Managing the PITY you feel for the AGING NARCISSIST

Never pity a narcissist. They’ll weaponise it against you.

I think we need to let go of the idea that we "have to" take care of someone who has consistently abused and harmed us.

My narcissist brother wanted me to abandon my apartment, drive 1400 miles to take care of my narcissist mother. I couldn't get myself to do it. I'm glad I didn't. Now I'm being shunned by my family because of it. Oh well.🤷🏻‍♂

A lot of narcissists I’ve known, become more immature as they get older. It’s like miss the glory days of their younger selves that they’re stuck in a perpetual loop of never growing up. While many grow up and become wise, narcissists still think they’re the prize.

As someone who worked for nearly a decade in long term care, let me help you with some of the guilt. We do not have the same history with your family member as you do. We only get to see then as they are when they come to live in the facility. Oftentimes that means you can pass their care to us because we don’t have that hurtful history. If its a good facility with good staff, its our job to take that burden from you. :)

As they age they become more toxic and impossible to handle. We need lots of courage because they blame us for their aging..

Aging narcissist parents use threats of disinheriting as the final manipulation tactic.

What pity? Am I meant to pity this creature? After it has literally stolen my entire life?

I'm glad my mother became forgetful and slipped up, telling on herself for a decade old lie. I get to be done with her, finally. I do miss her now that I'm no contact sometimes, but thanks to Dr. Ramani I know I'm hurting for a mother that I never had, not really her, and that helps a lot. I owe a lot to Dr. Ramani, so listen folks, buy her new book, It's Not You, you will not regret it!

I don't wish this on anyone but I find comfort in knowing I'm not alone. ❤

My mother got more mean to me on her deathbed. I was forced to sit next to her every day..she didn’t talk to me all day(silence treat while next to her) but she did to my sister(the golden child). I was not allowed to touch her, say anything, look on my phone or talk to anybody from the family. If I moved, she gave me the “narc stare”. She knew exactly what she did to me. After our mother died my sister took over the role of my mother, scapegoating me and gives me the silence treat for 4 years, as doing smear campaigns behind my back to our Steph brothers (enablers and flying monkeys). I gave up the family as I’m done being the scapegoat.

I was scapegoated by my overt narcissist father and he destroyed my childhood with his emotional and physical abuse. When he aged I consciously stepped back for my own wellbeing. Instead, I let my golden child brother take care of all of his elder care. I felt that my father did not deserve my help after how he had treated me over my lifetime. And I did not cry when my parental narcissist died. 🙂

They aren’t human. Stop wasting human emotions on them. Remember, they use your humanity against you.

The older they get, the more their grandiose dreams are shattered, and the more paranoid, frustrated and angry they become. Which of course is up to you, the scapegoat, to carry... So glad I am out, after 20 years. But the damage is done, and it is gonna take a long while to heal and work on myself to hopefully never get into a similar situation again...

I think an important dynamic was left out of this video. You are not going to only deal with the parent, but you are walking back into a toxic soup of a family system. Many times no one but YOU have gotten any help to understand and cope with that family system. If that aging parent has resources to care for themselves then by all means let that happen. You may get push back from other siblings who are playing other roles within the system but stand firm. Remember guilt is the "hook" for co-dependency.

Aging narcisists are not a pretty sight to see, either way. Dealing with them is draining and painfully unsettling because you can’t trust anything they say or do. Thank you dr Ramani ❤ God bless you❤

I had an narcissistic aunt who was also a holy roller—I didn’t deal with her growing up because we couldn’t stand each other—as she got older I didn’t want her my life so I had her placed in an old folks home—on her dime and walked away—she told me I was selfish and didn’t love her, and I told her she was right; and that she was also a narcissist and I didn’t want the burden of caring for someone like her. I visited her at the facility periodically, and when she died went to her funeral that she had already paid for and didin’t tell anyone that she was related to me—hate me, but no I wasn’t going to get saddled with that sh*t.

As my dad ages it’s become more apparent that he believes cruelty is a virtue and love is a weakness. He thinks kind people are suckers and marks.

My mom's facility wanted to transfer her to a state psychiatric hospital. The one where they send violent felons who aren't competent to stand trial. She was 80 and mostly blind, but the dementia specialists couldn't handle her. She started treating everyone the same way she had always treated me in private. Did any of those flying monkeys apologize? No. They just complained to me, like I was supposed to take control of the situation.

I used to work in a nursing home. Some people were sweet and others were quite narcissistic. Guess which ones had the most family involvement, frequent visits, & family communicating well with the staff to ensure their loved one's' wellbeing? And which ones became labelled as "problems" ? We used to try to get the families more involved, thinking these angry, depressed, combative people were just lonely and feeling abandoned by their families. Now I think they were getting the "grey rock" treatment from their victims.