Autistic Masking and Unmasking ft. @Aspergers from the Inside

There is another bad side effect of masking. If you mask from a very young age, by the time you realize "hey, I'm autistic!" your sense of identity can get a bit warped.

I never realized that emotional intelligence could be a special interest. That stopped me in my tracks when he said that bc I've been obsessed with understanding my emotions and motivations as well as others' and I never realized that might be a special interest for me

I unmasked and was rejected and judged by family and friends. Really reenforced my already low self esteem. I'm very isolated now but I refuse to fake who I am anymore.

Honestly I would go to more parties if people would talk to me about psychology and game theory.

"im not broken" that goes deep. it took me discovering a "disorder" to feel not broken anymore. hah thats ironic.

"If people accept you for your mask, it feels like a rejection, because I feel that, if they really understood who I really was, behind the mask, surely I would be rejected." My partner is going through this at the minute, and it's heartbreaking to see from the outside. But he has masked for so long, he feels he doesn't even know WHO he is without his mask. :'(

I'm a well-educated 55 plus woman. I've spend most of my life wondering why human interaction and relationships are so difficult. Recently, I found out. If I had only know sooner I would have avoided a lot of depression, poor self esteem and lost relationships. Very thankful for what you do!

When Paul lost track of the conversation and..it was perfectly okay and he could simply ask where they were at and then picked up the train of thought again. It was all okay. I'm literally in tears at that simple moment. I don't even understand how that's possible to be so comfortable in a conversation

The feeling rejected for people loving your mask is beyond resonating with me. It became a joke among a small group of friends (before any of us knew about this) that when a new person would visit and meet me I would be at an 11/10 (fire all the available charm, humor, kindness guns asap!) and they would say "I know I just met you but-" and all my friends would start to laugh "I just love you instantly!" and they would laugh hysterically and I would laugh and do the whole self deprecation "who, me?" song and dance. The new person would be confused and some friend would jump in to say that this happens every time, that I'm pretty much a god of first impressions. Inside I'm shrinking, thinking "Oh no, I've done it again, how long do I have to keep this up? Forever?" Looking at this pattern with distance it's pretty ridiculous for this to happen every time. Why did I feel this need to project this awesome person so strongly from the get go, not giving anyone the chance to see me and grow their own opinion slowly? WELL, I feel I'm getting potential answers slowly...

I'm a Speech Therapist. I want to cry watching this. There is so much misunderstanding and force on children I see to fill their beautifully unfolding mind into a boring old box. I really wish parents are more understanding. thank you for sharing. Ur voice is the change.

Lockdown was no stress for me. Work from home, didnt have to go out and do things I didnt want to do. There wasnt really anything I felt was missing and I felt I gained a huge level of comfortableness which will sadly go away when I am forced back into the office.

Yes! I eat the same breakfast absolutely every day and it means so much to to me ♡ I dont know how I'd ever let anyone into my daily life because although I'm rarely bored, I'm sure I'm incredibly boring to a typical. I have no interest in drinking, eating out, going to parties, etc. I could read & watch fascinating documentaries for the rest of my life. Luckily, I'm an artist, which is kind of a transparent mask. People expect artists to be strange, lol

The thing Sam said about talking about game theory hit really close. Whenever I find out people have a favourite subject, I try talk about the subject, just how I’d enjoy it if someone spoke about my special interest. I always got weird looks when I’d start going on about colour theory after being told that someone enjoyed art lessons.

63 years old, learned was autistic (and not BP, OCD, ADD) last year... and I’ve masked so long it has become part of who I am whenever I am around people. It is horribly exhausting and I really thought this was what life was just like... “see people, get exhausted, come apart, get apart, recover”. Recently found my old primary school report cards, and the progression of learning to mask is so completely obvious. Hiding stims, disappearing, either doing extremely well in school or not doing school at all. I have started trying to not mask around my kids, but the switch is so automatic.

My diary was either me attempting to write things I thought I was supposed to write or be feeling written with extreme paranoia that someone else will read it and judge my inner thoughts. Or I actually write what I'm thinking and I find it so embarrassing and wrong so I hate myself more and scratch out the page and any other marks on pages underneath incase someone can read it from the imprint

I'm one of those who answer and innocent question about my day by ecplaining everything. One time, I was in charge of taking care of my grandma while my parents were on holiday, and it really stressed me out. I met the mom of a friend of mine at the grocery store and ended up telling her about how I had to send my grandma to hostipal, and how my parents were away and all that. Somewhere I figured I was oversharing, but it was too late, because I was almost in tears. She gave me a hug and made sure I was ok, and I was so embarassed about my behaviour.

I think you two need a podcast.... Discussing different aspects of the Autism spectrum and experience... I would listen to it! Informative and relaxing. And as some one who cannot be diagnosed in my state because of my age I would appreciate the insights.

Listening this with tears in my eyes. I have never, in all the years I've essentially been raised on youtube, felt so SEEN. Thank you for this collaborative video. Thank you both.

It is so strange to hear, that neurotypicals freak out when someone goes off script. Shouldn't the neurotypicals be good at it? But, I must say, it is a relief to hear that.

I once had a bumper sticker that said something like, "It is better to be hated for who you are than loved for who you are not."