This Update Is Long Overdue...

I’m not really sure where to begin. I know most of you would probably tell me not to apologize, but I am truly sorry for the lack of updates. I know we have a right to privacy, but I also know there are so many people out there worrying and rooting for us. We have built this community over the years based on honesty and transparency, and I feel like we’ve just ghosted all of you. At the same time, I never want to force “content” and I know I really just needed this time away. There have been SO many times over the past few months that I started to make even just a small update on social media and got so overwhelmed at the thought that I just retreated back into my isolation. I think a lot of it has to do with the fact that I don’t really understand what is going on anymore. I’ve always been able to use writing as an outlet to express how I’m feeling, but I’m really struggling to find the words these days. I don’t know what to say when people ask me how I’m doing. On paper, it looks like I should be doing great. We got the best possible outcome from my surgery, and although recovery has been slow, I’m getting better each day. But at the same time, I don’t feel like myself. I don’t know who I am anymore. I’m really struggling to figure it out. I’m still me, but I am forever changed by everything we’ve been through in the past year. I’ve been very depressed and I’ve been shutting out a lot of the world - not responding to people and avoiding conversations as much as possible. To those of you who continue to reach out and keep me in your thoughts, thank you for being patient with me. Thank you for being there even when I’m not. I feel like I’m constantly fighting a battle in my own head. I’m trying really hard to win, but sometimes it feels impossible. I feel so worn down both mentally and physically. It has been very difficult to accept that my body just isn’t the same as it used to be, and the unknown of what the future holds terrifies me. I think going through this diagnosis and treatment is similar to what people go through when they grieve a loved one. At first, you are so busy taking care of all of the details that you can’t really process the emotional side and then when there’s a bit of a “break,” it really hits you. After constant months of doctors appointments, scans, bloodwork, surgeries, chemo, etc. now we are just playing the waiting game. Wait 3 months, get scans, pray everything looks good, wait another 3 months… Brian, of course, is with me every step of the way, and I feel bad watching him try so desperately to help me. I’m also going through menopause and I can get very moody. God bless the patient, kind man that I married. 🙂 We will get back to regular videos at some point. We filmed this one back on May 2nd, which was the one year anniversary of when this whole nightmare began. The next day after we filmed, I had my 3 month scans, and then Brian and I were able to take some time away to ourselves. Since the video does kind of end on a cliffhanger and I don’t want you all to worry - spoiler alert - the scans went great. We’ll be back with an update on that very soon. Until then - thank you for all of the continued prayers and good thoughts. You’ll never know how much it truly means to the both of us. ❤ Jessica & Brian

It’s called trauma. You have been through a lot of trauma. Healing takes time. Self care is critical. No need to apologize. Xo

Do not apologise. Cancer is a tough and emotionally exhausting journey. Worry about that and not what your YouTube followers want from you. We don’t own you. Go fight this thing with all your energy. It needs it. Love each other because that is your greatest strength.

Brian, you are a saint. Women can only dream of having a husband like you.

Everyone needs a Brian in their lives. You have an amazing husband. 👏

Post surgical depression (especially when dealing with surgical menopause) is a real thing! I’m a retired nurse and I find it frustrating how little medical professionals talk about this issue. It’s hard to find info about it online and even some dr’s don’t acknowledge it’s an issue for many patients. Continue to take care of yourself and love yourself through this difficult transition. Menopause can be difficult but surgical menopause can be even harder. I experienced post surgical depression and started to feel better around the two month mark. It was great to finally feel my head lifting out of the clouds. I pray for you often and hope you will start to feel a little more “normal” soon. Sending gentle virtual hugs 🤗 to you both!

Menopause definitely messes with your mental health. And after everything you went through it's completely normal to feel how you are feeling.

As an ovarian cancer survivor (2 years) I want to thank you for acknowledging the mental and emotional rollercoaster that cancer survivors are challenged with. We’re with you ❤

I think it’s called “licking your wounds”. No one will deny you the time you need, no matter how long it takes. Glad to see you.

It’s too bad that doctors don’t prescribe counseling services as part of cancer treatment. I can’t imagine that depression is uncommon in cancer patients. We are just glad to hear you are continuing to improve. God bless you both!

No one blames you both for stepping back and regrouping. All the changes. Financial, surgical, mental. It's alot. Praying for you both.

Brian...you are a GEM! I have been living with constant treatment for ovarian cancer for over 10 years and have a darling husband like you! You make all the difference to cancer patients! Jessica..you look great...hang in there sweet girl! Hugs from Alaska!

You NEVER need to apologize or feel bad for not coming on here. We are all behind you no matter what.

I’ve had you both in my prayers! Never apologize…we get it!!

Can we just talk about how cute your hair is! Super cute! I hope in the future you will find beauty in your story. The way you share about this journey is raw and beautiful. The way you care for each other…. Praying for the absolute best news this week.

How can you not have PTSD after going through a life changing/ threatening event like you have had, and continuing to go through. Sending prayers your way. 💚

Brian is such a sweetheart…what a great support system. Nothing like being surrounded by so much love! ❤

PTSD is real. You're going through a lot. ❤❤

Cancer journey isn’t easy. I walked with my mom my sister and my hubby through their cancer journeys. It’s a long and lengthy journey at worst. But God will help you each step you take. I love your strength and the two of you are doing wonderful together. One day at a time one step at a time. God has this and he’s carrying you. Much love ❤️

Yes you are grieving. Once you have cancer your life is never the same! I am 17 years out from my diagnosis and I still have a mental battle. I am glad you are doing ok. I guess it is like anything in life: you have to live without fear. Just buckle your seat belt and drive, right? Just do all you can do and take it one day at a time. Sending hugs and love!!