autistic women: 16 *unrecognized* signs

1. Social over-thinking (over- or under-sharing) 2. Exhaustion/chronic fatigue from social interaction 3. Raging sensory issues (sounds, smells, the feel of things) 4. Masking (hiding the real you) 5. Dating issues (limerence) 6. Chronic anxiety/depression (ie confident at work but falling apart in the home/untidiness) 7. Crying a lot 8. History of female friendship issues (trusting women) 9. Being entrenched in a fantasy world ie programmes on TV/series 10. A massive need for repetition 11. Secret ‘picking’ ie fluff off a blanket 12. Heightened clumsiness 13. Preferring to be alone 14. Faking/masking how hard daily life is for you 15. Highly empathic towards animals 16. Being good at reading people (and gauging how to respond)

I am trying not to over identify. As a 50yo therapist who is so wiped out by client interaction; I don’t have friends or a romantic partner. I feel fulfilled by my relationships with my adult children and pets. I am exhausted by comparing myself to others my age. I am accepting that my weirdness just is.

I wonder how many neurodivergent women end up with narcissistic partners? Seems to be a bit of a tragic , magnetic pull. When you start to understand the relational dynamics, it makes perfect sense. Thank you for the video, and thank you to all the commenters. I'm learning learning learning 🙏🏽 I sobbed through the whole video, resonating powerfully with every detail. I'm newly menopausal, I left my abusive, narcissistic partner last spring, after 30 years and two kids, I'm in trauma-informed therapy for the first time in my life, and things are finally starting to make sense! Everything sucks, I'm broke and very alone, but also, in many ways, I'm SO relieved. Your video helped me today. Thank you.

“Menopause turned the lights out on my energetic motivation to be in the world.” That hit hard…never even thought about that 💡

“Needing more recovery time after socializing” hit me between the eyes! YES! That is me, and now I understand it better!

Psychedelics are just an exceptional mental health breakthrough. It's quite fascinating how effective they are against depression and anxiety. Saved my life.

I work at home and talk on the phone all day long. I enjoy many aspects of my job, but by the time I get off from work, I am absolutely wiped out. The last thing I usually want to do is socialize, and I'm often filled with dread whenever my phone rings outside of my working hours.

This was SO rich with gems like: "Intuitiveness could be pattern-recognition," and "the trail of broken female friendships," and "the windows are always open, so it gets dustier," that I had to watch twice. Thank you!

You were talking about me during this video. I do everything you mentioned - and I have been doing it since I was a todler and I am now 74. (And female btw). I had a very traumatic childhood with a malignant narcissistic mother who was true to type and refused to die until she was 96, making my life a misery. I have had two divorces because I didn't know how to relate to men, plus I always needed so much alone time. I have ended so many friendships over the years, even right up until today, because I make allowances for them but they do not reciprocate. No-one understands me at all and yet I am so open, up-front and honest. I have finally thrown in the towel - at long last - and now I am only doing what I want to do that makes me feel safe and happy and much less stressed. I am tired of putting on a mask and being a people pleaser. My therapy is adult colouring in and I try to do some every day because it makes me happy and relaxed. I used to be a people person but people ruined it for me. I am very happy with my own company and I like who I am now. I have stopped being disloyal to myself. Thank you for this great video, I am all of the above.

I’m 51. And just got an autism diagnosis

Menopause seemed to be the thing for me that really started the slide into no longer being able to hide and mask consistently. I relate to every single point, thanks for the validation and explanations. You are helping so much with your channel.

I’ve heard Autism described as being either “too much” or “not enough” of various things – for instance hyper-or-hyposensitivity, or being ridiculously good at certain things and ridiculously bad at others. From that standpoint, it makes sense that Autistic traits are still things that everyone experiences – the difference in us is the intensity of those experiences.

This is unrelated but you have such a compassionate calming energy... The wallpaper is a good representation of you, idk if thats a weird comparison 😅

I have had an extremely traumatic life, including being used as a sex slave for money by my mother, had two marriages to a narcissist and a sociopath (not my imagination as psychological testing was done) and I was told I was normal. As a child and teenager, I was very social, but needed alone time everyday. Being married, divorced, remarried and raising 4 children put a stop to that. Since my children scattered to the 4 corners of the globe, I moved away from my city to a tiny farm village. For the first time I have really come to know myself. I am an introvert who loves people. I am also a serious empath who actually gpfeels the emotions of others. This is exhausting, especially when the people around are extremely negative. So I stay home. I have always been different, always been deeply spiritual, experiencing things others don't, thus they usually reject me. It used to hurt, but not anymore as I spend most of my either studying or doing art or crafts. I believe that so many labels have been invented for people falling outside of a decided spectrum, where in fact we are all unique and trying to cope with what life throws at us. I am now 71, still studying and completely independent.

So many of these are me! I knew I had ADHD tendencies but it didn’t dawn on me that I may be autistic. Your video is eye opening!

The light and smell sensitivity is for real. I had to put blacks out shades on windows in my house bc I can’t stand bright light all day. I’ve just been labeled as “difficult”.

"Autism is an expression of naturalness in human development" --- loved this language, & have never heard it talked about like that; I always think: "Aren't we [autistics] the ones who lean more towards natural, organic expression, versus socially constructed/conditioned behaviors?"; I also ponder: "What if we were all like this? Wouldn't it be an easier & kinder world all around?"; I got my Type I / high masking Autism diagnosis about a week ago, and have been following along on this journey with you as more clinical research continues to comes out. Thanks for all of your wisdom & sharing! <3

My kids are beyond college, and are all living their own lives. “Empty nest” for me has meant living without the identity and daily structure of a parent. It has forced me to confront my life as a masked autistic. This is compounded with being raised by a narcissistic mother because I had to mask from an early age to conform to her expectations. As I got older, I had to mask to conform to social expectations. So, at 57, I’m excavating who I really am while in the midst of late-onset menopause. It’s a lot, but I am heartened that so many of us can now compare notes and know that we’re not alone on this journey. Thanks again 💜

It amazes me to hear this and recognize myself in all of it. I was diagnosed with autism 3 years when I was 47 yo. and at first didn't believe the diagnoses until I looked into it and was blown away at how much I lied to myself about things so I wouldn't feel bad for being so different but I'm always worried when I am visiting with people that am I saying things right l, am I acting right and then after I leave I go over and over the conversations and beat myself up for saying something I thought was dumb. Also the part about wanting to be alone but also being lonely.....wish I had known this years ago. May have saved a lot of suffering I've had. I wonder if it's common for us to get divorced. I was married to a very abusive man that I convinced myself wasn't abusive because I was afraid of change but after I got the divorce and was able to look back I saw how awful things were.

checking all the boxes. And I'm starting to accept who I am without putting pressure on myself to get a specific diagnosis. The DSM is just a book. The real lived experience of someone is unique and there are a lot of factors that go into why we are the way we are.