Why Did NOBODY Notice YOU'RE Autistic Before?

Picture It, SmallTown USA, 1982. "She can't be autistic. She talks and she's a girl."

The good old days was a myth for boomers on the spectrum.

My autistic traits were written all over my school reports. My struggles were blamed on my other disability and I was told I had to fix myself.

Not only ignorance, but my parents were both struggling with their own depression and problems, and most likely were neurodivergent as well. That might be the case for many other late diagnosed autistics. Frankly, I blame my teachers and school staff a lot more than I blame my parents. My parents probably saw our traits and thought they were normal because that's what their own childhoods were like. As for advocacy, I can only thank creators like you for helping me not feel ashamed or scared or hopeless about my diagnosis. Seeing autistic people being so open and honest and sometimes even proud about their autism makes me feel less embarrassed, stronger, and more patient with myself. I'm even making art and comics about my own experiences now. Thank you!

I’m black and born in 1977 I was just diagnosed in May. Race is a major factor that has hindered diagnosis in America.

I am 55 years old. I was diagnosed with Aspergers in the 4th grade but my parents did not tell me. I only know because a therapist thought I might be Autistic. I went on Facebook and read entries from a Parent of Autistic children group. Their stories about their children sounded a lot like my childhood. I told some of my friend and none of them were surprised. I told one of my cousins and she told me I was diagnosed with Asperger's in elementary school. I think my parents did me disservice because I constantly wanted to commit suicide because I was not fitting could not understand why.

Thank you for discussing this! This is something I think about a lot. As a child, I was minimally verbal (did not become fully verbal until my 20s), suffered from chronic pain due to sensory overwhelm, cried basically daily, did not have any real friends until I transferred to public school and met diagnosed autistic classmates, etc etc. I know my parents believe autism doesn't exist, but I often can't help but wonder what my pediatrician and elementary school teachers thought. Were they simply uneducated? Did they dismiss it because I'm a girl or because I was smart? How many people noticed, but thought it would do me more harm than good to receive a diagnosis? Ultimately, it doesn't matter, but I often think back to that little girl, struggling and suffering without accomodation, and wonder what justification each person had for refusing me proper care and accomodations.

It's too bad, that the World used punishment to deal with us and our unknown condition, but offer NO FORGIVENESS even after learning about its existence.

While not having a social media presence, I have elected to be visible about my AudHD in my work environment and have spoken frankly about it in group social online events. Going without a diagnosis for over 50 years was a struggle, but I've also learnt from coming out as a gay man over and over again, that advocacy never stops and you need to give people a real face and human story to learn from. Some of my colleagues have non-verbal autistic children and I believe really appreciate those of us trying to pitch a flag on a new continent of rational acceptance and compassion. That is where they hope their children will live.

Hindsight can be a wonderful thing, but it's never around when you need it!

My mother knew I was autistic, but didn't get me tested as she was on the run from social services. She told social services that I was outwith parental control (with-holding anything about suspected autism) and I was put into a residential school. She would rather wrongly tell everybody that my autism was mental health problems to get out of accountability.

I was born in 1965 and I am convinced that a diagnosis would have been very bad for me. In the sixties and seventies, doctors in Germany did not shy away from putting children with psychological problems in homes. I personally overheard a conversation like this at the doctor's: "You're going to have trouble with this one, you have to give him away." Last year a user here on a YouTube channel noticed me: "You could be demisexual, take an autism test" What can I say, I looked at the test when I was 58, oh god that's me.

Well, Quinn, TY for doing this video. Autistics are blamed by the Neurotypical majority for not knowing we were Autistic as children. But, as I see it, they can't expect the Autistic child to do the diagnosing. It was clearly Neurotypicals before 1994 who are to blame. And, for women who are Autistic, not being timely diagnosed really ruined our lives. Many Autistics hold our governments responsible for this, and believe we should get reparations.

I sucked my thumb until the 4th grade, skipped everywhere, carried my schoolbooks on my head, and couldn't properly socialize with other kids, was constantly beat up, and was sent to a special school bc i couldnt mainstream. Finally diagnosed at age 49!

before i got diagnosed by a doctor, or recognized by my parents, a random stranger on tumblr diagnosed me as an aspie. :] i made a lengthy vent post on my blog about my life long struggles with communication, self harm, school, and retaining/following instructions and they told me i should look into signs of autism in girls! matched me to a T. though my mom denied it, but a few years later i had the papers to prove it. Lol the strange thing is that— A. apparently my older sister (who basically raised me) had been pointing out that i had textbook development differences and difficulties since i was a BABY and should be tested, but my parents ignored her since she was a teen and there was "nothing wrong" with me. and B. the moment my diagnosis became public, every aunt and uncle came out of the woodworks to admit they "had a feeling"! it's so frustrating that autism is such a taboo topic that adults would rather watch a child struggle with a lack of understanding of the world & themselves than be the one to break the "bad news" that they're just different and need support.

The first I ever heard of autism, was my mother explaining to me why I wasn’t vaccinated. She made it sound so horrible! Well, jokes on her, becaus we are definitely BOTH autistic 🎉

I'm slightly younger - on the younger side of the millennial group - and I was diagnosed last year, at 30. Part of the reason autism as a diagnosis has been applied to more people is that the definition has expanded - rather than the rather restricted view of autism from the 1940s, there is now that broad spectrum of autism conditions, and there's recognition that what was called Asperger's syndrome is, in fact, an autism spectrum condition. Part of the reason for the stigma is overgeneralisation and conflation - there's an assumption that autistic people are universally the highest-support-needs cases that some autism charities like to point to when they're doing their fundraising, who typically also have what are sometimes called intellectual disabilities, and that assumption does lead to one thing that some autistic people report getting quite a lot of: "You can't be autistic, you're too smart". I did quite well in school, and that fact probably meant that the tests that might have picked up on it were never applied to me. As for family, the signs were there - a lot of my parents and grandparents were early readers, as was I, a trait common in autistic children. Of course, because so many of my close family was probably autistic, the way I presented was just... normal, to them; the idea that my learning to read before entering school and reading at a significantly higher level than most of my classmates was indicative of a neurodevelopmental condition rather than simply being me doing well at academics would have been, understandably, something hard to fathom. So, yes, stigma and lack of recognition would have played a part, but I think it's also important to recognise the environment around the person.

I am now 72 years old. My father passed away in 2001, about a year before I was diagnosed with “Asperger’s Syndrome” (now called ASD). My mother knew I was autistic before she passed away in 2012; but I was already 67 y/o before I was diagnosed with ADHD in 2019. So I was nearly 70 before I quit blaming my parents for how fucked up I am and was. It’s still true that my mother many times did things intended to help, that wound up only making things worse; but neither of my parents had any chance of knowing better. My daughter (just three months shy of 30 y/o) has these same conditions, but at least I and her mother knew about them before her mother passed away in 2013. (My daughter was diagnosed AuDHD because of the education system, some years before I was diagnosed with ADD/ADHD.)

since I have been thinking about this alot my first responses to even just the title were: "they did notice, but they didn't know it was autism + denial and ignorance" people would rather blame me for my "oddities"(aka considering it intentional) or play it down as just being quirky if I complained about my issues, than consider that what I had been talking about would be valid in some way. For others I seemed "unique and interesting" which is also not necessarily comfortable, because I don't want to stand out and as a child I was so chronically overstimulated all the time that I just wanted to be left alone and wished to be "just average and like everyone else" so I wouldn't gain attention for things I didn't even know what I was doing that was making me stand out so much...-.- So people definitely noticed....but they didn't know what it meant (and maybe some didn't want to know)

I was born 1995, diagnosed 2019. My mother; born 1965, diagnosed 2022. My brother; born 1998 and diagnosed 2003. My son; born 2016, diagnosed 2024. It's not only your age, but also your sex that influences your liklihood of receiving a proper diagnosis.