How to feel safe when all we feel is stress & fear

This is so necessary for those of us who cannot either afford or find someone who can take our hand and walk us thru this darkness.

This is so important. I reject how most people throw survivors into anxiety categories. Many people are trying to heal after surviving in dangerous environments for so long. Therapy doesn’t always work because it’s easy to regret opening up to practitioners, because clients still feel like it can still backfire on them somehow. I hear many people feel this way after trying to go to therapy.

Irene talks in this video about the importance of getting away from situations or relationships where it is not safe. What makes me feel unsafe is that I do not have a social network. I am all by myself. No one I can ask for help from if I need to, no relative who accepts me as I am, no one who wants to listen to me. No one ever makes contact. I have no problems talking to people or taking contact. During all my years, I am the one who kept relationships going and when I stopped calling the relationships died out. So I live in a situation where unsafety is there all the time. How can I create inner safety without the outer safety?

I had a miscarriage a few months ago after trying to conceive for 11.5 years. It was emotionally traumatizing for me. The fact that a death occurred inside my own body while I was home in my bed. The place where I felt the safest completely messed me up. Because if something so horrible could happen there, it means nowhere is really safe. It means something horrible can happen anywhere and at anytime. And that put me into 24/7 fight or flight mode.

I started having anxiety attacks and feeling anxious and a feeling of dread in my stomach almost every day for months. I no longer felt safe anywhere because something horrible happened while I was safe in my bed inside my own body. My digestion was messed up because I was in fight/flight mode. Every time I had heartburn I was convinced I was having a heart attack. It was bad. I developed rib pain from being constantly tense.

I felt like I had no control and that nowhere was safe. I have slowly been getting better. The anxiety switched to more sadness and crying and depression last month which I actually preferred. I felt like I was actually grieving instead of thinking I was going to die soon, and I've been feeling better the last few weeks. I have actually gone several days without crying which is so good. And I've actually started feeling happy again. Before I felt either anxious, depressed, or like nothing mattered.

But going months without feeling safe and thinking you're going to die is just horrible, and I'm sorry for anyone else who has gone through something like this.

As a chronic pain and anxiety sufferer, I haven't felt consistently safe in my body in years. I have moments where I'm completely calm, but I realize those moments aren't long enough (nor frequent enough) to totally desensitize my nervous system.

I keep feeling "victim shamed" (I know I am not a victim although I was victimized )& blamed for my own abuse narcissistic abuse ,neglect and abandonment trauma .
sometimes I wish someone else could sit in my session so they can tell me if I am right or if It's literally my twisted perception of people due to early childhood trauma..IDK having Cptsd really effects my life in ways I am struggling to change on my own but can't afford to find qualified help. I don't know what other work I can do other than YouTube videos and excersises..
It's so true that the symptoms keep me from doing the things I want and love to do and I would love companions in my life but I seem to have a thick aura of " you better back the F up buddy " & probably a glaring stare saying "don't you dare!"....talk about unintentional self sabotage ... I've been trapped for so long and now that I am free I'm realizing just how much is going on in me...its very overwhelming and takes all my energy to stay out of horrible depression...I am so very grateful for you beautiful soul...I can't wait to not be constantly in fight,flight, freeze, or fawn..
I feel God is calling me to share so much and I just can't get unstuck and find the confidence I need to even start. Bless your beautiful self....NAMESTE ❣😇🙏

"not gonna come in and start being hostile and mean, hurting my client" - wish my previous therapists had had that view 🙄

I have no words to express my gratitude for all the amazing work you are putting out there!!
The knowledge about trauma and its integration has the potential to change the world! And you are a big part of it!! Thank you Irene!! ❤❤❤

I can relate to so much of this.
Feeling the things in your body. Although its uncomfortable, it does work.
For me the feeling of not doing/being good enough is so present in my system. I can literally feel it.

I know this is old but I'm just finding you. This is so beautiful and helpful.

I didn't even think about how my early childhood hospitalizations could have impacted my psyche more than just my medical phobias. This is super helpful!

I’ve been suffering with severe anxiety. I think the most severe I’ve ever had it in my life besides when I was a child and would cry for hours unnoticed or told to shut up or else I would get hit.

My body has gone into full blown PTSD for the past year and a half. I realized my nervous system is shot. I shake uncontrollably sometimes over very small stressors.

Thank you for these videos. I don’t have the funds right now but I’m hoping one day I can pay for your program

I love that you mentioned the fact that we can’t just wait to be in a fully safe environment, and I think this reaches us on a subconscious level, too. Because our mind is so focused on the threat, there will NEVER be a truly “safe” moment to know it’s time to begin.

I’m an education major and my independent study is about teaching educators how they can help students feel regulated during the school day so that they are actually receptive to the learning environment. (It’ll also help educators feel regulated themselves, which is so important for classroom management and their general health?) But how can they truly feel safe when the news is full of school shootings??

Thank you 💖

it's like the power of a secret, once you air it out it seems to go away.

I go around constantly feeling unsafe…like something bad is about to happen to me. I can’t even define what that bad thing is but I have these constant feeling of dread and doom. Sometimes is overwhelming and any little problem triggers that feeling, thinking “this is it, isn’t ? Is the bad thing I have been waiting for. Sometimes I can control it but often I can’t and I wake up at night feeling afraid and I don’t even know of what! It is truly exhausting.

I didn’t experience adversity you discuss when I was young, but did have a traumatic event about ten years ago, that I have been able to make a lot of progress on, but am still dealing with surrounding unsafe because the people involved are still around and are seeming to infiltrate my safe circle, making it very hard for me to be trusting and heal. Am looking forward to hearing this video, as I’m looking for a way to feel safe despite what’s going on outside of me right now.

This is a majorly important subject. Thank you. You are a diamond.

You have to feel all the feels; no bystepping.

Especially during a pandemic I am raising a baby and trying so hard to keep my fears at Bay so that I can be there for my child. Our mentality has a long term impact on ourselves and our children.

16:55 also if you 'have' a house to be safe in (not at risk of being evicted).