The secret to self control | Jonathan Bricker | TEDxRainier

“We must all suffer from one of two pains: the pain of discipline or the pain of regret. The difference is discipline weighs ounces while regret weighs tons.”

Summary: self control is enhanced through awareness, letting go and less drama. Be water, my friend.

"Between stimulus and response there is a space. In that space is our power to choose our response. In our response lies our growth and our freedom." -most underrated quote

Discipline is choosing between what you want now and what you want most. -Abraham Lincoln

When I quit smoking I said to myself that I will always be a smoker and that will never change. I am only going to try not smoke for a while and when I get a craving it was easy because I made peace that I can smoke if I want to but I chose not to. It has been 7 years and 7 months and I still have cravings but they don't bother me anymore.

Basically 3 points: 1) Be aware of the cravings whenever they appear, detect them and think "I'm feeling I'm having a craving for X." 2) Don't fight it. Let the craving rest in your brain and be conscious of it 3) Instead of shaming yourself for giving in to a craving, tell to yourself what you'd say to a friend of yours who's had a slip up.

Discipline is understanding that, you and your thoughts are different entities. You are not bound to react on these thoughts.

"The secret to self-control is give up control." Letting go. To stop fighting yourself. To allow yourself to feel whatever you're feeling and take it in as part of the human condition. That really, really spoke to me.

Fighting these cravings costs more energy than just being aware of them but not acting upon them

"We are facing a epidemic, it's not ebola" "Corona, it's corona" "Epidemic of unhealthy living" "Ohh yes, that too."

I did practice this technique and its amazing how well it works: everytime you feel anxious or sad or depressed or some irrational thoughts enter your head, open your arms and welcome it into your heart. Say it out loud: “dear craving, I can’t control you, come in, you are welcome to stay as long as you want or you can go whenever you want. You will always be a part of me and I’m ok with that.” This might sounds like some esoteric whoowhoo advice, but it’s not. It’s je actually how the the human psyche works: by not resisting these feelings or thoughts and just observing them as if you were looking from a distance, you remove all powere these feelings have over you. It takes some training but it’s worth it.

“If you accomplish something good with hard work, the labor passes quickly, but the good endures; if you do something shameful in pursuit of pleasure, the pleasure passes quickly, but the shame endures” ― Musonius Rufus

He's talking about mindfulness: paying attention to your thoughts and accepting what comes up, but not necessarily acting on it. This is great :)

Jonathan ...your video changed my life. It's been more than a month since I took my last puff after 25 years of smoking a pack a day.....and this video and the concept of acceptance in it made this happen. The cravings are still there, the demons of the mind do appear....I notice them but do not engage with them and make them bigger. They go away on their own if they are not pampered....and that's magical. It really does work. I can never thank you enough Jonathan.

"Discipline is remembering what you want"

I’m not gonna lie, if you watched the whole video without skipping even 10s of it, you mastered self control

basis of meditation: observe all thoughts

I feel like this is huge. If you think about it, you often don't have control over your environment or exposures, but you do have control and the ability to choose how you act in those environments or resond to those exposures. So it makes sense to learn how to not act on the craving. Previously I would avoid going into certain stores or driving a particular route to avoid the temptations and cravings for foods or to buy new things. But the reality is I cannot always do this and avoiding the stimulus is not practical. It also teaches a behavior of avoidance of negative feelings. Rather than avoid the stimulus or feeling, learn how to manage it. So yes, recognize you're having the feeling. Recognize it for what it is; I'm having cravings but my emotions don't control me, I do. Do I really want that cookie? Think of the full scope of your actions. I feel like I want that cookie but I really don't because I know that I want to eat healthy. Reaffirm yourself, I am in control not my emotions. I have a strong craving, but this will pass. I am making a positive choice. Once you have overcome that temptation, celebrate by singing "I've got the power!" :) Take pride in your ability to face cravings and decide nope, that's not me talking, it's my cravings. If all else fails, repeat to yourself: what's my next positive step? ... imagine it, and follow through.

This is a prayer for any of you who are struggling Dear God, I want to bring my friend to you right now. I know that they are not feeling well and worry is taking a lot of their emotional energy. I pray that You will give them special peace in the midst of their crisis; draw close to hem. Give them confidence that healing will come. I pray that that You will give them special insight and wisdom during this upcoming appointment. Show them how to treat and relieve the pain and bring healing.

This is exactly the same technique I used to accept and tame my panic attacks. Really effective.