EFAP #274 – The Assassination of Chris Stuckmann by the Coward Chris Stuckmann

"The movie was bad, you say? Tell that to Madame Web's snapped spine!" - Christoph Stuckmannized

I AM CHRIS "I reject all criticism because I'm waiting days, weeks, months and years for a studio to give me a call even though I think making a movie under a studio's supervision is a real pain in the ass" THE FILMMAKER

that's the wrong thumbnail, where's the ocean spray bottle?

He doesn’t actually “love” film, he idolizes it. That’s why Scorsese or Tarantino can say something is crap no problem. Because they’re actually interested in the medium/craft, and becoming a celebrity is a side effect. Whereas Chris clearly cares more about having the title of “filmmaker” (and the potential status boost), and creating movies is just a vehicle to access that.

Stuckmann refusing to properly critique abysmal movies reminds me of when Ned Flanders refused to properly critique his new “house”, until it collapsed into rubble. “So, Stuckmann, what do you think of the movie that love built?”

“Chris… I want the piss scene.” - MooLer, 2024

Guys, please, be more understanding. Stuckmann's milquetoast anti-criticisms of shitty movies are the only thing that bring him joy in life.

Building a bridge is hard, never criticize a construction company when a bridge fails.

I love how Jlongbone’s response to Stuckman’s “review” is absolutely tame compared to the responses to her response!

Man, who would've guessed Chris Stuckman was replaced by a Skrull

"You should never criticise people who do the thing I want to do in the future, so you can never criticise me"

Holy crap, I've had people actively wish for the demise of my family and myself and I wasn't as upset about it as Stuckmann was when RLM called him a prick.

"The studio just wants to retain the rights to a character, so they don't actually care about the project, so they heavily interfered with the project they don't care about." - Chris Stuckmann.

That JLongbone guy really stepped in it this time. Got all them crazies after him.

I have no idea if Chris Stuckmann is really trying to be nice or if he's a total sellout, but it boils down to this: refusing to address negative aspects of a film is a complete dereliction of duty as a film critic, and he is doing his viewers an immense disservice by doing so. He has absolutely no business being called a "film critic" if he sticks to this. Used car salesmen have higher professional standards than Stuckmann.

We are reaching spineless levels that should not be possible

What I don’t get is that Chris Stuckmann stopped “criticizing” movies because he wants to be a filmmaker in some capacity and believes this direction on his channel will help him achieve that goal. And then he goes on to criticize studio interference nonstop. Which studio is actually going to hire you to make their film if you won’t let them make some forms of creative decisions. And even if he ends up making a movie with a studio and it bombs, then the studios are just going to be afraid that Stuckmann will blame their decisions or interference on the failure of the movie instead of taking some blame himself. If he only wants to make independent films exclusively for creative control, then what’s the bloody harm in criticizing all movies fairly? Does he genuinely believe no actor/producer/cameraman/etc wouldn’t want to work with him if he critiques movies fairly? Edit: Ok, Fringy brings up this point at 3:24:00. The producer Fringy has ruined my creative idea and destroyed my comment as a result.

Timestamps 0:00 Ethimology 1:30 Wed-Efap 9:30 Intro 10:38 The Video Starts 12:33 Embargo 14:26 Dune 2 16:10 Stuckman Statement 20:00 Kneeling 30:40 Indipendency 33:10 Director 38:30 Rotten Tomatoes 40:42 Better Help 49:39 Studio Influence 1:33:40 Writers 1:54:20 Producer's Powers 2:08:50 Technical Issue 2:10:48 Control 2:15:38 Sony & The Director's Freedom 2:30:12 2000s Superheroes 2:36:15 Winners & Liars 2:48:05 Money Generators 2:50:00 assumption 2:51:30 The Filmmaker 2:57:27 Zeitgeist 3:04:29 Pepsi 3:07:55 Poor Writers 3:13:28 The Ideal Industry 3:24:08 Ideas 3:30:23 Uncreative In Power 3:36:08 Support Good Movies 3:38:39 The Acclaimed Critical Filmmaker 3:40:56 The Uniue Position 3:43:20 End Credits 3:46:00 Jlongbone Controversy 4:34:30 Stuckman's Comment Section 4:48:00 The Old Stuckman 4:54:45 The Assassination of Chris Stuckmann 4:56:07 What we have Learned? 5:02:25 RLM 5:18:12 airfrying 5:19:45 What Rags Have Learned? 5:24:14 Youtubers 5:27:30 Wondering 5:30:00 The Guests 5:32:55 Closing a pointless stream

Madame Web suffered from a large budget you guys dont understand how limiting that can be!!!!

'Stuckmannization' is not a fate I would wish upon my worst enemies...