Being Taken Advantage Of As An Autistic Person

NT's don't commit to the level that we do. You can't expect people to be like you when they aren't like you. I finally learned that the things I will do for people, they will never in a million years do for me. It's actually quite freeing when you finally realize that.

I am so used to people treating me like shit that when someone is nice and does nice things for me my suspicions go through the roof. Am like red alert. What does this person want from me kind of thing. Am sure their motives are pure and honest(maybes?) but I can't help wonder wondering can I trust this person.

Since a now friend made me aware of this was happening and I stared to say no to people. I've found nobody now speaks to me because they don't get anything from me

The unfair thing about this is that in this world run by and for NTs they expect you to "pay your way" and have no right to exist and have fun, get a car or a house, when we can't even manage to be fairly compensated in situations like you have just described proving why we need the support of a good welfare system. Typical that many of the same NTs who would be judgemental of us on welfare also would not likely employ us to give us a decent wage or we would get the sort of situation you describe.

Yeah, I've made the same general experience that being good in this world doesn't get you very far, on the contrary. Most people are so horrible. It makes me so sad and embrace a hermit life.

I can relate; I've been learning about this concept being the "fawning" stress response, with fight-flight-freeze being some of the better known ones. It can be a survival strategy (conscious or unconscious) when a person tries to people-please as a way of "pacifying" the person who is antagonizing them.

I never knew til it was too late, too. And then people used to say things like, "Just don't be gullible." Very unhelpful advice. Like I was choosing to let people take advantage. Now I just don't trust anyone. It's the only way I can "not be gullible."

Being taken advantage of is a pain I know all too well. The few times I've been taken advantage of as a child haunt me to this day and my dad doesn't help by reminding me of those events whenever I go into a new social setting. Each time he does pangs me with guilt because I obviously know better now but it still beats me down to think I was that naive as a kid. Your stories help me feel less alone in this topic. Thank you Dana

I like to think that I am good at avoiding getting taken advantage of. But some stuff has happened. Mainly with people the government has paid to help me.

I take things literally to sayings like “do your best” so I would do my all where I give up most of my spoons for certain things NTs would never do. After taking a step back, I still carry a sense of guilt of “what ifs” even though I don’t carry as much stress. It’s truly a double edge sword.

i feel this so much. it's so difficult to meet new people when others will take advantage of you.

I'm autistic and a big people pleaser. I'm also late diagnosed at 44, which I'm still dealing with, but that's a whole different story. When it comes to being taken advantage of, I'm sadly reflecting back on SO many things and situations in my life where I was taken advantage of and didn't even realize it until now or very very recently. Some of my "best" friends in school, and even after school. I thought they were my best of friends and never thought twice. Looking back, it's amazing to realize how much I did for them and how little I got back. I helped one of my best friends with money, all the time. I'd pay for their lunch almost daily. When they finally got a job, I don't remember them ever buying me lunch or anything like that. How could I not realize such obvious things at the time? And the list goes on. I'm also a super people pleaser and am embarrassed for it, but it is how I was raised. At this stage, I'm pretty much with Dana's perspective and just try not to really do nice things for most or just about anyone because I feel like it'll never be returned. And I think I have and do it now even to people that SHOULD be getting that from me, because they are or at least I think they are the ones I can trust with a two-way street of niceness and helpfulness. So yea, I've been taken advantage of, a lot. Sorry for the rant, but again I'm just realizing what has been happening around me for my entire life and it is pretty depressing. Sorry for your experiences Dana and everyone else here, it really sucks.

I was diagnosed late in life but for years I have felt like I have sucker tattooed on my forehead because anytime someone needs something they come to me because I can’t say no

people pleasing can be a curse. :(

I like what you said about saving the kind part of yourself for the people who deserve it!

With practice you will learn how to accept nice things.It’s not easy at first. People pleasing-How do you feel in the first 3 seconds? Do you feel a nudge of doubt? Listen to it. You can burn out if you keep pleasing. Especially if it’s at your expense. What do you want? Not because people say do it. Your own ambitions? Focus on them and sometimes help but learn to know real boundaries. I don’t know if I’m explaining this right. I was a people pleaser who was trained to be a slave! I’ve been abused & nearly killed for it. I can no longer be around people as a result. What I’m trying to say is you need to try to find a balance. Maybe give time for a charity where what you do will make a difference which can be rewarding especially if it’s something you believe in. We wear our hearts on our sleeves & people are cruel & twisted but come across as nice it’s a facade & a game. We are beacons of shining light in a world with not much light & it attracts the wrong people not the ones we would like. It hurts in many ways physically & emotionally. Learn strategies to help mitigate these issues what works for 1 person might not work for you but there’s no harm giving it a go. Liked your video. I just hope I made sense. I’m a little fogged up right now.

Being selective is an eternal struggle for me as well

been taken advantage a few times. I got scammed by somebody where i was sending him money bc he was manipulating me with fake stories. I also got into a situationship few years back where the guy only wanted me for sexual things and i was so in love with him.

None of this is your fault. You have a good work ethic and are conscientious. These people are responsible for their own behavior. I can definitely relate. I've been taken advantage of all my life and it's not always easy to tell right away and I have often thought that if we stop doing anything in relationships with others it will be constant instability and a stream of goodbyes. I'm in my 60s and am about done because that is what it's come to. People either lose interest in me when they feel I have nothing more to offer or when I need anything from them or they become mean and nasty and I have to end the friendship. It is really exhausting to be the more committed one. I breed rats and meet alot of people who adopt from me. I had a friend for about 2 years who acted like she loved me and really wanted to spend time with me and after her rats got old and passed away she became less and less invested in the friendship. In the beginning I thought she accepted me and didn't treat me differently because of my being autistic but it ended badly when she started canceling plans with me and telling me she was going to do something with her kids of husband those days instead. She seemed to not care that she was treating me as unimportant and acted as though it was her prerogative to just blow me off and stand me up. The relationship reached the point at which she barely spoke to me on PM on Facebook just sending me cute pictures, and not there for me in practical ways or even for emotional support. Then when I asked her for two small favors when I was getting a new puppy to replace the 15 year old that had recently died she sent me a very callous message telling me I shouldn't get the breed of dog I was planning and refusing to help me with a reference to a rescue organization or to go bring home a pen I found for my future puppy. I was not even asking her for any money but she started acting like I couldn't handle it because of my physical disabilities and went into this long diatribe about how important to her her weekends were and about having teenage kids, etc. That never stopped her from getting together with me before and we used to go to that store before many times and she would buy things there too. I pointed out that I had everything covered and that I am an experienced dog owner who have always had working breeds and have worked as a trainer in the past for a dog breeder of big, high energy dogs, and that all I needed from her was to drive there to the store where I was getting the pen and I would take care of the set-up and taking it out of her car. She made it very clear after almost a year of ignoring me that if I didn't let her control my whole life and tell me what to do that it was her way or the highway and that she could get anything she wanted but had different standards for me. It was clear then that she didn't view me as her equal. That was the straw that broke the camel's back for me. and I knew it was useless to work this out because I would forever be one-down, so I walked away at that point and didn't even respond to her nasty and ableist message.

I just had the horrible realisation. ND people don't take advantage of people who are autistic, at least not specifically. They take advantage of anybody who let's them. We are just very easy to manipulate and therefore taken advantage of.