The Modern World Is Making Men Lonely, Addicted & Lost! - Escape Society's Matrix | Gabor Matè
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Published 2022-09-16
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On Today's Episode:
Either you or someone you know is dealing with illness on some level. Whether it’s an autoimmune condition, metabolic disorder, or mental health crisis, it’s hard to escape the reality of how sick our society has become and so we’ve normalized our lack of health and made it the new norm without really questioning why.
In our fast-paced technological world where medical breakthroughs are more common it feels like we’re further from a solution than when we started or we’re just solving for problems we’ve been creating and consequently we’re farther from optimal health than ever before. At what cost is all this happening?
Dr. Gabor Mate is a world renowned trauma and addiction expert with over 40 years experience and respect looking at how trauma has been affecting us from childhood long into our adult years. Today he’s discussing The Myth of Normal, also the title of his latest book on trauma, illness, and healing in a toxic culture. From the very beginning Gabor exposes the myth and explains why this new norm we’ve accepted is actually making us sick.
Between exposing how trauma in our childhood and suppressed anger lead to autoimmune diseases and how our adaptive responses to bad parenting decisions cause a plethora of problems in our adult lives, Gabor Mate is laying down food for thought that will shift the way you see everything.
Check out Gabor Mate’s latest book, The Myth of Normal, Trauma, Illness, and Healing in a Toxic Culture: amzn.to/3RQl0rg
SHOW NOTES:
0:00 | Introduction to Gabor Mate
0:39 | What Is the Myth of Normal
6:20 | Authenticity & Attachment
10:37 | Boundaries For Unconditional Love
19:45 | Nature’s Agenda for Humans
30:50 | Best Human Conditions to Thrive
36:36 | Stop Suppressing Healthy Anger
47:39 | Depression & Disconnection
53:32 | Emotional Regulation to Trauma
59:46 | Breaking Traumatic Cycles
1:12:35 | Healing Childhood Adaptations
1:23:50 | Conditions of Unconditional Love
1:27:14 | Changing an Unhealthy Culture
QUOTES:
“In this culture the norm is neither healthy nor is it natural, in fact the norm I think is making us sick.” [0:56]
“Illness in this society given the conditions is a normal response to an abnormal circumstance.” [1:11]
“That means we have to be in touch with our gut feelings and our emotions and to be true to them, and so what we need is relationships is which we can be true to ourselves, that’s a directive.” [4:25]
“When you suppress your emotions you’re suppressing your immune system as well.” [5:55]
“Infant is an expectation for unconditional acceptance. [...] We evolved as expectations for certain conditions. The less a society meets those conditions the more toxic it becomes…” [7:56]
“You can set boundaries through just love, through relationship, through example, it doesn’t have to involve force and it certainly doesn’t have to involve physical force.” [13:26]
“You may know on some level that your parents love you because they feed you, they hug you, but at the same time these people that love you are deeply hurting you, that’s traumatic.” [18:38]
“Wealth is defined as a set of social connections rather than a set of physical possessions.” [27:55]
“In this society, it’s the worst of us that get nourished and the best of us that gets suppressed.” [30:56]
“Not feeling your anger was an adaptation to your childhood where the anger wasn’t permitted. That emotional physiological effort to repress anger takes a toll on the nervous system and the immune system. It’s a major role in disease ” [42:10]
“Healthy anger is a boundary defense.” [44:15]
“When you suppress the emotions, you’re also suppressing the immune system.” [45:42]
“Trauma is an imprint that makes you react to the present like you’re still a child, [...] it’s automatic, it’s unwilled…” [55:39]
“What stresses people are a loss of control, uncertainty, conflict and lack of information.” [1:05:15]
“Having love for a person doesn’t mean that you’re going to put up with everything that they do, [...] we have to draw our boundaries, but the question is how do we draw our boundaries and in what spirit and with what intention?” [1:24:41]
“Why should we settle for the worst versions of ourselves…” [1:33:13]
Follow Gabor Mate:
Website: drgabormate.com/
YouTube: / @drgabormate9132
Instagram: www.instagram.com/gabormatemd/
Twitter: twitter.com/drgabormate
Facebook: www.facebook.com/drgabormate
All Comments (21)
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What do you think is the biggest issue we face in society today? Drop a comment below!
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When my daughter had a temper tantrum I hugged her tight, rocked her and hummed or sung to her until it passed. I just could never ignore her or send her away from me. It just went against every parenting instinct I had . She is 17 now and she is just the greatest, kindest, confident, personable, well behaved. Everyone she meets loves her. My advice is before you have children get lots of therapy to work on your issues so you can parent your child from love and not your trauma. Your child is not your therapist. Children are selfish and will push every button you have so you better be healthily prepared for it.
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" You did not grow up in the same house as your sibling." Now that's an eye-opener.
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I had a temper tantrum at my fathers funeral. I was just over 3 yrs and remember being extremely angry. All the adults froze and were mortified. My brother, who had just turned 6, was the one who took care of me.I learned early on that I couldn’t depend on adults for anything.
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The best of parents are those who experienced trauma and chose never to allow their own children to feel how our parents treated us and made us feel. If you are this parent i love you, i respect you and the world needs you. You are amayzing so don't let anybody ever tell you any different ❤
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So I’ve studied psychology (child psychology especially) five years at University and then I hear this guy and my degree goes out the window. So sad no one teaches this
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"When you suppress your emotions, you are suppressing your immune system as well."
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Traits that predict and cause illness: 1. Automatic concern for other people's (emotional) needs above your own 2. A rigid identification with duty, role, and responsibility 3. Repressed (and/or suppressed) emotions 4. (Self-limiting) beliefs: 5. Responsibility for other people's emotions 6. "I must NEVER disappoint ANYONE..."
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Thank God for my mom. My daughter and i lived with her when my daughter was a baby. The doctor had told me to let her cry herself to sleep and my mother said ABSOLUTELY NOT!! We rocked her to sleep every night. My parenting instinct was so underdeveloped i thought she was wrong at the time. She is 16 now and more securely attached than most kids her age. I credit my mother.
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“The attempt to escape from pain, is what creates more pain.” ― Gabor Maté
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I’ve done so much inner work that I’ve lost all my family and friends. I feel so isolated and lonely sometimes. I’m hoping all of this inner work will eventually help me attract new people who’ve also done their inner work.
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I think that an understanding of what Dr. Mate’s talking about would help to talk to someone who was neglected as a child and what they are left with as an adult. When you grow up neglected, in the loving nurturing sense, you walk through life wondering who you are, unable to believe or feel the sense of love you get from others. It’s like being in limbo. Everything he says resonates with me because I didn’t experience those things. As a woman in my 60’s I’m still trying to understand it all. Dr Mate’ is helping me to understand why it is that I feel the way I do about life and maybe, just maybe, I can find a feeling of connection to it before I die.
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Amen. Hd daughters at age 43 and 45. Read a million parenting theories. In the end I went with instinct...so comforted them when they cried,let them sleep with me, carried them all of the time. They are confident, smart, kind and secure. Glad I listened to my gut. confidentsecure,
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Gabor Mate is one of the wisest people alive today. What a gift to humanity. ❤
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I decided to raise my kids the complete opposite of how I was raised. The results are night/day. I am breaking generational curses. It stops with me!
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Love this! I raised two boys. My first son had colic and cried for 3 months. I always tried to comfort him. I never left him to cry himself to sleep. I never punished my boys. Only rewarded them for positive behavior. Believe me all the love you give your kids, it is not going to spoil them. It will make them confident and loving adults.
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This man is one of a kind, I have been following him for quite a time .He is so smart , wise ,compassionate,and above all humane.I can’t believe how he stood up for injustice in Gaza.❤❤❤❤
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"you've never seen an adult throw a tantrum, you've seen a traumatized child in an adult body throw a tantrum"
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When I had my son I had studied how women in Japan raise their children as a group and do not let the infant cry unattended or in a prolonged way. I did that with my son and I'm glad I did. I never had any doctor tell me to let him cry. He was later identified as a special needs child and I am glad that I had that information and the support of his father to spend more time with him than most mothers do. I let the baby teach me what he needed. I was shocked in public when people would question me why I was holding him instead of putting him in a stroller? I would answer, if you have never had the joy of holding a baby you should try it! He is now a well adjusted 24 year old young man.
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Hey Tom, I can see that these answers were very challenging for you. I felt that the ideas pushed your emotions and boundaries but that you really tried and succeeded in being open-minded. Much Respect.
