Homesickness, Loneliness, Culture Shock, oh my! // 😧

Hello Sara! Thank you, first of all, for being brave enough to share all that. I hope things have been going better. I am Polish, and moved to the UK one year ago. I was 20 years old then. What brough me here was my primary school love, with whom I renewed contact (after ten years!! :) ) and soon fell in love again. He is Polish as well, but has spent the last six years of his life living and studying in the UK, so I moved here to live with him. The first two months were fullfiling and exciting. I was too busy discovering everything around me to feel lonely. I got a very decent job considering my immigrant status and Brexit chaos. After a while though, as our first crisis emerged, I didn't feel his full and unconditional support any longer, I realised there is nobody and nowhere else to turn to. This thought was scary. I started skyping my family and Polish friends as often as I could and that usually helped me go through dark moments, yet clearly wasn't enough. I don't feel it is necessary to write about how I felt (and still do), because you described it all in your video. I can relate to every word you said. Anyway, I got into the university for the undergraduate course starting in September this year. I am going to study English Literature, the course I have been dreaming about ever since I was sixteen. This dream-come-true gives me the power. I know that I am going to live in Brighton and finish my studies no matter what. On the other hand, we broke up a month ago. I have been living on my own for a month and a half now and this has been the hardest time of my life. :) God thanks I work a lot and have quite a good contact with workmates. But more than 2 days off in a row is a nightmare. I don't have close friends and don't go out a lot. It is very hard to bring myself to do something. Often I just end up searching across YT to have some fun and avoid taugh emotions. All my real, Polish friends have become pictures on Messenger App and voices I hear from time to time. I am not sure if these relationships will survive. I now struggle to get myself together and apply for a studend finance, as well as learn for the IELTS which I still didn't take and have to. Having written all that, here are some things which I believe to be true and which make me keep going: 1 Everything happens for a reason. As Steve Jobs said, we live forward, but understand life backwards. I believe one day I will understand mine. 2 God loves me and is always with me, and keep working in my life every single day. :) 3 Being in that situation has already taught me more compassion and empathy than anything else would ever do. That is amazing. And you know what? Once I get myself together enough, I will become a volunteer for a charity fighting loneliness. 4 Also, more than EVER I appreciate the presence of other human beings around me, I just appreciate and cherish people. Just listening and understanding each other is empowering. AND I can't wait until the uni begins and I will move to campus!!! :) :) :) That will be a whole new chapter, and hopefully things will sort out for good. Thanks for reading this, and I hope you have an amazing day!!! Keep swimming. xoxo

I almost never comment on YouTube, but I was so moved by your video. That was me 11 years ago. I am originally from Massachusetts, and after college, my husband and I went to Guam, where we taught at a Christian school for 6 years. After my daughter was born, and while I was pregnant with my son, we moved to North Carolina. It was the first time I was ever homesick. I had left friends in Guam who were closer than family, and went from going off to teach school every day to staying home with babies and knowing no one. I was extremely lonely. What pulled me out of that horrible pit was getting into a moms group. I found friends who understood and were living the challenges of being home all day with small children. I know you don't have kids yet, so a mom group would not be a good fit, but look for a group, perhaps expats, as another commenter suggested. I hope you are doing better.

Hey Sara! I hope things are going a bit better for you now. Hopefully your family's visit gave you the refresh you needed. I moved from my home in Ontario, Canada to the east coast (still in Canada, but it's a big country) four years ago. My first couple of years away from the area I grew up in were in grad school and then an internship, where I was lucky enough to meet my now husband and a couple of my best friends. Since then my friends have gone back to their homes across the country, and my husband and I moved to a small city (still on the east coast) where I began my career. I have met many people through work, but similar to what you were saying, I can't see any of them being very close friends of mine. I just haven't found a solid connection with any of them. I also just want girlfriends to hang out with (and to watch the Walking Dead with)!! I know I need to put more effort in, and will really try to do so. But don't be too hard on yourself. Putting yourself out there is reeeally tough to do! I need to remind myself of this too and push myself to get out there. I can't really speak to the cultural/language adjustment since I just moved within my country, and frankly I can't really give any advice on making new friends either, because I haven't. I'm an introvert too, so I enjoy just hunkering down with my husband, my pets, a book, the park, the internet, myself, etc. But I am more than capable of joining some Facebook or MeetUp group and just talking to new people for like 2 hours of my life. How bad can it be? We can do this! All it is is a fear of the unknown. Thanks for sharing your story, and thanks for reading mine. It's not easy....and no one ever talks about how hard it is to make friends in adulthood! Thanks for breaking the mold!

Hi Sara, your bullet journal video came up in my 'Recommended' section and I ended up here. I have to say I relate a ton to some of these feelings, and I basically subbed because of this video. I'm not an expat, and actually I have weird/confusing homesickness issues. I recently moved "home" to Wisconsin where I grew up, but I most recently lived in Portland in 2015, and in Minneapolis for 9 years before that. It's very weird adjusting to being so close to people I've been away from for a decade, and I feel like I don't have deep friendships here, because I'm not the same person as when I moved away, but it seems like some people here think I am. At the same time, I had a really hard time making new friends in Portland, up until just before I left. I miss Portland, and I miss Minneapolis, but I also really love being able to bond with my family again. It's quite the conundrum. On top of all of this, I still work for my same employer in Portland, I work remotely from home and so I leave the house very infrequently, mostly for errands like grocery shopping. I get worried that I'll just become a hermit, never make any new friends, and be even more socially awkward than I am now. Some days I don't want to get out of bed either, or I'll get up in the morning for work meetings and feel exhausted about everything by lunch and take a nap instead of eating. I've been meaning for over a year now to really start vlogging and creating videos on youtube, but just keep putting it off. I feel a little motivated now to start up my channel after watching you, seeing how open you've been able to be with your viewers. Thanks for sharing, and I hope we both find ways out of our dark pits. <3

Hi Sara! I lived abroad in Sweden for a whole year while I was studying, and I live in the States again now. I didn't really make any friends while in school, but I had my boyfriend to fall back on and visit often. The problem (which definitely isn't a big one) was that I studied five hours away from where he lived and I had to take a five hour bus just to see him, but I was persistent to see him every week because I wanted to spend time with him more than anyone else. On the days when I was in my apartment alone, I often felt like you did. I focused on school work but nothing (cooking...going out) felt as fun as it would with someone I actually knew. And on the days when I didn't have class, it felt like a struggle to get to the weekend! Anyways, I enjoyed listening to you talk about your feelings because I felt them too! I feel them even now that I'm back in my hometown, especially when I am not at work or up to anything in particular. How is it going now that this video is over two months old? Also, congratulations on your wedding :) I hope you keep making videos, I enjoy them! -Amanda

Thanks for pouring out your heart. Your honesty with where your heart is at was encouraging for me.

Just found your channel and I love it! I moved to Southern Germany from the US about a month ago. My boyfriend and I have been planning it for about a year and a half. He moved here in October, and I was too scared and nervous about it so I stayed home for 6 months and then moved here. I haven't met anyone yet aside from a few of his coworkers. I know barely any German (I'm still learning) so it's hard to meet people in my town as well. I was actually planning on starting a YouTube channel as well to sort of occupy my time and give me a way to connect with people, I just haven't found the courage yet!

SR- I have found I always have to take the opposite action- I have to look for others to help. That is the only thing that gets me out of me. I am an introvert also. It is to easy to isolate and keep myself away from others in this day & time. Maybe there is a local hospital, animal shelter, library, etc. where you could volunteer? It gets me out and meeting others and takes my mind off of me :-) Glad you have some family coming to visit :-) I have to remember also, I can never recreate the same experience as the first one I had. (the year you spent there before) I will add your name on my prayer list. Here's to new friends, adventures and helping others! Big Hugs and Smiles

I have felt this way recently too. My two best friends moved away from me at the start of the year. It was really hard because I felt like I only had my older brother for social interaction since my family is not close by. Luckily, though, since I am in college, talking with my classmates really helped. I developed a semi-close friendship in the span of a few months. Once a week I got to have lunch with her and we would talk about whatever was going with us. No matter if it was stuff about boys or even family. I'm really glad she was around to help me through a hard time. Hope you feel better soon! :)

I came here from your bullet journal video. I can see this was posted 2 weeks ago so I hope you are feeling better now. I can certainly relate to your situation as I lived abroad, alone, for 6 years recently. It was definitely hard at times, and even though everyone was super friendly, it took a year or two to develop real friendships with people. It's can be difficult when you're an adult, and as you said nobody is going to come and get you, or force you to join in like might happen in school. Like where do you even go to find friends as an adult? Maybe there would be some clubs or courses you could take, or an expat American community? They might have some meetups and activities. Try to retain a positive attitude, and keep yourself busy even if you really don't feel like getting up. Work on your bullet journal and decorate it with nice colors and fonts, or try writing down your feelings as sometimes it can help. How about one of those adult coloring books? If you force yourself to smile, you can trick your brain to thinking all's good in the hood :D. Here's to hoping all will work out :).I'll stop rambling now, but I just got a sense of "oh I wish I could help this girl, I could be her pen pal or something". All the best! Looking forward to your next video (I just subscribed :))

Hey Sara! I who moved to the US last year. I'm a super introvert and I so so relate to you. I don't have friends(like close friends whom I can talk to about deep stuff) and all people tell me is I have to make an effort, which I try to. My boyfriend who lives in Portland(yaay!) has been incredibly supportive but he doesn't get it completely as he's an extroverted introvert. His friends in Portland have been extremely nice to me but they are not "my" friends so, I definitely get what you say. God has been showing me that He is preparing me for something bigger through this hard time of isolation(like John the Baptist who had to be alone in the wilderness(eating locusts and honey :P) before being sent out to preach). And I trust Him. Stay Strong, Sara!

I can relate as well. I'm a Floridian living in Hessen for the last 13 years. It took a while to get friends. I still feel lonely sometimes. I still don't have a handle on the language either.

It's so funny - I watched your bullet journal video and thought you were a German living in the States because of the way your pronounced 'Leuchtturm' :D. On a different note - I can totally understand what you are going through. I'm a German living in the UK and I really miss home too. The thing that probably helps me the most is staying in touch with my friends and obviously going home as often as possible. Hope you feel better soon <3

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I hope you'll feel better soon. It's hard to leave everything behind and start all over again. Hopefully you'll soon find some wonderful friends, who will make you feel as though you've found a home away from home :) Welcome to Germany :) Liebe Grüße aus Mönchengladbach

Hi, I'm a German living in Oregon. Former exchange student. Introvert. Married to my wonderful American husband for 6 1/2 years. From my experience, get clear early about where you and your husband can realistically live, and commit to it. Not being on the same page about that can lead to unmet expectations and disappointment, which are poison for a relationship. It's important to commit to the decision on the inside and to be honest with yourself and not to secretly hope to live elsewhere in the future... unless maybe that's BOTH of your guy's plan. If you truly think you can live in Germany, embrace what you love about your new home, embrace what you love about your husband, and accept what you can't change. I wish you the best.

Ich komme aus USA. Ich wohne in Gronau. Wo wohnst du ? Ich lerne Deutsch - langsam! Maybe you can join Internations - which is an Expat group in Germany. It is a good way to meet others. There are none anywhere near me, but since I live near Netherlands, I sometimes do events with the Expat Group just over the border.

Hello Sara! Thank you, first of all, for being brave enough to share all that. I hope things have been going better. I am Polish, and moved to the UK one year ago. I was 20 years old then. What brough me here was my primary school love, with whom I renewed contact (after ten years!! :) ) and soon fell in love again. He is Polish as well, but has spent the last six years of his life living and studying in the UK, so I moved here to live with him. The first two months were fullfiling and exciting. I was too busy discovering everything around me to feel lonely. I got a very decent job considering my immigrant status and Brexit chaos. After a while though, as our first crisis emerged, I didn't feel his full and unconditional support any longer, I realised there is nobody and nowhere else to turn to. This thought was scary. I started skyping my family and Polish friends as often as I could and that usually helped me go through dark moments, yet clearly wasn't enough. I don't feel it is necessary to write about how I felt (and still do), because you described it all in your video. I can relate to every word you said. Anyway, I got into the university for the undergraduate course starting in September this year. I am going to study English Literature, the course I have been dreaming about ever since I was sixteen. This dream-come-true gives me the power. I know that I am going to live in Brighton and finish my studies no matter what. On the other hand, we broke up a month ago. I have been living on my own for a month and a half now and this has been the hardest time of my life. :) God thanks I work a lot and have quite a good contact with workmates. But more than 2 days off in a row is a nightmare. I don't have close friends and don't go out a lot. It is very hard to bring myself to do something. Often I just end up searching across YT to have some fun and avoid taugh emotions. All my real, Polish friends have become pictures on Messenger App and voices I hear from time to time. I am not sure if these relationships will survive. I now struggle to get myself together and apply for a studend finance, as well as learn for the IELTS which I still didn't take and have to. Having written all that, here are some things which I believe to be true and which make me keep going: 1 Everything happens for a reason. As Steve Jobs said, we live forward, but understand life backwards. I believe one day I will understand mine. 2 God loves me and is always with me, and keep working in my life every single day. :) 3 Being in that situation has already taught me more compassion and empathy than anything else would ever do. That is amazing. And you know what? Once I get myself together enough, I will become a volunteer for a charity fighting loneliness. 4 Also, more than EVER I appreciate the presence of other human beings around me, I just appreciate and cherish people. Just listening and understanding each other is empowering. AND I can't wait until the uni begins and I will move to campus!!! :) :) :) That will be a whole new chapter, and hopefully things will sort out for good. Thanks for reading this, and I hope you have an amazing day!!! Keep swimming. xoxo