The RED FLAGS You're Dating A Narcissist! Watch Out For This | Dr. Ramani

Narcissists move VERY fast in relationships. It's not uncommon to hear, “I love you", and/or be bombarded with love songs/texts/memes a few weeks after meeting them. By rushing into sex/intimacy, they fast-forward the relationship. They get their targets to fall for them before he/she can realize something is amiss. I believe this is also the reason they tend to be VERY good lovers. Sex is usually the “hook” in toxic relationships. Narcissists lack genuine personalities. So, they mirror their targets. If you find you have “so much in common" with a new person, your likes are their likes, and your dislikes are coincidentally their dislikes as well, raise your antennas! They may be mirroring you. This is the “soulmates" hook… You'll also notice that they'll spend more time telling you who they are, verses showing you. As time goes on, you'll notice the words they used to describe themselves do not fit their personality — at all. But, they will fit YOURS!!! Passive-aggressive behavior and irrational/unexplained anger, are also major red flags. Pay attention to how a person treats you the first time you say, “No”, and/or when things don't go their way… If they give you the silent treatment, grow cold, and/or pull away, do not overlook it! Most importantly, if someone pulls away, or goes silent, after you set a boundary - DO NOT pursue them! This is how they groom you to be the chaser in the relationship. It's emotional abuse/manipulation! Pay close attention to people who portray themselves as victims. NOTHING is EVER their fault! EVERYONE, including the family pet, has done them wrong… ALL of their ex's are “crazy” and mistreated them… They’re great, but no one appreciates said greatness… Simply put, it's bullshit! No one should have a laundry list of bad experiences. If they do, RUN, because they're the common denominator! Narcissists tend to have a history of failed/short-term relationships. Believe it or not, it's hard for Narcissists to find people to deal with them long term due to their instability and poor behavior… Superficial relationships/friendships. I've noticed they don't have anyone they're genuinely close to. This is due to their inability to bond and form true attachments to people. Their relationships are shallow and based on surface-level bs. They'll refer to someone as their bestfriend, but you’ll notice they barely speak. Or, that the person is never really around. Or, only shows up when it's time to party, etc. They may also speak down on/poorly of said “bestfriend” behind their back. Narcissists tend to be condescending, two-faced and downright mean! Based on my experience, they cannot talk about deep subjects (i.e. fears/emotions). Or, how a situation truly made them feel. Or, what their childhood was like in detail… They don't want to go there. I suspect, it's because they can't. They don't know themselves well enough. They can't connect. They also live in a world of dishonesty. They're very dishonest with themselves about who they truly are. A poor relationship with their Mother/primary caregiver. Underlying issues between Narcissists and their Mother's (abuse, neglect, don’t get along, etc.), seems to be common. People that I've known who've displayed strong Narcissistic tendencies, ALL had bad relationships with their Mothers! I think it's worth mentioning, their Mother's also displayed strong Narcissistic traits… I'm fully aware and understand that there are healthy adults who have toxic Mother's. However, if you're spotting several red flags in an individual, including this one, pay closer attention! They're selfish! Some are selfish from the very beginning. Some start out generous and slowly begin withholding. Some act helpless and needy. They manipulate people into doing things for them, but never give back. It's not only financial and material selfishness. They're selfish emotionally, affectionately, conversationally. sexually and with their attention. They withhold validation and support. EVERYTHING has to be about them, their needs, their wants and everything happens on their terms. Anger, rage, silent treatments and disappearing acts are common - when they don't get their way. Pathological lying. Narcissists are professional liars. It's their second nature. If you call them out, they'll have no issue staring deeply into your eyes as they tell another lie! You'll hardly ever get the truth. Even with unchallengeable proof of the truth, they'll hold on to the lie. It's actually quite fascinating to see them in action - once you know what you’re dealing with. They also have the uncanny ability to provoke doubt in their victims (even when you KNOW the truth), because their lies are so convincing! Beware of people who do not seek conflict resolution. Many Narcissists enjoy drama/chaos! Remember, these are high-conflict personalities. Many of them NEED to argue and fight! Peace to a narcissist, is what chaos is to non-disordered people - unsettling. This is why they repeat behaviors that trigger a negative response. They need tension, anger and high/out of control emotions. They're known for calling people crazy, drama queens, insecure, etc., but never admit what they did to provoke those responses. And, when you attempt to discuss/resolve something, THEY said/did, they’ll gaslight, stonewall and/or flip it back on to you. They're extremely disrespectful, rude and lack self-awareness. They have an issue with being called out on their behavior and project/deflect to avoid accountability. “Normal” people want to get along, for the most part. So, they seek fair compromises when conflict arises. Narcissists want to “win” and conflict IS their niche. This is how many Narcissists get their way - they wear people down via conflict. Immaturity. It’s one thing to be playful and lighthearted (in appropriate settings), as an adult. It’s something completely different to be immature. Narcissists suffer from arrested development. They do not know how to respond to situations/people/stress/life appropriately. They have a child-like mindset. They truly believe everything is about them and have no concept of the needs of others. By nature, children are takers. They have no concept of reciprocation. They believe their Parents (and everyone else), exists to meet their needs. When their needs aren’t met, or they don’t get what they want, they become mean and throw tantrums. Narcissists cannot think outside of themselves and their wants/needs - like children. They’re completely unaware that people are individuals with their own agency, needs, wants, opinions... They truly believe people exist to serve them. They believe their job is to receive. They’re children trapped in adult bodies, who cannot consider anything/anyone other than themselves! Above everything I've stated, trust your intuition! Narcissists give off an uneasy vibe. They try very hard to appear cool, calm and collected - on the surface. But, you can feel their energy. It's very off-putting. They also tend to have more noticeable negative qualities, than most people. But, you have to stop justifying and making excuses, in order to see things clearly. Accept people for who they are and not who you want them to be. Observe, listen and trust yourself. No one should be allowed to grant themselves a position in your life. Vet people and YOU decide if they'll be a liability, or an asset, to you. Lastly, take cues from your body. If you ever feel your mood changing, feel anxious or feel your stomach knot up, in the company of someone, don't dismiss it! It could be a sign that you're in bad company!!! Additionally I hired a private detective Metaspyhub@gmail. com. Once I knew what the narc was up to, it got easier to get over that lying, cheating, sack of doo doo, loser. I didn’t need closure from the narc, I paid for it. Best money I EVER spent!

My Ex husband was being inappropriate with my sister-in-law when I called him out on it he flipped out and flew into a rage. I recorded it. That recording was one of the factors I used to help me to make the final decision to leave because one day while he was at work I played the recording and one of my dogs started crying and ran into a corner shaking. The other one stayed still as if she was paralyzed in fear. My heart was broken realizing how traumatized THEY were.

Narcissists love leaving you hanging, especially when it comes to a dating relationship. And this means that sometimes they will literally force you to beg for their “love” and attention after extensive periods of time go by in which they basically ignore you. It helps them to feel worshiped and adored by making you fall on your knees and lavish them will love, while draining and exhausting you of your energy after spending days, weeks or maybe even months of trying to get in touch with the narcissist and reminding them of your commitment to them. What do you get in return? Love bombing for a little while, but then nothing at all for yet again a long period of time. And the mad cycle just goes on and on. It helps them to also stay in control of the relationship in a very covert yet detrimental way.

My ex husband insulted me constantly and I felt "less than" about my cooking, intelligence, appearance, weight, you name it. My partner now is warm and caring and funny! AND he makes a practice of saying the absolute cheesiest pickup lines to me (despite us living together for the past four years.) Imagine waking up in the morning and hearing, "Ooh can I tie your shoes? I don't want you falling for anyone else" or cooking dinner and hearing, "You got fries to go with that shake?" It's a small thing, but I smile all the time now, and we laugh. Escaping my narc was the best thing I ever did. A long road, but one worth traveling.

Insults are a good way to discern toxic people. They are addicted to feeling superior to others, what better way to achieve that than to insult someone? Contempt is behind even those little digs, the ones they say are “just” jokes. We must always be on the lookout for these signs because narcissism is a compensatory drive. Once you grasp that, you make sense of nonsense. Can you tell I loved this video? Thank you Dr. Ramani one of these days I’m giving you the biggest hug. Get ready! 😉✨

Long emails where I have poured my heart out that are ignored and never acknowledged. Never any resolution to any issues. No point as everything was always my fault.

No one should ever doubt Dr. Ramani’s expertise. You always nail it. You describe my experiences better than I can myself. I was so guilty of this. Thought out, insightful, and empathetic emails that just resulted in me feeling more hopeless, angry, and heartbroken. This video was a reminder of the constant gaslighting and neglect that I lived w daily. Narcs are so predictable, I finally understand that.

That sounds like my mom. "Can't you remember the good stuff?"

I've experienced all of these. It's truly CRAZY how narcissistic people act!

My sister's email reply to my long email: "Thank you for your input." It sent chills down my back. I knew the storm was brewing.

I think the combination of dementia and narcissism is one of the hardest and most dangerous to come across with regards to gaslighting (especially for the adult children who have never really realised that the parent is narcissistic, and then also have to deal with dementia for the first time). It's so hard to balance that, if you haven't got the "emotional kung-fu" of Dr. Ramani!

Around 2010, I wrote my mother long, articulate, honest and calm emails pleading and explaining myself. Long story short, about 5 years later of keeping in contact my memory, concentration and health were declining. Been no contact for 3 years and found its the only way!

Everything you say can and will be used against you….

Oh how I love you Dr. Ramani. Like a fine wine, you just get better and better. Please know that I’m committed to paying this forward, you have done so much for me not to mention this planet. What a legacy you are building. With gratitude ✨✨✨❤❤❤

Oh that is priceless, Dr. Ramani! "Insults are the love language of the narcissist." Thank you!

My favorite is the ambiguous dialogue so even if you keep texts, record what they say or have witnesses "oh, thats not what I meant, I was saying blah blah blah" and trust me, they're pro rationalizers, which I countered by being extra thoughtful in what I say, and asking for clarification on everything they say to eliminate all possible ambiguity. A non-narcissist will try to be more clear moving forward when they realize you REALLY want to understand them. A narcissist will just get angry and push you away

this is a relief. there was no such thing as text messaging when my sister gaslighted me, and i never thought soon enough to record proof and show it to my narc ex. it's a huge relief to know that showing them the truth would not have helped--nothing can! the only solution is to get out as quickly and as safely as you can.

They deny reality, not just "your" reality. That's important! Because "your reality" could be interpreted as something subjective which it is not. It's objective reality.

This entire video describes my life. I have moved very far away. I wrote communications ignored. Hugs to all of you trying to heal. Hugs to fellow caring humans!

Its been 10 years since i divorced my nasty narc husband, i didnt do the long email, however i did do the diary defending my reality to myself, because i couldnt talk to anyone because i had no one after he started fights between me and my family and friends and had me take his side and write them all off, you wont remember what people said but you will never forget how they made you feel! #lotsofregrets