I was Groomed as an Autistic Teen | AUTISM IN GIRLS

They need to teach kids in school about grooming and what to do if it starts to happen to you.

I'm 57, and I only discovered I have Autism a few weeks ago. I was groomed as a 5th grader by an older guy, and I, too, fell for all the lies, believed he loved me, experienced heartbreak alone, and lived with guilt & shame for decades. To make matters worse, I'd see the man every year in adulthood when I returned to my home town for July 4th celebration at my parents' house. He would always come into the yard and speak to all my family members; his parents lived just up the street. To top it off, he'd often mis-identify me as my older sister, who was his age, and who I look a LOT like. Every year I had to play it off as nothing when he appeared. Then, a couple of years ago, I was back home for my aunt's funeral, and the gossip around town was that the man had SA'd a cognitively disabled adult woman who could NOT have consented. I don't know how he was caught, but he's in prison now. I am disturbed at the thought of how many victims there are between me and the last one. I never told; I believed no one would believe or support me, and I think that's accurate. I didn't feel safe to tell, so I just carried it. Just a couple of weeks ago, I went back home and went swimming at the lake where he groomed me. I am reclaiming my hometown for myself after decades of avoiding it in fear of seeing him. I feel free and can enjoy pleasant memories I made there instead of always safe-guarding my mind against the pain, guilt, and shame. I'm glad you've made these painful discoveries at a much younger age than me, and I wish you well on your healing journey. I hope that the man who hurt you is no longer coaching or has access to young girls. I'm sorry for what you've had to suffer, and I'm glad you're talking about it and unburdening yourself. Be well, sister. It's not your fault; you were a child. He mis-used his position of power to prey on you; that was morally abhorrent and a crime. You didn't deserve to be abused that way. You are not responsible. Take care of yourself. Thanks for making this video.

when i was 8, my mom got a new boyfriend. he took a special interest in me. he would call the landline to talk to me and let me go on about what i was interested in. then he married my mom. he treated me like a princess, and i started calling him "daddy" and he was my world. the grooming was so gradual. i didn't realize something was wrong until i was a teenager. i remember thinking, "that girl on tv probably doesn't spoon with her dad with his hand between her thighs. i don't think this is normal." i didn't stand up to him until i was 14. then all my adoration turned to a toxic hate. and i still didn't tell my mom what was going on because i didn't want to break up our family. i acted like everything was fine. it took about a year before my mom saw through my act and asked me why i was so angry at my dad. i told her that he molested me, which was true. but i told her that it only happened once because i was afraid of looking "bad" for participating in this relationship for so long. even though i lied, she believed me, and kicked him out of the house. she asked me if i wanted to press charges but i was so afraid of being honest about my role in the story, because what kind of sick kid actively kisses their dad like that, and says yes to that attention over and over? i still struggle with that guilt, even though i know it was all him. he made it normal, and loving, and special. i've been more honest with my mom in recent years, but i still don't think she fully understands the scope of what happened. the cherry on top of this story? he's still a part of my life because my mom never became financially independent from him. they owned a business together, and now she's disabled and can't work. she eventually had to move back in with him because she couldn't afford her home. and then they reformed their relationship because "he's been to therapy over what he did to you and he feels so sorry for all of it. he's different now." i don't believe that for a second. i know that he's a master manipulator, and a twisted individual, and people like that don't change. i'm almost 30 now. and i am preparing to go no contact with him. last week, i closed the bank account that he helped me open as a teenager. he was joint on the account and could transfer me money anytime i needed it. all of our accounts, his, my mom's, and my younger brother's were all linked. and we used that to take care of each other when someone was struggling. i threw away that safety net to set my own account, separate from my family, all so that someday soon, once i get the rest of my stuff out of their house, i can finally set my boundaries. i will keep arranging my world so that i never have to see his face again, because every time i do, i go right back to those memories, the shame, the confusion, the righteous fury, it all comes flooding back. thank you for sharing your story. i wasn't going to share mine until after my no contact plan was completed, but listening to you describe your encounter with grooming made me want to share my own, and now i have. i feel angry right now, having brought it up, but i also feel lighter. and i hope that maybe some mom will read this, and be mindful that it does start out so innocent. my mom thought she had found a loving man who took an interest in her kids, and it was the best thing ever. i still love her, but she was wrong, and he was sick, and my life changed forever because of it.

You have absolutely NO reason to feel ashamed. You were not pathetic. You were a child. Don't be so hard on yourself

Olivia I just want to say thank you. I am autistic and wasn’t recognized until adulthood. Looking back it makes so much clearer for me. Particular my story of being abused over an over. This solidarity is so rare. I love your videos, keep it up darlin

I'm autistic and was groomed by my first long term relationship. I was 17 and he was 23 when we met online. He groomed me and go to know me with the intent of becoming sexual the second I turned 18 knowing that I was inexperienced and this was my first relationship. I didn't know it was wrong. He abused me emotionally, gaslit me constantly and went through all the steps above.

My daughter is 12 and moderately autistic. She is a hopeless romantic already so im always on guard with her where she goes and I just overthink myself to death in hopes this doesn't happen. Your so strong speaking about this and it's nothing to be ashamed of. He should be ashamed. I feel bad for this wife! Disgusting.

Victimization goes further than "minors cannot consent". Even if you could legally consent or were mature enough to consent, the "groomer" (aka abuser) is manipulating you emotionally and mentally. They are convincing you, their victim, that they love you and want to provide for you when that is not the case at all. Really the only thing they want is control. What you invited was the relationship you BELIEVED you were going to get and give. What you invited was genuine love, genuine affection and genuine mutual care. You are not to blame for someone manipulating and abusing you and betraying your faith. Ever. Whether you are 9 or 99. Even if you wanted "the relationship" - you were never given the true relationship; you were only given a manipulative illusion. No one ever wants or invites a manipulative illusion. Ever. EVER.

I didn’t find out I have autism until this year at 23. This happened to me when I was 15 too...and again at 18. You aren’t alone. Thank you for this

I just recently got diagnosed at age 23 after watching a lot of your content and that of other autistic women and afab people. One of the hardest things to process since realizing I'm autistic has been unpacking all of the subtleties and social cues I missed that led me into similar situations. Thank you for being willing to speak about this, it makes me feel heard and it's helping me understand that those things aren't our fault.

You just explained so many relationships I've been in... And I feel stupid too. I still get messages randomly from a few guys from years ago every now and then. And I fall for it every time. I'm 30 at the end of this year and I'm terrified of ever being in a relationship because of this. I can't tell if someone is genuine or not. I wish I could...

I'll add that I had a "boyfriend" when I was 15 and he was 21. Luckily, once I got to know him, I didn't like him at all, he kind of made my skin crawl. He made it very hard for me to "break up" with him since I didn't want to be mean to anyone back then. He would act like if I left he would be devastated, etc. Luckily my dad intervened. He'd never liked me dating him in the first place. Back when I was that age, no one had the understanding of these things they have now. Also, I've learned that "being mean" toward someone trying to manipulate you with their feelings is a healthy thing to do.

Thank you for sharing your story! As a mom of a young autistic girl, I deeply appreciate your honesty. You are helping me help daughter. 💜

That guy sounds like a narcissist. They start “love bombing”, giving gifts and attention. They get you addicted and then pull back, causing you to feel confused. Then, when you react negatively they start gaslighting you, denying anything is wrong and making you feel crazy! Eventually, they discard you, and after some time start “hoovering” or sucking you back in! This has happened to me a few times as an adult, and it’s disgusting that he did this to you when you were a child!

Wow, that’s awful you’re very brave to be able to talk about it. People like that are so sick. It’s even more disgusting when they target people like us, who have a harder time picking up on the situation. This needs to be stopped

Bless your heart. You are not to blame. He is/was utterly despicable and manipulative. You were gullible, not stupid. You are an amazing, courageous young woman. Thank you for sharing your story. There is no telling how many young women you will have helped by speaking out. 🙏🏻❤️🙏🏻

This happened to me at 19...and he was my friend's 45 year old step-father. People still blame me for what happened, but I no longer blame myself after learning that I am autistic, and learning about grooming!

I had similar experiences growing up. I couldn't figure out why I was always the target over other people. Now that several people suggested I'm autistic, it makes a lot more sense now.

I am soo proud of you. You are brave. I think everybody should watch this video - autistic or not. Your straight forward description of the process of grooming is better than what I can explain to my teenage kids. And then to follow up with your own experience showing how it correlates to those steps is powerful. He still has a hold on you while you experience shame and embarrassment. Please free yourself of holding yourself accountable or responsible for what happened to you. Predators have an evil ability to identify people who can be susceptible - adult or child. And their patience is otherworldly. Thank you so much for sharing your story. I pray that it is a monumental step in your healing.

Olivia, your story is mine. A coach at age 14 wrapped me around his finger, took advantage of me emotionally and sexually. then dumped me and called me a slut to my teammates and caused them to reject and ignore me. I was alone and couldn't tell anyone because I thought I was responsible... And I too felt responsible for years, probably 20! It was when I had children of my own and could see their innocence and how even at 15 many girls are so vulnerable to an older guy's attention that I really saw the truth. I really want you to be free from shame about this. Please hear this: you are not/were not stupid for for being young and naive and innocent. That's exactly how you should be at that age! You are not stupid for having perfectly normal feelings in such a situation. He was a crafty manipulator and It's all on him - ALL of the responsibility. It takes courage to get the truth out in the open and expose the lies, and I hope you feel greatly empowered by doing so. Good for you Olivia. Thank you so much for sharing. And BTW, I .do not deal with ASD personally... Sadly, Grooming happens with many many neuro-typical girls as well