The Shocking Difference Between How Boys & Girls Use Technology - Jonathan Haidt

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I remember talking to my sociology professor(a man) about how boys and girls stand when talking to eachother back in 2004. It feels good to hear my ideas validated

My dad and I used to talk about how Japan's masculinity was going down the drain back in the 90s/2000s (hence why we ultimately didn't move to Japan once I got older, we stayed in the U.S. fearing that Japan was failing). Decades later, this phenomena is now here in the U.S.

As a barman I saw the 120/180 degree behaviour in people standing at the bar. I learnt so much from watching people.

2009 is right about when the world started blaming all there problems on young men while at the same time telling them they’re privileged and should be way ahead in life. It’s no wonder they started gradually getting depressed.

This guy has such a good philosophy and balanced solution for interacting with the modern age of technology. We need more like him.

It's okay to face a man square-on when greeting and departing, but other than that, "squaring up" feels like a confrontation. Even fighters are often uncomfortable looking each other in the eye before the fight.

120° for men also allows for more peripheral vision for predator clocking.

More and more structured towards girls…I think you blurted about 90s, but already by the 80s this was hitting its stride. How do we get it more widely known that this problem is not only decades old, but that society is unimaginably clueless about this and the problems it has and will continue to cause??

That ‘male withdrawal’ started in the 70s and 80s is true. Someone reminded me recently of the feminist meme ‘a woman needs a man like a fish needs a bike’. There were plenty of similar memes. Reading that as a boy or young man would make them hesitate to try to form relationships - why bother if you won’t be needed?

2 practical things I learned from video games: 1: How to operate heavy machinery. It's so similar to video games that it's extremely intuitive. 2: Rock band and guitar hero taught me how to play drums, super underrated video games.

I have to applaud Chris’s research in the field, his acumen, and his delivery of complex ideas. It’s impressive time and time again. However, there seems to be a trend with young men today to succeed rather than connect, to ‘train’ for it, rather than ‘be’ it. For example, being able to relate to women is not a skill, not a technique, not a process to learn through some AI tool or any other tool or practice one must master. Yes, different communicative tools can help. But relating to someone needs no a mastery of any technique, whether it be from AI, or some martial arts technique, or any kind of process. Relating to others is not a ‘mastery’ of anything. It’s a vulnerability. It’s laying yourself bare, open, exposed. That’s where the real strength and the real courage lie. That’s where real connection begins. There’s this growing paradigm with men today that they need to ‘do’ something to ‘get the girl’ or ‘find true love.’ I know it comes out of good intentions, but honestly, it’s not only shallow but downright degrading to human relationships. People aren’t tasks. Girls aren’t trophies. Finding love is not a goal. We need to turn back to just being. Being real. Longing to connect, share, help, encourage … and stop this nonsense of making everything an exercise at the gym or some mental routine in order to ‘get’ what we want. This premise has taken over the US in recent years and it needs to stop before it spreads elsewhere. Let’s turn back to being human again. Back to caring about others and not so obsessed with what we are getting. ❤

I am always so impressed with Jonathan Haidt when I see him being interviewed. He's a scholar and a pundit but he's always such a gentleman. His analyses are incisive and he's humble in his responses. I never see anyone who is being interviewed be so interested in the views of the interviewer. It makes me want to hear more from him.

People need to realize how disastrous it was to tell people they shouldn't date people they work with. After school, where are you suppose to meet people? All of my adult friendships I've had spawned from either my wife's family or working with someone. People are so scared that any advance towards them is frightening because of HR and this shit rule.

I guess that's why they call preparing to fight "squaring up"

My two cents as a 38/m with money and a boat that has completely checked out after dating regularly until 33: it isn’t worth it. I don’t feel like boyfriends/husbands/fathers are valued at all in modern society. You can get a date very easily, the market is saturated, because so many men just don’t want to bother (too much supply, not enough demand).

I am “free” in world that is no longer designed for me but if I think about leaving I’m the bad guy

Incredible stuff Chris. In the pre smart phone era….When I was a young single man, we would try to get better at talking to women in a few ways….Talk and flirt to women that must talk to you: waitresses, bartenders, hostesses. In fact we would go to gentleman’s clubs and talk to the dancers for no other reason then engaging a beautiful woman in conversation. It absolutely helps with approach anxiety and improves your ability to talk to women.

I feel like i have to pick on Jonathan Haidt here for a minute. These types of people shape the discourse in this country and yet their life experience (which is often extremely limited) is radically different than most of us. When Haidt talked about playing paint guns for the first time at age 29 i almost laughed out loud. Most normal boys are playing some form of warfare by age 6 or 7. Whether its squirt guns or running around in the woods using one's imagination. We were shooting eachother with paintballs by age 12 with no protective gear. This kind of thing typically evolves into organized sports where one's "killer instinct" is hopefully cultivated in a way that keeps the violence in check. The point is, these scientists write these books and make themselves out as authorities on life and living when they have done none of their own. "Haidt received a BA in philosophy from Yale University in 1985, (at age 21) and an MA in psychology in 1988 (age 23) and a PhD in psychology from the University of Pennsylvania in 1992." roughly age 28. So he basically skipped the whole part where you actually grow from a boy to a man and just went straight to being a scientist studying the rest of us. You really need to start looking critically at these guys.

What payoff? A house and a family? Either can simply be taken from them if they can even obtain them in the first place.