Too needy? Anxious attachment? This video can help you.

Have you ever felt like this? I would love to hear your experience in the comments. ❤ I have more related videos and helpful links in my description.

Double whammy when you are shamed for being needy. I have been told many times to pull my act together and to chill. Only my fellow anxious attachment people know how miserable the whole experience. A simple thing like not getting a reply triggers a wildfire inside my head.

Personally, I find that "needy" people are just traumatized humans that require a liiittle extra care yet society doesn't want to budge&treat us like we're deserving humans. We are though. I need reassurance from my partner&I communicate openly but society is rampant with abusers&sadly it doesn't matter who you are, once an abuser has you, they'll abuse you however they wish.

I feel both too needy and avoidant......i try not to get close to people past my boundaries, because once I get to trusting someone, i want that reassurance, and that's typically where things come apart from me

I have an anxious attachment style. And I'm really, really hard on myself about it... I communicated my needs to my partner today and it was really scary. I feel like I ask for so much from him. He is frustrated that it seems like I can't trust that he loves me - of course he put this in a really kind way. It's just hard because he shows me love, comforts me, calls me nearly every day... and I seem to fixate on the little things he does "wrong" and use them as proof that he may not really love me. And he just wants me to feel loved and stop questioning his feelings! He tells me he loves me all the time, why is my fear of abandonment still so strong? Well.... Not to be cliche, but my dad abandoned me. And he was always really loving and emotionally affectionate. He just couldn't be there for me in reality. So now, I love being loved, don't get me wrong, but I don't feel like love is enough to keep someone from leaving me. I don't value verbal reassurance the way I should. I'm extremely sensitive to broken promises, even little ones. I get really unnerved when my partner is late or needs to reschedule our plans. I think, "He loves me, but does he want to be with me? Is he willing to make an effort?" And I get anxious until I can talk to him again, usually in tears.

Running into people who are deceptive and just want to use you while dealing with this attachment style/wound is literally hell. Add battling depression and anxiety to this equation.

I never used to be that way, but dated a couple women back to back who jumped to someone else after going a little quiet. Ever since, whenever someone gets a little quiet I start getting anxious. Before I'd just think "Oh they're busy," but now my mind runs wild.

had a horrible day yesterday and i lost people who i thoughts were my friends. thank you so much for this video ♡

When people stop initiating contact, I'll automatically assume it's because they've grown tired of me forever. And because I have this dangerous assumption, I stop contacting them as well. In the end, my assumptions always become reality. So while I definitely have an anxious attachment, part of me subconsciously has an avoidant attachment as well. The thinking being: why bother starting relationships when they always fall apart anyway? It's easier to fall from the 1st floor than the penthouse. Or better yet, if you never go up, there's nowhere to fall. That is an analogy for loneliness.

Once I remember that my needs are valid and wanting to have them recognized doesn't make me a monster, it becomes a lot easier to not get upset about people that, for whatever reasons, cannot give me that reassurance. Thank you ❤

I have an anxious attachment style, and a strong fear of abandonment, but I keep getting abandoned, so I'm never able to feel safe around anyone. My father left us, my mother died when I was young, and my girlfriend who was my favorite person and safety net left me. Friends lose interest, and I don't know why, maybe I'm too much. I try to be better, and I go to therapy, but I struggle so much to relax and have a nice day feeling safe, because I'm constantly afraid of being abandoned, rejected, left out, forgotten. I have such strong need for emotional closeness and I find it nowhere. I'm a 33 year old man. I'm supposed to suck it up and hang out with buddies. I need closeness, I need hugs, appreciation, compliments. I need space to be a person who worry and overthink. I need support when I am low or when I act in a distressed manner, either with worry, overthinking or just stress. I have no space anywhere to be myself. I cry myself to sleep. Therapist have me fill forms. How am I supposed to be strong and feel that I have worth and that I matter? I don't know if I'm asking Kati or if I'm just venting. I am just sharing, because I have nowhere else to go with this.

This is the video I really need now. Sometimes, I really do come off as needy.

Here's my two cents. My parents were aloof and distant and never showed affection and love to me. Now that I'm a grown up woman I like to communicate with caring people who are willing to give me the extra love and attention I've always needed. It's a mutual way to compensate for not feeling loved as a child. This makes some people feel love-deprived and in need to finally feel love and attention. Also, a "needy" person is "needy" only when his partner isn't comfortable with giving a lot of love and affection. It's just all about finding the partner who needs to give and receive the same amount of attention we do. Relationships are different and there isn't one perfect and set healthy level of affection, it's about what the 2 people involved need and want to give and receive.

I have come a long way in my anxious attachment. My emotions were always dismissed so I have constantly questioned if what I was feeling was even okay. I started off feeling needy and over time I did cultivate my own interests and learned some hidden gifts I had. And over time my husband (avoidant) has opened up, but we are currently going through some of these old feelings and it has been very difficult. I appreciate how this was reflected in the video which instead of making me feel like I am a horrible person for wanting to be loved, I can realize that it's just that I want to be recognized that my feelings do matter. Thank you so much for this.

I've been needy in almost every relationship in my life. A big part of that, I think, is because of my ADHD. One of the things you mention (like being influenced by messages I've got through my life) is relevant too, but having hyperemotionality and a desperate search for dopamine is the primary aspect of it for me. It's something quite a few of my ADHD friends struggle with too - we tend to be a lot more intense in all of our relationships and desires, and finding places where and people with whom we can comfortably display that level of intensity is rare. It's... a difficult thing to balance, and something I (and we) are still struggling with. And we probably always will - but we're still making progress and gaining understanding about how to deal with these struggles better.

my partner broke up with me 3 weeks ago because he thinks i’m needy and he feels like it’s unhealthy. thank you for this. i think being more aware will help me :)

I feel like I'm kind of both anxious and avoidant. Initially I keep people at arms length. I really do, I worry that they'll then want to do everything with me and I'll lose control (I think). But then like a switch goes and i fall for them and then become anxious. Thank you for this video Katy, it's helped me to figure a few things out.

Almost my entire dating experience has been wowing my S/O in the beginning only to get the "I'm not ready" or some form of them saying they don't feel as strongly as they believed I did. It was weird because although I may have very much been into them I wasn't "in love" or even past the vetting stage with them. It wasn't until recently (I'm 27) that I realized the messages I was sending, in efforts to get them to sooth my anxiety, were coming across as being more into them than I actually was and as needy. This journey has been eye opening asf ngl

It's like having a helpless puppy constantly clung to your foot 24/7 . You can't imagine how emotionally draining this can be for an avoidant type . Save yourselves the heartache, and just stay away from avoidants in general .

Wow a comprehensive analysis of our relationship styles and relationship patterns. I agree balance is required for relationships to be healthy. We can't drain other people of their time and energies. We need to respect ourselves and understand the needs of others. Thanks for this video.