My Aspergers Diagnosis Journey

Would you like to share your diagnosis story too? I'm compiling stories for a special project at the end of the month. To be involved simply message me or reply to this comment and I'll give you more info! :)

"I'm not Autistic I'm just an Engineer" - Me before watching this video ;_;

I have just been given a provisional diagnosis of autism. I am 59, and female. I have been taken to doctors since age 4, to find out what was “wrong” with me. I have no clue what I was diagnosed with as a child. Even as a child, I never felt like I belonged anywhere, not even in my own family. In my 30s, I was diagnosed with no less than 10 different psychiatric disorders ranging from dysthymia to schizophrenia (and everything in between). I was tried on 23 different meds, hospitalized numerous times, given loads of different types of therapy, finally given ECT. Guess what? Nothing worked! Doctors gave up and said they really didn’t know what else to do.... big surprise!. My adult daughter told me one day last year that she thought I probably had Aspergers, as I was very similar to people she knew on the spectrum. I was stunned! I am embarrassed to admit how ignorant I was about autism. Surely she was joking! For one, I am female, middle aged, above average intelligence, very articulate, and have worked since I was 15, including being a surgical technician in the Army. I was absolutely shocked when I began researching ASD, to find that I had problems in every area described in the DSM5. These were traits I had had since I could remember, that I never understood, but caused me to be tormented all through school. The psychologist I saw specialized in neuro psychology. At the end of my first meeting, she told me that in her opinion, I was Obviously on the spectrum, and had been misdiagnosed my whole life. I must say that I felt very relieved that all my quirks and difficulties had a reason. At the same time, I was incredibly sad when I thought about how much different my life could have been, even if I had been properly diagnosed even in my 30s. I really hope that others are properly diagnosed much earlier than I was, and don’t have to think of the majority of their life having been wasted.

I went to get a diagnosis after being laid off from a job. My mother said out of the blue, about 10 years ago, doctors said "you might be autistic". Apparently, after getting my official diagnosis, my mother said they wanted to institutionalize me and she said "he doesn't need round the clock care". This was in the 70s when Asperger's Syndrome was not recognized. I went to a local government job center, told the woman at the counter that I was laid off and said I might have a difficult time getting a job. I told her I might be Autistic. She gave me a number of a higher up in her line of work, and within a week I was sent to see another government person. Less than a week, I met with this person who sent me for testing at their expense. Met with the psychologist and talked about my life and telling her my mother said about 10 years ago I might be autistic. My testing was arranged for the following week. Did the tests and in 3 weeks I was called back to get the results. The psychologist went over her results which was a 9 page document Being diagnosed with Asperger's Syndrome, made me concentrate on things I can do and not things I can't control.

I was diagnosed in my mid-thirties. My psychiatrist, who I was seeing for depression, didn’t take long to figure it out, to his credit. 75% of people on the spectrum have depression, as I have read since. Finally I had an answer because I always knew something was off. Yet, I still can’t be myself around other people. I try to fit in and learned the strategies to do that from childhood. I “mask” around everyone but my girlfriend. If we’re out at a restaurant, she sees me acting all normal when the waiter comes over and then I go back to being me when he goes away. I start stimming but in subtle ways that I have learned over the years to be socially acceptable. She thinks I should just be myself, but after a lifetime of hiding it, I can’t. It seems dangerous to me.

To be totally honest, you seem like a very nice guy who's very articulate, direct and sometimes very funny. I guess I'd have to meet you in some setting like a diner or a pub or a coffee shop and have conversations over a period of time. I don't like judging people, even though we do it all the time and often unconsciously. I've been institutionalized on a number of occasions in my life, and this was due to a variety of afflictions. It's been a long time since my last incarceration in a mental health facility, so I feel fortunate. I always felt like an alien when I was a kid and that didn't really go away once I became an adult. There was always a sense of severe separateness that I've never been able to explain. I live with that feeling better now, but it took a long time. I truly appreciate in a very big way people like yourself speaking out. That affirms you, being here. I'm listening to you. I'm seeing you speak. You are real to me, and in listening, I become real to myself, if that makes any sense to you. I applaud you. Thankyou!

The dreadlocks story is interesting. You never know what's behind a choice in appearance

I wasn't struggling like you in elementary, but your middle school stuff, can't make friends...and the dreadlocks...it's all me. I'm 33, attending cbt for depression, but I keep telling my therapist that I felt like this all my life, I'm just very tired now of keeping the smile on...

When I was in school I knew I thought differently to everyone else. I left believing I was eccentric, but I struggled to keep friends, didn't understand relationships and didn't seem to have the know how that others took for granted. Autism runs in my family, but before I discovered it I thought we were cursed. I thought I was being punished for something I had done in a previous life. My memory for facts and figures is normal for me, but astounding to others. I can't stand small talk, and it doesn't occur to me to start a conversation with others, but I am polite whenever others speak to me.

Paul: dreadlocks=friends [Ghost of Bob Marley liked that]

Thank you, Paul! I'm 59 yo now and don't have a diagnosis yet, but since a 5-6 years it's grown more and more that I'm on the asperger spectrum. You know the intro for Mr Bean; the light, and then he falls down from nowhere, gets up and stumbles away seemingly not aware where he is or what's going on? That's very much how I've been feeling for the biggest part of my life.

Paul you have inspired me so much. I am an Aspie and I felt so alone and experienced everything you did. I am learning, getting counseling, going to groups and watching your videos. I play 8 instruments at an advanced level. I am obsessed with words and I read the entire dictionary at 13yo. I also endured brutal beatings at school and as an adult have been hurt so much. Is there a way to correspond privately via YouTube? I adore you and you inspire me.

this is actually crazy because I relate to almost everything you’ve talked about in this video AND I’m 17 about to get dreadlocks in a couple months😂thank you for sharing!

I think I'm in a similar, but more "female" position- I thought for the longest time that autism would fit me, only I had too much empathy and I could be charismatic in the kinda-short term. Turns out, the "autistics don't feel empathy" thing is BS, and girls are typically good at coming across as charismatic or at least "normal" due to our masking and mirroring skills.

After being diagnosed with ADHD, my teenaged son was required to do testing for Tourette's Syndrome by a neurologist who was going to be prescribing medication, and who was SURE my son had Tourette's. Everything I knew about Tourette's (mostly from reading Oliver Sacks books) made me think this was ridiculous. But we did it. At the testing I asked the clinicians doing it what the criteria were for Tourette's and was astounded by how very "basic" the threshold was. Not only was my son diagnosed with Tourette's, but it became clear as day to me that my dad had ALWAYS had it in a much more obvious way. Not as obvious as the people Oliver Sacks described, but enough for it to be crystal clear in hindsight. Tourette's was not something very known and certainly rarely diagnosed when my dad was young. This gave me a lot of clarity in understanding my family's history.

I find this extremely interesting. I came on here to learn more about what Aspergers is, not for myself but for someone else. After hearing you it really hit home and seems to be the “key” to the mystery I wondered about myself all my life!

I used to play with Hot Wheels cars that way too. The most important cars in the Hot Wheels universe were the ones that never got flipped over. I had (and still have) zero interest in real cars but I love Hot Wheels.

My son would rotate everything and crash things. They were always in the air. Battles. Then little rituals, routines etc. Perfectionistic, repetitive tasks.

I think you are my Australian doppelgänger. These videos are giving me so much insight into myself. Thank you so much for being vulnerable. You are making a huge positive difference in my journey in understanding myself.

You are a very articulate person, obviously intelligent and compassionate. I hope you continue to keep speaking and teaching people about autism. Keep up the good work.