How Psychosis Changed My Life

After psychosis it was a jarring experience....i had to grieve the person who i was but i enjoy the reality check i needed.

You are not a bummer..you are a teacher. I'm so impressed that you work hard to put these episodes together.❤

24 minutes in.. Thank you for making this video. The reality of psychosis is something that only people who’ve gone through it can understand. I can’t really follow religious spirituality due to the unhinged spiritual experiences I experienced in psychosis. I definitely had to grieve the person I was, and get used to who I am becoming. But I still long for projects of myself that I thought were truly part of me before I had to change medications. Medications are a whole other story. It’s like how much are my perspectives, wants, and ambitions are filtered out due to an antipsychotic? I miss unwavering creativity and drive. I miss feeling like I understood my place in the universe. Now, life is “good”, but it’s almost so slow and stable that it’s unfulfilling. I just hope I can reach new heights and find purpose in my being. It’s not all bad. My story is a little different because drug induced psychosis kickstarted my bipolar and i haven’t been the same since. There’s been highs and lows but I really would’ve benefitted by staying sober sooner.

I’ve been following your youtube channel and was happy to hear you on the “Lost Patients” podcast 👏🎊. Your comments on the podcast, as in your youtube videos, are were helpful to understand what it’s like to have lived through a psychotic episode and how one deals with the aftermath of such an experience.

This helped me a lot. Very relatable. Thank you!

this video was a tad triggering but mainly because you articulated so well, thank you.

Truly appreciate your videos. Much respect and gratitude. 🙏✨

Thank you for sharing your experience, educating others, and breaking stigma through your channel, and congrats on getting featured on NPR! I've been finding your content really relatable and informative. It's been about 6 months since my hospitalization that put a wrap to an extended psychotic episode, and that was an extended hospitalization too. I went back to the hospital again recently after ruminating over things and being in shock over the consequences over damages done/caused, and I sense I'm in the grieving stage of the aftermath. I am grieving over lost time, damages done, hurt caused, and it's a lot of gravity to take in. It's really inspiring to see that you're in a space to be loving your life and have the capabilities to help other people. I am in therapy trying to learn how to heal unresolved trauma and not let it dominate me and affect me in how I respond/react in life. I wonder, if it's possible, if you could consider making a video on grief after psychosis and how to overcome that, that would be helpful. I could ask that to my therapist but sometimes it helps to hear it from someone with the lived experiences. Regardless, thank you so much again.

You are an amazing communicator! You use clear descriptions and analogies to illustrate your ideas.

Thank you Carolynn!

Ive changed. I used to be a push over, no direction. Now because i have an eternal bully inside of me (my voice) im not taking shit from anyone when i take shit from a literal demon everyday. Im stronger now. And very strange. Living with 2 personalities makes you an alien compared to everyone else. Im starting a solo ghost hunting channel. Plan on sleeping alone in haunted places to be the best bait i can be to get results. Ive seen crazy thing's too. I had my doppelganger show up 2 weeks before my schizophrenia. I was trying to warn myself.

Carolynn, thank you for being brave and honest in sharing your experience that has changed you and empowered you. have you ever thought of comparing NDE (near death experiencers) accounts and your experiences? because NDE experiencers report being changed for life. and in a way, the map of NDE - where they go, what they understand, teachings they receive - is similar. they have overlaps. and the reason is because in NDE the soul leaves the body as a result of medical conditions but in psychosis, the soul leaves the body temporarily as a result of not able to deal mentally with the hardships their environment presents with.

Exactly!

Thanks

Hi I am really glad that you are well and recovered. I am wondering what it was that made you reconnect with your Mother/parents after psychosis when you did not want anything to do with them. Was it their persistence, or how did that come about? Thanks for your great videos. This is a very rare area.

Wow ,u r awesome !

I am going to be so honest here: it is your choice entirely, but you do not have to return to anything that is triggering, especially if it messes with your mental health. PSTD trigger or not, triggers for uncomfortable experiences are no joke. I am this way now with this one wax melt I used during psychosis. Yeah, it smells pleasant. Yeah, it sucks it now that it doesn't comfort me and is bitter. I also had to leave certain friendships behind as they would purposefully make me question things about my reality. I am coming to terms with the fact that I needed to "figure the world out" or "become spiritual" like everyone else (mine was a spiritual psychosis, partially....). Basically: you do not need to have some elaborate to avoid a trigger, or get rid of an item, especially if it is something you don't have to have in your life. And if you are worried about those things, find replacement items or dress up the food with a different flavor that grounds you to what you are experiencing here and now vs back then. Also, remember this: you can always donate items that are clothing or reusable that no longer serve the right purposes for you. I did this with some clothes that trigger me, too.

Alguns sintomas considerados psicóticos seguem acontecendo contigo? Como por exemplo: ver vultos, ou sentir presenças, ouvir vozes...? Mais uma vez obrigada pelo vídeo. Um abraço!

I should give up trying to make sense of life and let myself be in a bewildered state. That's being comfortable in uncertainty. Also a title of a book by a Buddhist who I don't agree with. I'm a Fifty four years old man and a child inside.

i love you