Secure Attachment Style

My mom told me I would be sad when she left but was able to be soothed. My caregivers were consistent in how they showed up. They didn't make me hide my emotions, they allowed me to be creative and they reciprocated their affection. I am also not clingy with friendships but I am a friend who shows up when it counts and checks in. My circle is small.

0:10: 🔐 Securely attached children show distress when separated from their parents, but are able to soothe themselves and are comfortable in relationships as adults. 3:25: 👩‍👧‍👦 Being a good mom involves a combination of playing with your child and being available for them when needed. 10:02: 👥 Adults with this attachment style are able to judge each relationship individually and are comfortable with closeness. 6:37: 👨‍👩‍👧‍👦 Parents should monitor their own feelings and maintain structure to foster secure attachment with their children. 12:21: 🔐 Securely attached individuals in friendships are reciprocal, maintain their own identity, and are able to support others without becoming overly emotional. Recap b

I recently heard of one therapist saying that as adults different partners can trigger different attachment styles. It's an interesting view as a lot of people are afraid that they didn't develop secure attachment growing up so it's going to be like that in all of their romantic relationships whereas perhaps with certain partners they can actually have secure attachment. Obviously it's good to work with a therapist first but nonetheless we shouldn't worry SO much about our attachment style. I think that what helps is a compatible partner. At the end of the day, we can do so much inner work, therapy, reading etc etc BUT I actually believe that healing truly completes in a relationship.

We have a grandson who has adjustment disorder with anxiety. He has been sick his whole life and had a bilateral lung transplant when he was 10 and now is almost 17. He has to know where I am at all the time. His parents are divorced and his mother is bipolar and his sisters also live with us now and we are trying to help them deal with what life has dealt them. It is complicated to say the least.

Wow geez.... thanks for the leaving a kid at school reference. I noticed what my mom did was to literally throw me into kindergarten and into the arms of the teachers even as i cried and bawled my eyes out because i was scared, she ignored me because she had to rush to work (i was a kid, i didnt understand why she couldn't stay for awhile). I remember looking out the windows of the kindergarten classroom for many hours for my mom but she would never appear. A poignant memory was that a teacher recognise that i was very upset and crying for my mother for much of the day, she took me on a walk by holding my hand and showed me the other side of the windows within the corridor and soothed me and let me know that my mom will be back soon, after class and taught me to watch the clock on the wall and could look forward to seeing my mom again when the hands pointed to a certain time, that comforted me and i calmed down. She became my secure attachment figure on that day. Those memories still stay with me till today and thus made me an anxious preoccupied.

sounds like secure attachment style is one to strive for on an ongoing basis . Thank you

My parents (stepdad) waited all day when I broke my arm at a wedding. It happened in the early part of the day but I was asked to sit down and wait and watch till the evening. I was around 7-9 years old As a parent I was mindful of my reaction when my daughter would fall or hurt herself. I tried to be calm and watch her react before I did.

omg im very anxious and protective. I am learning SOO much out of this. I need to adjust my parenting style.

Im a secure attachment style. My mom said as long as i was "singing" she knew i was happy on my lil world. What i craved was a healthy environment. Im empathic so i soak EVERYTHING in. I wasnt craving physical touch or coddling. I just want someone "around".

So I think I was more of a fearful type but I developed to more of a secure. Sometimes I have come backs but I try to calm myself and I’m still developing. So now what I remind me more of is the secure!

My mom told me I would be sad when she left but was able to be soothed. My caregivers were consistent in how they showed up for me, and did allow me to do tasks on my own too. I think being an only child, allowed me the opportunity to not mind being alone. Now, I do think if someone isn't securely attached it can trigger different emotions that is from your baseline so you really need to be attuned to that. A anxiously attached person will slowly show controlling behavior and be very sensitive while a dismissive will make you think wanting basic connection is "just too much". Luckily securely attached people are flexible to an extent and if in love can really help others re-wire their expectations.

I say thanks to the host for the last question.

Thanks never stop posting these are so helpful

Thx very much for this and all the content! It is so important to understand the range of typical so we can gat a better idea of possible barriers or problems.!

When I read The Five Levels of Attachment by don Miguel Ruiz Jr. and don Miguel Ruiz, it changed my life.

Great video

more interviews with dr judy please

What happens to a secure person if you end up dating for 5 yrs a person that is a very detouched avoidant. Can it change you, because Ive never been the same since they left because they didnt even break-up with me, it was so wired.

I think now I have a goal to be in my relationship, i have been very anxious with my partner and im ashamed

Great videos, thanks. Allow me to add my opinion on how you responded to your nephew falling and hitting his chin. I kinda feel like your response taught him how to completely ignore his pain, stuff it and move on. Your dismissive style in action 👌😁 Maybe it's better to acknowledge that he might be hurting, address his pain calmly and encourage him to play again if it's not a big deal... what do you think? P.S. I have a fearful avoidant attachment, so no judgment whatsoever 😂