Top 5 Overlooked Dating Red Flags

The red flags you ignore in the beginning become the reasons you leave in the end

I think a number one red flag for a relationship is when you realise you feel ashamed to tell your closest people about it. When you feel so shameful for being treated badly that you don't want anyone to know and you don't want anyone to tell you to leave. When you can't share the difficult parts of your relationship with your trusted people, something is off

"You deserve to not be touched when you don't want to be touched." Thank you for this line, alone. I'm healing from an ex not understanding this.

The hardest part about ignoring and excusing red flags when dating is having to admit your behavior was also a red flag. Some people are so quick to blame their partner for their hurt and dissapointment but we are equally to blame in some ways for settling. Before we even begin to consider dating we must first do the inner work. That alone can take year's to sort through and balance. More people need to see dating as an asset to our already balanced selves and not a "fixer" to our broken selves.

1. Different life stages 2. Shame - says I’m bad (guilt says I did something bad) 3. Baggage and Trauma - willing or not willing to do the work (not defending, not blaming; no abuse: verbal, physical, emotional, psychological, spiritual, financial, etc.) 4. Different values and goals 5. Communication

As a domestic violence survivor who survived serious abuse, I wish I would listened to my gut about the red flags. It’s so critical to pay attention to the red flags.

I’m not recommending this, but it did happen to me: my husband and I fell in love at first sight and we never questioned it because kindness and affection were our basic ways of treating each other and we were both serious artists and writers and honored that - our creativity. It said everything about ourselves. We sort of “claimed” each other in a very romantic way. We had a trust in each other that was almost supernatural. We melted into each other and at the same time were very independent and gave each other huge latitude. Because we were so “free” (except for sex -we were completely against any form of cheating.) we woke up happy every day for 25 years, and artistically flourished, even writing a book together called “Separately Together.” I lost my husband to a mountain climbing accident a few years ago, the worst thing that could have happened to me. That’s the terrible thing about a loving relationship: there are still no happy endings. 😢

“If you haven’t healed from those who hurt you, you will bleed on those who are trying to help you.” So very true. I have at least 8 friends, acquaintances, neighbours whose wives have initiated divorce proceedings in the last couple of years. Every single wife, or ex-wife, endured significant to horrific trauma and abuse as a child. I’m not blaming them; rather, I just want to highlight the devastating impact of unhealed trauma.

i have to point out that this is actually something we need to work on as a society. I'm in a newish relationship (about 8 months) and we've talked about all kinds of things, including where we'd both be ok with living together if we get that far, if kids are on or off the table, what each of us wants out of life and a relationship, job and chores expectations, time with one another's families, time spent away from one another, etc. the weirdest thing is not how a potential partner reacts to these questions, but rather how people outside of the relationship react when they know these questions are being asked. they think it's moving too fast and we need to put on the brakes and step back. but I've already been through 2 toxic relationships that wasted years of my life on lost investment, and I've hit a point where I'm done playing around. i want to know about our future compatibility as soon as possible, so that i can move on if need be with the minimum amount of damage done to both parties. no more games. and it's weird to me that society thinks this is wrong

I dodged a bullet with a person I was talking to for a while, they were the “I can’t count on anyone” “everyone fucks me over”chronically resigned on a life they considered mediocre but was like “eh, there’s nothing I can do”. Once I actually went on a date with them and saw that it was a pattern, I saw what a giant red flag it was and ended the contact. I felt soooo relieved

I'm dealing with anger towards my parents for not teaching me these things. I was served up on a platter for my abusive ex. 😢

Jimmy, I appreciate the fact that these red flags that you're talking about are not only things that we have to look for in our partners, but also in ourselves. Accountability, self-reflection, and improving on our shortcomings to become the best version of ourselves are essential to building secure relationships.

“Our childhood was a classroom, you were learning things whether you wanted to or not” Brilliant. Very good video

Just left a toxic relationship a few days ago...he was forcing me to break up Now I am glad it's over I value myself ❤

“Someone who HAS to escalate the fight because they can’t have a calm discussion.” I could tolerate the issues/flaws, but I couldn’t tolerate the fact that my ex was unable to talk about working on them. That’s what broke us.

Dating is really the interview process to see if someone is right for you, not the other way around. Yet, so many of us treat dating as a time where we are trying to impress the other person to get them to like us. That's dangerous. If you have to work so hard to get someone to like you, what's going to happen when you shed that and just be yourself? You definitely don't want a relationship built on that.

I like that you mentioned "unresolved conflict" I'm a communicator and people always know what's up and where they stand with me but my husband wouldn't do anything that was healthy for our relationship so you can imagine 8 years of unresolved conflict." He wouldn't discuss my feelings or concerns I had with us and the way he treated me. He wouldn't explain his dirty actions he had done to me. The next day was a brand new day for him as if his 3 hour tantrum the night before was ok. No apology, no explanations, ever. That's someone who's missing something upstairs and lacks empathy and caring for others. He's definitely in a different reality. I'm glad we separated.

"Not everyone is for you, but you want have to beg the right person to care about what you need to feel safe, valued, and loved" ❤

Emotionally immature are also crybabies. They are also inconsiderate, they blame the other, ''I was normal 'till I married you.

This is exactly what i have been trying to get husband to understand. I am truly exhausted now. Begging him for so long, him dismissing me only created more problems and pushed me further away. Now, I feel nothing but resentment towards him.