Clutter as a Trauma response After Narcissistic Abuse

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I hoarded and couldn't keep my belongings in order at the peak of severe narc abuse. I literally had to retrain myself to do dishes, fold clothes, do laundry, wash the bathroom. It was like the tasks were too complex and I didn't have enough energy to do them. All I could do was just sit and stare or sleep. I couldn't even read, it was too complicated.

I am in awe ! I used to be ocd clean and I live in complete mess now and just cannot get myself to get organized

It is not just after narcisstic abuse. When one grieves the loss of immediate family or soulmate(s), every little thing they wrote becomes precious.

"Your strength has gotten you this far"... well now I'm crying... I still can't believe I made it out.... 😢

My narcissistic mother just passed away. I can breathe for the first time in over 60 years. I’ve been afraid to move for being critically judged by her. Nothing was ever good enough. I have to learn how to exist. Thank you so much for this information. It is very healing.

I never imagined...It does feel like paralysis...Sometimes, it's so hard to even start very simple tasks...Now, I see the connection! Thank you Danish!

a philosophy that really helped me was this: "Do something constructive every day." and that can be something as simple as washing a couple dishes, sweeping the floor to finishing that shed in the backyard. it doesn't matter what the project is. what matters is that you are doing something/ anything to improve your surrounding and well-being.

I’m finally beginning to understand the deep scars left from narcissistic abuse. Letting go of abusive people — sincerely not caring about the pain they create — is freeing.

This video must be seen by many people who don't understand what the hell happened with them and their surroundings. Thank you! Incredible that nobody mentions this subject.

I never realized there was a correlation between clutter and narcissist abuse. It makes sense.

Psychedelics are just an exceptional mental health breakthrough. It's quite fascinating how effective they are against depression and anxiety. Saved my life.

Horrible abuse survivor here. Never got therapy. This explains everything I had been dealing with for quite a while. Thank you.

This is where I'm at on my healing. I've gone NO CONTACT for almost a year now. But I'm overwhelmed with clutter at home, work, and my mind. I'm trying so hard, but feel so weak and unmotivated. I'm really struggling. But I won't give up. Thank you for your content. ❤❤❤❤

I had no idea this was why I’ve left my house cluttered since my divorce from a covert narcissi. This is like a revelation. Thank you.

I had nothing growing up…mother just didn’t meet our need for clothes, blankets, bed linen, shoes….at times food. She was consumed with herself, not her home or children. Once I was on my own providing for myself, I did just that—provide for myself. But, I went overboard and soon found my living space cluttered. I had too much of the things I needed and wanted. As time went on, I realized that empty space had to be filled with something…anything. The space represented the holes in my soul ☹️😢. I was just empty and if I looked in a corner it brought me to tears. Fast forward 2 decades (& a few therapists), I’m much better. It’s so easy to donate, give away, or trash anything I don’t need. The 🦋 is emerging from her cocoon. Thank you for your videos…they are so very helpful ☺️😊👊🏼.

I had a therapist once say "every behavior is a solution to a problem." You absolutely nailed this, explained so much about my own clutter, and you have earned a subscriber.

I REALLY struggle with clutter. I can't choose and stick with an organizing system, leaving everything strewn around in chaos. It is a major source of shame, and I don't invite anyone over. I only recently heard of the connection to narcissistic abuse. Thank you for addressing this

This explains why I feel such an odd sense of liberation when I just leave stuff everywhere. I've always been such a neat freak. After 30 years of being unwittingly controlled by a covert narcissist, I'm now free and almost feel I need to "just be" without being criticised or severely chastised. Then just the thought of sorting it all feels like a crippling mountain to climb. I couldn't understand it.. now it all makes sense!

This makes total sense. My mother used to use cleaning as punishment for us. Toothbrushes on baseboards, tearing out every dish in the cupboards if one dish was dirty, throwing the dirty cat litter in my bed if I didn’t scoop it before school. Sometimes she would watch while we didn’t know and sneak up and hit us if we did it wrong, weren’t fast enough, had an attitude etc… so as an adult when my life gets chaotic…when it’s time to clean I feel like I’m being watched or punished and the anxiety I feel is overwhelming. The irony is the mess gives me anxiety as well 🙃🙃🙃 it’s a fun cycle