D&D, But The Players Are Terrible

I cast black hole on the comment section

"Failboat... this is a Google slides rpg" "So can I be a horse" 💀

38:31 It's an amazing detail that when PointCrow's character loses favour with the bread god, Noah no longer replaces the word "god" in the captions with "bread." Honestly I love the thought put into that.

I like to imagine that Doug’s warlock isn’t actually getting younger, but just thinks he is and acts accordingly.

I like how Doug looks at "Years Left" and thinks, oh that's what age I am

I love how each person instantly built a role and stuck with it. Crow played the gimmick character, Failboat played the bard, and Doug played the unethical warlock. We need more!

Because PointCrow was so greedy for gold coins, I think it is fitting that... (spoiler!)👇 ...he became a dragon

“Do you know where FDD is?” “I cast enslave creature on point crow”

Failboat’s backstory (+Noah’s responses) (FAILBOAT) As a young mare, I always dreamed of the city, however my parents forbode it, saying I needed to practice my prance and my goring charges. Life on the farms was a simpler one, but I made it through knowing that if I could last a little longer, I would be able to break out of this cycle of sulfur and hate. [NOAH] how did you type that out in like 3 seconds (FAILBOAT) My rivals name is Stefan. I was born quite a bulky horse myself, but everything Stefan did came naturally to him, a true steed with no compare, and although it shames me to admit, I find myself to be one of his admirers too. While we grew up competing in trials, learning the ropes together, spending long nights talking about our dreams under the glistening night sky while letting the cold brisk wind wash over our bodies, I knew that once I left for the city, l'd have to leave him behind too, as Stefan yearned for war, and that was one thing we could not see eye to eye on. (Commenter’s note: I think he meant to name the rival Raphael) [NOAH] how much backstory have you written (FAILBOAT) There has been one singular time since leaving my family, the Castle Hounds, that my goals and morality were questioned. One singular instance where I was not able to hold strong to my pacifist beliefs. And it came at a time when I felt I would be at my strongest. After leaving my village, I became a simple hoof for hire, doing jobs like pulling carts or helping to tend fields, all to save up funds to make it in the city. However, it was on one of those jobs that I felt a confliction in my morals. It was a simple escort mission, escort a newlywed couple, the wife 8 months pregnant, through a forest and deliver them to the town 8 miles north. A simple trip that I've done time and time again. However on this particular trip, the goblins had grown wise to my comings and goings and had staged an ambush. Suddenly in the middle of the brush, a vile goblin, covered in scars and mud, lunged down from the trees. Instinctively I kicked it away, no problem, to adventure is not without risk and I was experienced at turned deadly encounters into simple scuffles. But it seems while I was distracted, a goblin had grabbed the woman from my cart and held her hostage. The goblin, his sickening veing fingers cutting into the woman's throat, bellowed with a low scratchy voice, "Entertainment is king, Horse, and Rachnir the goblin wants a laugh. Kill the man you carry and I will release his wench". The goblins closed in around us, 10... No maybe 20 of them all around, each of them looking to rip us to shreds but only being held back by the whims of the goblin holding my passenger captive no more than 50 feet away. I was helpless, all my training and experience and the most I could do was cower and bend to their demand. The woman screamed and pleaded, but the groom turned to face me, with a cruel unfair look of resolve in his eyes. I knew that despite the situation, despite all the stakes, he was immediately prepared to give his life for his wife and child. And that was a conviction I could not deny. I had been trained in how to deliver a swift kill, not just to end battles quickly, but to ensure those found suffering on the battlefield did not have to suffer for long. With one strong rear kick, I snapped his neck with a loud crack. The crack seemed to echo as silence took the space. A couple goblins laughed. Then more. And suddenly the whole forest it seemed shook with a sickening static of shrill voices grating against each other, saliva and dirt being thrown into the air as the goblins hit the ground while cackling. I had been through years of combat training and had seen my fair share of fighting, but this wasnt fighting, this wasn't combat, this was evil. A pure and unparalleled evil. As I looked back from the twisted neck of a brave corpse, I saw the wife's body, laying bloodied on the ground, a crooked goblin spear driven through her back. The goblin that called himself Rachnir screeched through his laugher, "Now THAT was a show, fantastic job Horse, you entertain better than many who walk these paths." My hoof passed clean through his lower torso, as the 50 foot gap that seemed so distant was something I crossed in a mere second. Before the goblins knew what was happening, a second hoof landed squarely above his eye, as I stuck him whole attempting to cave in his skull, but unfortunately it seems I was not alone in having familiarity to combat, as Rachnir, screaming in pain, managed to dodge my decisive blow and take a massive wound to his head in trade. "Kill that Horse and bring me their bodies! The one who snags the Horse’s head eats their fill tonight!" Rachnir scrambled away as all the 20 goblins I could make out, plus more from hiding, descended upon me in a flash of flesh and shadow. Through the arms and the blood spiraling around me as I began my counter attack, I could see the shadow of an injured Rachnir growing smaller and smaller. I thought back to my village, my rival, to the city I wanted to make it big in, and for the first time I thought, "Was this the price I was prepared to pay for all of it?" As night drew in, I made it to our destination. The wagon creaked and splintered as it moved, carrying the lifeless bodies of my clients. I could barely walk, covered in scrapes and the cold remains of goblin, but I was able to deliver the happy couple to their final place of resting, before collapsing myself. Since that incident, my goals have shifted. I no longer feel I deserve the city of my dreams, however I desire it nonetheless. I shall first hunt Rachnir, the one who took my morality from me, and then, only then, will I be able to fulfill that cruel look the man gave me before I took his life. I do not know if that man would have wanted revenge, but I refuse to see one who holds to their conviction to such a high degree be disgraced if it is within my power. I swear, to never let a passenger on my cart suffer again. [NOAH] failboat… [NOAH] this is a google slides rpg (FAILBOAT) So can I be a horse [NOAH] you may be a centaur if you choose

I now GENUINELY want a dnd campaign with Doug, failboat, circletoons, pointcrow, and vernias run by Noah, that shit would BANG

16:13 "My lover! " 'Do you know this man? " "Yes. Raphael. " That is my favorite part of the video honestly

As someone who works with horses, I can verify, a horse would totally part ankle-high water and cast a force field to avoid getting wet 😂

I love the fact that it says bread in the subtitles every time Pointcrow says god. Just the little details

The subtitles replacing every time pointcrow says "god" with "bread" is the greatest thing

"I forbid you from questioning my plans again" "I love my free will!" bread damn this is hilarious

I love how the pinnacle of DnD is both a well thought out worldbuilding with an intriguing, emotionally captivating story and whatever this is.

Haven't watched the video yet, but seeing DougDoug and Pointcrow in the thumbnail immediately makes me think that this might be the most chaotic video yet

"I knew our paths would reunite against all of our will" that killed me

Love Dougdoug’s character arc from being a big baby enslaving everyone to nobly sacrificing himself to defeat the bread god

I love the implication that souldrain could've been used as a tactical life steal for his life costing spells yet he never used it in favor of being an infant