13 Signs You Are dating an Alcoholic | Alcohol abuse and relationships.
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Published 2023-08-26
Welcome to this insightful YouTube video where registered psychologist Dr. Becky Spelman will delve into the topic of identifying hidden signs of alcoholism in your partner. In this video, Dr. Spelman will discuss 13 less obvious indicators that the person you are dating may be struggling with alcohol addiction.
1. Love Bombing: Initially, they may shower you with excessive praise and attention, seeking validation from you intensely.
2. Exaggerated Behavior: You might notice them acting over the top, being excessively extroverted, and making ridiculous jokes as a way to mask their underlying issues.
3. Public Embarrassment: Due to a lack of empathy, they may not consider your emotions and engage in behaviors that embarrass you in public.
4. Gaslighting: They may resort to gaslighting, attempting to make you doubt your own perceptions and feelings, especially when defending their problematic behavior.
5. Avoiding Conversations: They may refuse to have reasonable discussions about how their actions affect you, avoiding responsibility for their behavior.
6. Inappropriateness: Their actions might lack proper judgment, ranging from being sexually inappropriate to not understanding social boundaries.
7. Unnecessary Actions: They may engage in unnecessary behaviors, overcompensating or trying to prove their worth, often driven by a desire to boost their ego.
8. Ego-Boosting: They frequently seek activities or situations that enhance their ego, such as working for free for a year or overemphasizing their accomplishments.
9. Possessiveness and Jealousy: They may display possessive or jealous behaviors, struggling to trust others due to their own emotional instability.
10. Increased Likelihood of Affairs: Their impaired emotional judgment may lead to a higher incidence of infidelity as they struggle to make sound decisions based on trust.
11. Selective Charm: They tend to be overly charming to those who can benefit them while being rude or dismissive to individuals who won't serve their interests.
12. People Pleasing: They have a strong tendency to seek approval and please others, often at the expense of their own well-being.
13. Co-occurring Mental Health Issues: Look for signs of other mental health concerns, such as breakdowns or periods of being suicidal. They may fear confronting these issues and try to avoid feeling emotions altogether.
Remember, it's crucial to understand that you cannot help someone unless they genuinely want to be helped. Addiction takes a toll on those closest to the addict, and it's essential to prioritize your own well-being. Join Dr. Becky Spelman in this illuminating video to gain a deeper understanding of these less obvious signs and equip yourself with valuable knowledge.
Dr. Becky Spelman is a top Psychologist in London, Becky is the Clinic Director for Private Therapy Clinic which has clinic's based all around central London including; Harley Street, Wigmore Street, Bank, Earls Court & Canary Wharf. Becky uses Psychodynamic Therapy, Cognitive Behavioural Therapy (CBT), Eye Movement Desensitisation Reprocessing, Dialectical Behaviour Therapy (DBT) and Mindfulness to treat a range of difficulties with a particular interest in Borderline Personality Disorder and the difficulties that go with this condition such as relationship difficulties, anxiety, depression, low-self esteem, social anxiety, fear of public speaking, fear of intimacy, interpersonal difficulties, anger, body image issues, eating disorders and addictions.
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All Comments (21)
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Just left a recovering alcoholic after 3 years. Even tho he was recovering I hated how negative he was all the time. He relapsed every 6 months or so. Alcoholics have deeper issues than just alcohol. They don't enjoy life period. He wouldn't do anything that makes me happy and he was only focused on recovering from alcohol. Alcoholics are just too preoccupied with addiction issues to be in a relationship and to make someone else happy. Leave and find someone with a positive outlook. It took me 3 years to see that. I have my own place now and never would go back. Thank you for the video! Very accurate! Life is good again LEAVE LEAVE LEAVE. Even if he stops drinking that mechanism of "feeling like crap all the time so that they have to self harm and numb" stays forever. LEAVE LEAVE LEAVE!
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Going out to dinner and not eating/ordering food but happy to drink. I did that for years and never understood why people would be miffed with me. 13 months sober here.
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My advice is once you realize the person you are dating is an alcoholic, break up with them. It’s not worth pursuing a relationship with an alcoholic. You are going to be in for some really rough times if you stay with them. Certainly, don’t marry an alcoholic and tie up your finances, children, and life with somebody who has a drinking problem. It’s guaranteed misery, and then you’ll have to give them half your money when you get divorced.
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Just dodged a huge bullet by watching this video. I recently started seeing a guy who is absolutely amazing when he’s sober, but when he drinks he is so full of self-loathing. I know that if he was just his sober self, I could build a beautiful life with him. We understand each other, he’s creative and resourceful, and he’s kind and loving. But his dependence on substances to numb his past traumas is a detriment to himself and our relationship, so I have decided to end it before it really gets off the ground. Luckily he’s very understanding and kind and he took it well. It’s still one of the worst feelings I’ve experienced, though, knowing the potential, the “what might’ve been”
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I hope people will heed your advice. I’ve been in a couple of those relationships, they said that they wanted sobriety, so I laid down the rules, & after 3 months, the main rule of not drinking was broken. I learned long ago that the only person you can change is yourself.
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Thank you Dr. Becky for your work. After a year of falling in love with a functional alcoholic in denial and entering a long distance relationship and him breaking up with me over a fight, I am finally free. The outcome of dealing with this person really confronted me with my deepest wounds. I managed to overcome them and feel secure now. Phew! What a ride. On to my real love.
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Very good point...narcissism traits are something I definitely detected in alcoholics....
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I am now 5 months broken up from a 2 year relationship with an alcoholic. Listen to what this lady is saying -- she hit all the pointers right on the head. You may experience just few of the signs she talked about or most of them but they will definitely reveal themselves over time. The first two or three were particularly startling for me because my ex partner was so anxious for me to be his girlfriend and then move in together shortly thereafter. At the time, I didn't really interpret this as a red flag because he was super sweet and attentive so I chalked it up to him having an anxious- insecure attachment style. A couple months later I started to suspect something was a little off when he was hanging around at the local bar on a regular basis and coming home with a case of beer almost nightly. Even though his previous relationship ended due to problems surrounding alcohol I still had the rose tinted blinders on and couldnt recognize what was happening.
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I'm only a quarter of the way through the video and what you're saying is so accurate it's scary. Every single point you make is spot on. I'm actually trying not to cry.
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Spot on 💯 I couldn’t stay any longer. I was being sucked dry.
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Left a relationship two weeks ago because of his drinking habits. This video really helps to validate my experience. I'm still dealing with a lot of cognitive disonance because we would only fight when there was alcohol involved, and apart from that I did consider him my best friend and a good guy. It escalated to intense emotional and verbal abuse and the defining straw was when he put his hands on me. I've never seen anyone so angry. The messed up part is that I'm dealing with a lot of guilt and feel like somehow it's my fault even though logically that doesn't make sense. I'm home and recovering from that connection, even though he said the meanest things that make my heart feel like hundreds of pounds to this day, I really hope he can get some help and live a good life.
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Thank you for this information. I painfully and briefly dated an alcoholic and he checks all these boxes. I don’t think I could help him and now I know you can’t help people that deep without losing ur self
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BINGO! Dated an alcoholic BPD, all 13 points were there. Thanks for making me understand it was not about me, it was about her.
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I just thanked to my therapist that finally Im not dating a narcissist, bpd or such, and look at me now! 4 months into dating an alcoholic… Im just at minute 5 of this video, but I know now what he is… Thank you for the video…
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You have just succinctly described why my marriage of 4.5 years ended. Thank you for providing much needed closure. This video is so valuable x
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Hello! Thank you for this new video! I never drink alcohol. I am absolutely scared of alcohol. From my point of view, drinking alcohol is absolutely useless. It's not necessary at all. As a human, I don't need it. I've seen and heard horrible things when I was a child because of alcohol... Bad memories. All those years would have been better without alcohol... No wonder I'm like that today 😄 This video is very helpful. Thank you very much!
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wow thank you for this. This was the best made video on spotting someone with alcoholism that I've seen so far. I wasn't sure if I was dating an alcoholic but now it all makes sense.
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Wow, seems like alcoholics exhibit the same behavior as narcissists.
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So clear afther 10 years a broke up you are right alcholic cant love you, you have opend my eyes tnx for this video
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it's painful to admit but I'm dating a highly functional alcoholic:( it's all very sad
