3 habits that kill your confidence | Shadé Zahrai | TEDxMonashUniversity

Key points: 1. Failure to start/procrastination -> Just start, begin with the smallesr action possible towards your goal 2. Serial failure to finish -> Find the meaning/the why and use that to pull you towards your goal 3. Hedonic treadmill/never feeling like it's enough -> Understand that you are not your work. Meditate. Pause. Be grateful. Stop comparing yourself.

Confidence isn’t “I know they’ll like me”, it’s “I’m okay if they don’t”.

Procrastinate due to fear of failure 😢😢 You pointed out very well.

OK I have to listen to this a few more times. I have entered a cycle of procrastination that has me feeling desperate and depressed. This is ridiculous because this is not who I used to be. This advice is extremely important. It’s just what I needed. Thank you.

It’s wonderful to see that the analogy of the Three Mind Pits is hitting home. Thank you for the beautiful comments! 🙏 When Faysal (my husband) and I were brainstorming the topic we agreed that without overcoming self-doubt no one can truly live their full potential. We hope there’s something in this talk that connects with you and inspires you to get unstuck. Thank you to TEDx for the opportunity to share this message. In case you’re curious, here’s the research underpinning this talk: • Knowing-doing Gap (Pfeffer & Sutton, 2000). • Rumination and Overthinking (Joubert, Moulds, Werner‐Seidler, Sharrock, Popovic & Newby, 2022). • Upward Counterfactual Thinking (Broomhall, Phillips, Hine & Low, 2017; Hedgcock, Luangrath, & Webster, 2021; Medvec, Madey & Gilovich, 1995 Broomhall, Phillips, Hine & Loi, 2017). • Neural Impacts of Social Rejection (Eisenberger, Lieberman & Williams, 2003). • Cognitive Reframing (Crum, 2021). • Meaning-Motivation Link (Molden & Dweck, 2000). • Productivity Orientation (Keinan & Kivetz, 2008).

Self-doubt can be developed from parental or any significant others disapproval. Those people are the most important self-confidence builders.

While healthy relationships are a part of your journey, so is solitude. Have you created time to spend with yourself lately? Really tune in and just be? There is one relationship at the core of all others: you-to-you.

I have been in self doubt lately it's refreshing this came on my timeline,it definitely reminds I can change my narrative and I have the power to do it for true self

I absolutely love Shadé and the way she explains concepts. I am truely inspired! Thank you Shadé!

I love this. I use that analogy. Watching my son trying to walk 10 years ago,motivated me to never give up.

TEDx talks are smth which we always look for.. Thank you TEDx ❤️

This talk beautifully summarizes the reasons for me be hesitant and stuck. Thank you Shade for your guidance, its time to act now!!! 😎

Summary with timestamps. ✏️ Three self-doubt mind pits that limit confidence: 2:31 Failure to Launch (the knowing-doing trap), rumination and overthinking. - "What if I fail?", "What if I'm underqualified?", "What if I've missed something?" 3:44 Treading Water (failing to finish what we start). - Hesitation, losing interest, seeking greener grass, getting bored. 4:54 Destination Obsession - You set an exciting goal; put in the work & discipline to achieve it. Only to derive a short burst of pleasure, followed by a lack of fulfilment. So you immediately set the next goal. - Feeling like you've never done enough. ============================== 💡 How do you free yourself and avoid falling in? ============================== 6:38 Failure to Launch + Shift your internal narrative (inner/mental chatter). Next time you catch yourself thinking: "I can't do this." => redirect to "How could I make this happen?" + Shift "I should do this" or "I have to do that" to: "I get to do this" or "I choose to do that". + Instead of combating disempowering thoughts, redirect your mind to empowering language that reflects personal control. 💪 + Finally, move from "why" to "what": instead of "Why don't I feel motivated?" ask yourself "What can I do to get excited about getting this done?" + ⚠ It's vital that the reframing is immediately followed by action! 9:10 Treading Water + If you find yourself stuck in this mind pit, schedule time to reflect on WHY you're doing what you're doing. ("For the sake of what?") 9:38 Destination Obsession + When you're aware of this unhealthy doubt-driven behavior, remind yourself of the irrefutable truths that: > You are not your work. > Your worth is not entirely a reflection of your achievements. and > You're not going to find lasting contentment on the hedonic treadmill of achievement. + Instead, set boundaries for yourself. Lastly, if you notice yourself feeling inadequate due to comparing your current reality to someone else's? Shift the narrative. Say: "I'm happy for this person. What can I learn from their Journey?" 🧠 You can unlearn [self-doubt] through creating new, healthier habits and tapping into the power of neuroplasticity that rewires your bra

This is one of the video i have watched that has refused to leave my mind. It keeps playing over and over in my mind. I saw where i have been getting it wrong and thst has made my life crawling. Thanks for this

Failure to launch has been my bane all my life. Thank you for pointing this out, hopefully even after failing many times later in life. I can start, continue and reach my target successfully 🙌

it's happen to me now and thanks God I watch this. Alhamdulillah

Her voice is so soothing

That's great to know why I feel exhausted sometimes. I always think that it could never enough for me and I have to make myself spend more time on my studying. Your video gives me a lot positive energy. I have learnt that I should "just do it" and stop thinking too much or comparing my journey to anyone. As you said "Excellece then is not an act but a habit" Thank you for inspiring me💗

I love her as the way she deliver the knowledge and talk.. nd voice

Oh, wow, it was the best talk about self doubt and how to manage it. All I needed today. Thank you so much Shade ❤️