Dating Tips for Autistic People (When to Drop The Mask)

"not talk to people that took energy from me". Thank you for this, I needed to hear it.

:face-purple-crying:For those of us that are just barely high-functioning its impossible to drop the mask, because the mask was barely hanging on to begin with. Am I doomed? I don't look autistic at all until someone interacts with me. I try to reassure them by mentioning I'm on the spectrum so they don't feel uncomfortable, but even friendships are hard to make. I feel like most people preach about accepting those with mental conditions, but 90% of the people I interact with are shallow as hell and just write me off as weird, even given the explanation. My biggest issue is being able to think of things to say as all my memory seems to leave me when my senses are overloaded. Otherwise I've tried to basically mimic what's normal via appearance and some mannerisms.

I feel online dating is like looking for job opportunities online. I am a software engineer and go on a lot of interviews. I use the same logic in dating. Not all dates become a career.

I think you have to tell your date that you aren't very good or enjoy texting early on if that's how you feel. They won't necessarily understand why you start off talkative and then fade out and will make them become distant too. It's compromise in the beginning and clarity.

If you want true love, you have to drop the mask. There’s no way around it, you both will not possibly be happy or healthy otherwise.

Dating has always confused me because everyone says when you have a partner you’re not lonely and that life is miserable without them. I only feel alone with people, in my experience relationships are either brief and or a chore weaved with empty words and quiet contempt. The conclusion is that I’m better off alone than playing this game and let others play

I met my boyfriend online from another country and we're getting married. To be honest, I'm proud of myself for getting this far. I was just diagnosed as high functioning ASD last week and he's been part of my journey through figuring me out. He makes me so happy and feel loved as I've never felt it previous relationships.

I'm not very good at masking, and I've got some very noticeable autistic traits, so I'll be open about the fact that I'm on the spectrum with any date I get at the earliest available opportunity. I used to keep quiet about the fact that I'm on the autism spectrum. I used to try and blend in among everyone else in society as much as possible. But in August 2020 (at age 22), I decided that that approach wasn't working. So I'm much more open about it these days.

I'm looking forward to this topic. I haven't dated in several years & have honestly thought maybe I'm done for good...but, life is darn lonely, ya know?

Social filter concept. It's nice to hear someone other than myself talk about it. More people need to understand this. The failed connections are always a step in the right direction, if you're aware enough. That alone doesn't fix the anxiety of such situations, rejection sensitivity even knowing that you're doing the right thing and benefitting from the interaction. It's still overpowering and inhibiting. Like no amount of potential benefits can even match or outweigh the feelings of the rejection itself and perhaps being reminded of all the more traumatic failures of ones past. Being replayed today. Aside from dating, this same exact concept applies to any other part of life that involves social trial and error. Friendships, business opportunities, family matters. Hopefully I get to hear these kinds of words from someone that isn't an expert on such things.

Online dating is too nefarious as the number of fake profiles is astronomical. This video highlights some great points of effort and committment dynamics

I prefer to text, actually. I get stressed about having to come up with things to say on the spot so phone calls never work for me. As an autistic female I also have a lot of issues with not meeting expectations from men on what a woman should be

I don't think I'll ever find the right person. I no longer feel like I'm yearning for that connection anymore because it gradually and eventually brings me to feeling extreme loneliness and becoming you could say feeling desperate. I don't feel that way now feelings have changed to, if something good comes along it does, if it doesn't it doesn't. I've started to want to be like in life, "it's either yes or no, stay or go, do or don't, etc. Be like the wind blows, and just BE. Present in this moment, then this moment, then this moment until my last and final moment one day." I used to think about hope and faith for a partner one day to be a right one. I just rather think less about it now, and just wait on God. He knows what's meant to be, and He won't fail to provide when He knows what I need and even what I don't need He knows also. I Trust Him (God). Sick of false hope which is more like wishful thinking, or high hopes only to be let down and fall hard.

Sounds like relationships aren't worth it. Maybe I'm jaded from past experiences, but meeting person after person after person until you find one you like, then experiencing increasing difficulty the closer you get until eventually you get your heart broken, then restarting the process sounds worse than being lonely.

I'm 30 years old almost, female and never dated. Guys think I'm awkward and off putting. I don't think I'm capable of having any kind of relationship with anyone

My husband and I have been together 13 years, married for 6. Personally, I haven’t found that I need to put more effort in to a marriage because nothing changed. Marriage isn’t some magical sacred thing, it’s a piece of legal paper work. Some people get married 6 MONTHS after meeting each other, being married doesn’t make their relationship mean as much or more than people who have been together (but not married) for 30 years.

Haven’t attempted dating only because I’m still figuring out myself. In the past online dating has just lead to me wasting energy on people who were too confusing to understand. Imma focus on me for now lol

I'm watching this because my resolution in 2023 is to go on at least one date a month (dating is super fucking hard for me, so this will be really really hard to achieve!) I needed to hear the part about not talking to people who take energy just because you might find something interesting about them later. I find myself carrying on conversations way too long just because I want to be polite without realizing that being polite in dating is literally the opposite of that; being polite to the other person means not leading them on and being polite to yourself means moving on when necessary. Thank you for this!!

As someone with Autism, Tourette's, ADHD and a huge hypersenstivity, I always used to feel completely doomed when it comes to dating. "Elementary steps" turn to be insane jumps for people with my condition (If social interaction is already difficult for me, add all the feelings of interacting with your crush). If I had to give any tips, I would say be brave, brave as hell like no one else! Some steps will be one thousand times harder for you than for anyone else, and probably you'll make one thousand more mistakes than anyone else would. But making just nothing won't bring that person to you (love doesn't work that way). Don't hide at all that you're different. Being realistic, a relationship with anyone else without your condition will be "easier", but if you hide it, it will turn that possible relationship into a lie. Instead, show that person that you're worth it. ✨️

You've summarized so much of the journey I've been on with dating. I'm at the point now where I'm struggling with how much energy the way I had been approaching it took, which was unsustainable, and how to approach it better. I'm also struggling with the fact that I'd been able to make good connections with really cool people but it always fizzled because it was built on my mask. But I don't really know my authentic, unmasked self very well, and it's slow process learning what it is. But I've made so much progress and learned so much doing hard things that were ended up being beyond worthwhile that I know I can do this too.