Why Does TikTok Hate This Trans Influencer?

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As someone who actually lived through the Kurt Cobain era loads of alternative men used to wear dressess to be "edgy". I can't believe that we have regressed so far that people have gone back to thinking dress = woman.

nobody deserves to be purposefully misgendered, ofc. my issue is that she does this even with servers who immediately apologize; it also feels very privileged to be sitting up in an expensive restaurant asking to see the manager because someone who lives on tips accidentally misgendered you. leslie feinberg said "I care which pronoun is used, but people have been respectful to me with the wrong pronoun and disrespectful with the right one. It matters whether someone is using the pronoun as a bigot, or if they are trying to demonstrate respect.” In some of these situations, these people are not being a bigot, but lily is treating them all as if they are.

"I'm so sorry for misgendering you I apologize" *Proceeds to ask for the manager and tell said manager about the misgendering experience*... like why? The server clearly said that he was sorry and literally said the words "I apologize"

Not to mention she implied that gender dysphoria is partially the reason for his self unaliving and as a survivor of that um no that was crossing the line.

This person comes off as a total karen so they can get buzz on their tiktok. and for someone who gets upset about being misgendered, it seems deeply hypocritical to then go about trying to claim they know a deceased persons gender.

a trend in her videos i noticed is that a lot of the servers seem to not have english as their first language, not speaking english well isn’t always an excuse but i feel like if you are still trying to learn english its hard to also learn how to use pronouns in the current state of the world

I’m too shy to correct people

man, as a trans person who doesn't pass it makes me upset when passing trans people act like other trans people can just "suck it up" because they personally don't remember how painful it is to be misgendered. someone could correct someone in the calmest way ever, or talk about it in a sad way while making sure to say a trillion times that they don't blame anyone, and people will still use it as proof to show how trans people are "crazy" or "this is why cis people hate us". i don't agree with everything this lady has said, but people act like the times she politely corrected people were these huge meltdowns.

Kurt was NOT trans. Yes, he used his platform to support the LGBTQIA+ community, and identified more as feminine than masculine, and wore women's clothes, but that's not solid proof that he was trans. We don't know, and we will never know because he isn't here to confirm or deny it. Plus, Courtney Love and Francis Bean (his daughter) are still alive, and I don't think they would appreciate a stranger on the internet speculate on their late husband/father's gender identity. I just had to say that as someone who hyperfixated on Nirvana during middle school/high school.

The thing that upsets me with the Kurt Cobain thing is that she said he probably killed himself because he was trans. I just feel it’s very disrespectful to act like you know of things like that, especially since there’s already a lot of “conspiracy theories” about his death. I don’t think she deserves to be attacked for being a trans person saying this, but she definitely deserves criticism for saying that regardless of her identity.

I don't think Kurt was trans but if he was here today he would definitely be a big ally

My stance: don't use gendered terms like "sir" or "ma'am" when speaking to strangers and you dodge all bullets. You can't misgender and you don't have to think about it!

She’s rage baiting and it’s infuriating because she’s just fueling the fire for transphobia.

the thing that actually bothers me about Lily is the way she BEGS for money on TikTok Live. she goes to these fancy restaurants, demanding her audience send her money to fund the bill! not only that, but is asking her followers to fund her Disney Trip! she has a list of demands such as a fancy hotel, nice restaurants, multiple days, etc. it is absolutely INSANE for us “common” people to fund these types of things for any influencer, regardless of them being trans or LGBTQ. unless they are struggling and asking for help (which she clearly is NOT) there is no excuse to expect people to fund YOUR privileged lifestyle. anyone donating money to her must be extremely young and/or naive. it’s delusional to pay these influencers to live their best life when most people are struggling with bills in their day to day life. so i have no respect for Lily!

my dad is generally very supportive of the community but was getting a lot of those “lor/lorax pronoun” or “you’re a transphobe if you have a gender reveal” tik toks. i reminded him that trans people can be grifters and trolls like anyone else- or they need to touch grass. i was like dad you know real LGBT people, we’re pretty sensible average people right? what you’re seeing is RAGE BAIT

If you listen to a lot of these servers you can clearly hear that English isn’t their first language. There are very likely also language and cultural barriers. If this is your experience with trans people… setting up your camera, calling a manager to try to make someone lose their job or be reprimanded while you enjoy your nice meal, is that a good approach to fostering acceptance? Some people don’t even know a trans person closely like that, but will be very accepting and open even if they don’t get it immediately. I’ve seen it as a Latinx in not always the most understanding environments but they don’t hate trans people, they just didn’t know and once they do will not be intentionally disrespectful. As someone who spends most of my time in lgbtq spaces, even they make mistakes when they are trying, yet we expect everyone to get it right. You’re also right in that all it does is make people who haven’t been given the chance to learn afraid to try.

purposely misgendering someone is awful, and anyone who does that deserves to be called out. that said, the service industry sucks, and sometimes servers make mistakes despite being given information because there’s just a lot going on. the lack of grace and empathy towards the servers who seemed genuinely apologetic rubs me the wrong way, and trying to get them fired for it disgusts me. lots of folks here are talking about pretty privilege, but let’s note financial privilege at play here, too.

I think it's the fact that Lily just says to the managers, "Excuse me, i was called 'sir'" and then the blank stare and the refusal to elbaorate, expecting the manager to understand within six words that she had asked not to be called a term thats typically used as an honorific. It's like if a man named Robert said to a manger "Excuse me, i was called Bobby" without explaining he hates that nickname. Like, come on, context is important. Also dont be a rat to people living off tips

I first saw the "Kurt Cobain was trans" thing on Twitter a few years back, it's not new to Lilly. I'm similarly not into ascribing identities to dead people, but I can sorta see the value in noting overlaps in experience.