Psychotherapist's Hacks on How to Change Your Life | Lori Gottlieb on Impact Theory
205,095
Published 2020-11-17
On this episode of Impact Theory, Tom Bilyeu joins psychotherapist and author Lori Gottlieb to discuss such matters and more as they explore the power of therapy, how to move on from your past and forwards towards change, and why self-compassion is crucial to leading a happy life. They discuss how to become unstuck in your negative ways, how to truly achieve change in your life, why it’s crucial you need to have self-compassion, the freedom in knowing you have choices, how to see things from other people’s perspectives, how forgiveness is truly achieved, and ways to overcome trauma and pain.
Order Lori’s Book, ‘Maybe You Should Talk To Someone’: lorigottlieb.com/books/maybe-you-should-talk-to-someone
SHOW NOTES:
Stories | Lori shares the power of stories and why she chose that approach for her book. [0:10]
Unstuck | Lori discusses the power of therapy and its ability to move you forward in life. [1:23]
Change | Lori discusses our incredible ability to make changes to our personalities. [2:57]
Approach | Lori shares her approach as a therapist to encourage her patients to change. [4:41]
Choice | Lori discusses why people face such challenges when trying to make change. [6:35]
Comfort | Lori shares how she makes her patients comfortable with the idea of change. [9:10]
The List | Lori shares the guideline that can help you begin moving towards change. [10:05]
Self-Compassion | Lori discusses how to develop self-compassion in your life. [14:29]
Cognitive | Lori shares her approach in relation to cognitive behavioral therapy. [15:57]
Homework | Lori reveals the actionable homework she assigns to those that seek it. [16:45]
Freedom | Lori discusses the power of taking a breath and feeling the freedom of choice. [17:56]
Perspectives | Lori shares the power of putting yourself in other people’s shoes. [20:59]
Betrayal | Lori shares how she approaches cases of patients with hurting relationships. [23:41]
Cheating | Lori discusses what could really have been going on when a partner cheats. [25:35]
Patterns | Lori shares examples of unfinished business brought into relationships. [27:00]
Childhood | Lori discusses the influence of your childhood self has on your adult self. [28:27]
Forgiveness | Lori discusses the true nature of forgiveness and how it’s achieved. [29:50]
Overcome | Loris discusses how a couple can come back together after betrayal. [35:43]
The Sexes | Lori shares the similarities between both men and women in therapy. [38:23]
Trauma | Lori discusses pain and how it shapes our personalities if we don’t heal. [41:53]
Move Forward | Lori shares why you need to accept the freedom of adulthood. [44:36]
Reframe | Lori discusses how you should frame your mind to let go and move forward. [46:36]
Connect | Lori shares how you can continue to follow her and stay connected. [47:50]
QUOTES:
“…some of us, like sort of human nature, would rather stay in the familiar place, even if the familiar is miserable or unpleasant, than to say I’m gonna risk something and go to this place that makes me really uncomfortable.” [7:47]
“Most big transformations come about from the tiny, almost imperceptible, steps that we take along the way.” [9:49]
“People act a certain way because they have to keep you at a distance so that you can’t see their pain.” [43:16]
FOLLOW LORI:
Website: lorigottlieb.com
TED Talk: ted.com/speakers/lori_gottlieb
Podcast: lorigottlieb.com/podcast
Column: theatlantic.com/projects/dear-therapist
Twitter: twitter.com/LoriGottlieb1
Facebook: facebook.com/GottliebLori
Instagram: instagram.com/lorigottlieb_author
All Comments (21)
-
"You can not move on to a better future if you are holding on to the hope of a better past." Profound!
-
“At some point in our lives, we have to let go of the fantasy of creating a better past” - Lori Gottileb
-
Best Lori Gottlieb interview. "We marry our unfinished business." Shazaam.
-
Conversation looks so effortless that the whole episode passes by, without realizing the time gone by. Subtle and intuitively informative.😇🙏
-
I love her explanation about excuses we all tend to come up with. Many don't even realize they constantly find excuses to avoid doing what's necessary. Excuses are one of the natural mechanisms our brain has to protect us from danger, from taking risks. Excuses are natural mental brakes. We MUST take risks. So, to fulfill our dreams, we must train ourselves NOT to give in to excuses, NOT to become a hostage of our own head. ❤💪👍
-
OMG! This has easily become one of my favorite interviews on impact theory! Lori's answers are so amazing and the explanations so articulate and Tom's questions are perfect, exactly to the point, exactly about what I would want to know. Wow...
-
She is very wise and nuanced. I love how she is breaking things down for Tom. I see that Tom is learning a lot from her. Her book is a must read for me. From her examples I already can see so many parallels with the people in her book.
-
Whoever is reading this may you attract good health,wealth, abundance and prosperity in their life
-
Tanx Lori and Tom. Life is not about finding yourself,it about reinventing yourself.🤝💚🔑🙏🏻
-
That part about self-compassion REALLY hits home with me. I've been facing this part of my programming head-on for almost two years, and I feel every time I have an Ah HA! moment through meditations or self-dialogues, I'm bombarded with either a memory of someone close to me making me feel ashamed and unworthy or the "inner voice" trying to sneak back into my thoughts. Been following Impact Theory for most of those two years, really grateful for YouTube algorithms #hastags!, and I've learned how to identify when my brain is telling me lies vs. manifesting solutions. You HAVE to do the work. You can't just watch these things as entertainment. Don't dive into the work trying to gain CONTROL, but rather, dive into the work with the FAITH that there is a better experience awaiting you at the other end.
-
Who ever reads this please know: You have so much potential inside you. You are beautiful and strong. Have a wonderful day ❤️. Much love!🙏🏽
-
What a brilliant person. I wish she had her own podcast or YouTube channel. I want more!!
-
In my opinion loving and accepting yourself is the key ✨
-
I love it when Tom gets intrigued and leans forward and says "Go on...."
-
Amazing video. Thank you for creating this ❤ Self love and self compassion is the ultimate lesson. The deeper we love ourselves, the deeper we are able to love others, quiet our mind and see things from new perspectives. 🙏🏼
-
Tom Bilyeu, I love the way you interview; you really bring out the best in your guests and your audience so the message is clear for all. You facilitate so well and keep the speaker on point and the audience engaged. And the topics so pertinent to "today." This one - - really good! This speaker rocks! So intelligent.
-
Lori's knowledge is AMAZING!!!
-
Minute 32 : apologies absolutely key for me because it shows awareness and willingness to grow. No apologies means (in my mind) no awareness thus no certainty it's not gonna happen again
-
I read this book at the beginning of the year and I've recommended it to everyone I love. It really is moving in a weird way. Also, Lori is a brilliant writer. So yay for that.
-
This was a great interview. As a person who was cheated on in a 13 yr. marriage...forgiveness does not mean I trust you. We are to forgive as God is merciful and forgives us. When you don't forgive you let bitterness take root and that just hurts you. My ex could care less if I forgive him or not, but I have told him and feel free to move on and know his negative behavior has no hold on me.
