also, helpful to know these people are often stuck in middle school when it comes to social skills. I always felt a bit guilty for thinking “how immature!”...after they basically call me an idiot.

I never get or ask for validation, yet I'm constantly validating them, not anymore.

In other words, they are just setting you up, right? They love getting the reaction out of you so they can say, "See! You are the one unstable!" If you can pick up those clues, you can learn to walk away and not be drawn into their belittling attacks. Good strategy. ⚘

He used to interrupt me mid sentence, "wait wait wait, you are not making sense." He'd say. How does he know if I can't finish my sentence????

My mother.. completely unable to discuss anything. The only topic she’s comfortable with is the weather or how awful something is.

It is sadism to enjoy causing strife and invalidation