How Childhood Trauma Shapes Your Personality

I love how this channel is so warming and hopeful despite the heavy topics that they cover from time to time. While I often understand what they talk about in the videos, it still helps to have a clearer picture of what you're going through, and this channels helps with that. They cover these heavy topics with a lot of care for their audience, and I love it. Thank you so much for your content!

"Children don’t get traumatized because they are hurt. They get traumatized because they’re alone with the hurt." – Dr. Gabor Mate

My biggest fear out of everything in life is giving my kids a crappy childhood.

The: “you didnt clean your room enough/in a certain way” really hit me hard.

My family was very dysfunctional in many ways, like most families I’m sure. My sister and mum fought every night for years of my childhood- screaming, threats, breaking things. My dad and I went to our rooms alone. I delved into a world of fantasy novels and music. My parents also spanked us frequently which I realize is very common in the previous generation, but it set off a lot of fear in me. I was bullied in highschool and became very isolated because I couldn’t talk to my parents about my feelings. There was a consistent message in my house that you shove down how you feel. You don’t cry, you don’t feel sorry for yourself. You just carry on. But I never felt as strong as my parents, and so I struggled for years with substance abuse and low self esteem. This year for the first time, I am examining my childhood memories and understanding that we were not a perfect family (like my mum kept trying to convince me). My parents had a lot of emotional issues and traumas (my dad was abused by his father and my mums parents died young) and they brought that with us. Their marriage fell apart when I was born and eventually my dad cheated on my mum and we all found out. Basically…don’t let people tell you that just because you haven’t experienced the worst of the worst, that you don’t have lasting impacts from your childhood. Everyone does, and it’s important to understand where you came from and how it shaped you.

"You'll do anything to get approval from someone who means alot to you." That just hit me really hard

"Nine times out of ten, the story behind the misbehavior won’t make you angry; it will break your heart." – Annette Breaux

I was quiet , painfully shy and I had no confidence so people labelled me thick and I went with it for years . My Dad said if there was a wrong way to do something I would find it . He was very impatient and prone to mood swings which is why I spent most of my childhood on egg shells . I stayed quiet and kept to the background so that I wouldn’t be noticed. This was my coping mechanism but unfortunately it didn’t help me to push myself forward . Confidence came later . I am happy now , not to everyone’s taste but at 62 years old I have learnt to care about me and put me first.

My life is full of so much traumas that i can't even explain it. From the childhood assaults to molestation, having parents who always fight, they didn't even care if I'm crying or afraid of them, screaming in the corner somewhere, waking every morning in a fear. This was my childhood. They just wanted me to say "yes" to their every decisions that's it. Couldn't even behaved like a person whatever I was. This was just my childhood. And after that life is much worse than anyone can even imagine.

For people who need it :) 1. You become a perfectionist 0:30 2. You may develop a eating disorder 1:43 3. You sometimes act childish 2:38 4. You develop an insecure attachment 3:50 3 types of insecure attachments: 1. anxious or preoccupied 4:44 2. avoidant or dismissive 5:03 3. disorganized or fearful-avoidant 5:33

I think it's crazy how parents can shape their children behavior as adults. I believe is unfair but then I think it was unfair for them because their parents did something wrong to them as well. who's gonna end with this vicious circle?

I always have this feeling that people may not like me. But i keep reminding myself that I can’t please everyone and I don’t have to.

My abusive father turned my life into a nightmare for 25 years, and my mom was quite helpless and couldn't help me or herself. I defended myself on my own. From childhood I've learned that the world is cruel, people are evil and you always need to fight for yourself - and at the same time I'm unworthy of good things, I shouldn't even try. A lot of people are actually kind for me, really, but I live in fear and push them away or act too harshly to them. And I'm so sorry! I don’t want to hurt or avoid good people, I can’t just act differently, I’m used to be always ready to defence or attack. I'm stuck in my shell and can't get out. I'm just glad I can share my story here. Thank you so much for that. 🧡

I always thought every others childhood was same as me. Watching this video makes me think how miserable my life was. Everything in this video told exactly what I was feeling all the time.

I was abused mentally, emotionally, and verbally. I'm literally every outcome you speak of in these videos as a result of toxic psychological abuse. We need a video on steps to heal. Thank you for what you do.

Unimportant but the little TaTa on the shoulder is giving me life 🥺💗

I literally had tears at your description of anxious attachment style. This fits me perfectly. I've heard the term before but the simple and concise way in which you put it made me feel seen and understood after what feel like an eternity. Thanks a lot. I hope there are some steps we can take ourselves to become more secure in our own selves and our relationships.

I was diagnosed in my 40s with BPD, CPTSD and PMDD. All steming from my childhood abuse. I'm very lucky to be where I am today. The biggest lesson that I have learned is to love myself first!❤

The perfectionism part is so spot on. At least to my experience. My parents always expected the best from me when I was a kid and if I didn’t live up to their standards they would immediately compare me to others. Not to mention i was the eldest sibling so that put extra pressure on me. My mom never stopped comparing me to her nephew (my cousin who was my also my age). She would always talk highly of him and wish that i was like him which made me feel unworthy and not good enough. My mom realized her flaws in parenting me and apologized to me years later when I grew up. We cried together that night and promised each other that we learn from our past and stick together no matter what. Our household was unstable and the stress and fighting with my dad led her to having poor judgment of me and my siblings which i can understand as long as she meant her apology which she really did. She’s changed so much now and i’m very proud of her. But the feeling of wanting to make everything seem perfect and not disappoint others has stuck with me. I fear rejection and failure and i have constant self-doubt and shame. But i’m trying to overcome this and I know I can. If you suffer from perfectionism just know that you are doing your best and if things don’t turn out the way you want them to be, then that’s completely fine as this is the way of life. If your life was perfect trust me it would so boring because there is no challenge to make it interesting. Learn to let things go and do not blame yourself for things that didn’t live up to your expectations. I suggest breathing techniques which has helped my stress and anxiety immensely. And Lastly, just be proud of who you are, even if it sounds corny ❤

It’s amazing how much we learn about ourselves as we mature. What I find particularly interesting is what we learn about our parents and caregivers, and that when we seek to understand their behavior, it has a tendency to release some of the pent-up anger, frustration and curiosity so that we can begin to heal ourselves.