AUTISM AND FRIENDSHIP|Purple Ella

I really need to kick my habit of oversharing/ making inappropriately snarky comments at every opportunity, I need to remember that making people laugh/ think I'm isn't the only reason why people would/could ever be friends with me.

Omg this is me!! I struggle to know where the boundaries are.. I always feel like I treat people like friends and it's not reciprocated with the same amount of effort and I get so confused 🤦‍♀️🤦‍♀️

Yes, can we just delve into this oversharing instantly. It’s like taking all your clothes off and thinking everyone is going to be comfortable with that 🙄 Once I was aware of this I try to keep my inner life clothes on but I just hate clothes. So restrictive, can we just be real? 🤣 No, people are quite uncomfortable letting their inner life be naked. Pity. We could save so much time if everyone would just do the same. Then you could instantly see “not a match” or “lovely, match” like a card game and pit together a good deck with a winning hand and discard the mismatches to someone else’s winning hand ❤️

This is my #2 biggest struggle. I do want friends, but no idea how to go about maintaining them when I already have so much on my plate. I also have trust issues. Time and time again I've been let down. When I think about friendships the whole thing makes me sad really.

I have had a very hard time with friendships bc I cannot tell when people are joking, mocking me, making fun of me or being sarcastic so people have often taken advantage of that and pretended to be my friend so they can bully and hurt me. I now have a very hard time building real friendships because I find it hard to trust that they truly want to be my friend.

I'm opposite... I isolate.... I lose friends because of this.

I've actually once overheard someone say that they just need to invite me to a party so I'll start up a conversation with people I've met for the first time and just hold court with my ramblings. Almost like a party trick. Made me feel so small and embarrassed because I genuinely love conversing with people but I can never tell when I'm dominating a conversation or overwhelming someone with information until their eyes glaze over. Friendships and social engagements are such a struggle. Thanks for these tips, may try a couple.

I seriously wear my heart on my sleeve. I can understand what’s been said here. It’s very close to home.

Having friends is honestly my dream Currently my only friend and quite literally is my mother i sorta make her do things with me not really make her idk I just kinda get her walking stuff out and be like well I already got it out It would be nice being able to ring someone who didn’t give birth to me and just be like “hey I’m going hiking do you wanna come” although knowing me keeping a stereotype friendship is something I can’t do I more just need someone who understands I might need not message them for weeks and then just pop up

"People who see me as a charity case" ouch, right in the feels. What I'm struggling with recently is I have three people I would consider close friends, but I don't feel like they share as much with me as I do with them, which makes me feel like I'm a burden, rather than the friendship being mutually beneficial. "So what I did was I made a spreadsheet". That's it, this is the first video I've ever seen of yours, and I feel like we just bonded 😂

I really related to parts of this, especially the “puppy” comment… where I differ and struggle (and would love to hear if any others are the same or have any tips) is that I do genuinely hate being alone. I function better with company. I stay out of my head less and thus have less meltdowns. I am more focused. I feel more accountable. I crave those kind of friendships where we would make each other a part of our normal routines - perhaps not DAILY, but regularly… running errands together, I come sit with you while you clean your place, you come sit with me while I get work done, we’re checking in normally throughout time, meeting for coffee during our lunch breaks, if you’re ill I’m dropping you food and comfy things at your door, if you’re in the area you stop by because you thought of me , etc… and I know a ton of people but 9 times out of 10 I try to make plans and they fall flat. If I go out to the clubs (once every few months) I will see people I know who will run up immediately and hug me and say they missed me and love me and want to hang out THEN and will say they wanna hang out more - but then never follow through. And then this repeats. Where would these fall on that list?

This is the best description of levels of friendship I've heard.

I wish someone would have taught me this years ago!

i have had 0 friends for a little over 10 years. i really related to your "i acted like puppy" comment. i try to see them cuz i wanna be friends with anyone.... then i push them away cuz im weird. idk if im autistic but this vid really helped thx ella. My hair is purple can i be purple erica?

So relate to this being autistic and how it alters when I had either a partner or later a husband and children. Priorities change and I think this gives us a chance to reflect and see who our real friends are. Or how our energy levels differ to theirs. I overshare at times, meet a stranger on a train who starts chatting then I overshared and hate myself after for it. Especially when I see the person again and they don’t bother speaking to me. I wonder too if people feel vulnerable overhearing. I think others only are owed our stories when they know us well! I always assumed everyone was a friend too. This started in primary school when my head of infants said to me upon returning to school after a year away that I would be back with all my class friends again. I took this literally. Relate to the phone list. I’ve weeded out so many people who were not real friends. I do have close friends now and am blessed. Even long distance friends are able to see me and make the effort to visit or see me when they come up to this region on holiday.

Oh I am totally like you on the « if I don’t see this friend he won’t like me anymore » thing, and I also realised really recently that I needed a lot of time alone.. In the beginning I thought that the fact of having friends and loving friendship would totally exclude the possibility of being autistic, but as everything else in my life clicked so well with the ASD diagnosis I had a second look on my friendship difficulties

I really want female friends finding it very hard and not going outside hardly

The spreadsheet sounds genius!! I need to start it. I always have trouble to understand the different levels of friendship and I tend to overshare with anyone. And I get confused and ask myself a lot if X or Y is a friend of mine or not. Also maintaining relationships that are not included in my routine is quite hard. I am willing to try the method, hopefully it will give more clarity to the whole situation.

hi I'm so much like you . I'm autistic and like being arround people but also need my space . I was always literal and nieve as well

Hello Ella! I want to thank you for you having shared your experiences about friendship and how it relates to autism. I am not diagnosed with autism myself, but I strongly suspect that I may have some degree of ASD, and I struggle SO MUCH with friendships, understanding them and what they are. For me every and each person that I meet is so so important, and I crave a deep friendship so much that I guess I overstep the boundaries frequently and that makes me suffer so much. Makes me feel alone and unwanted and neglected for so much effort I put on everybody I know. Knowing that there is someone who have experienced something similar puts me at rest a little bit. I am still trying to found ways to find out if all those symptoms i experience may be due to ASD, in my country that is not a easy task, but finding people like you, open to share your experiences help me so very much. Thank you.