The Secret of Successful Relationships: Rupture and Repair
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Published 2020-12-09
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FURTHER READING
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“Many tensions within relationships can usefully be looked at through the prism of a concept much used within psychotherapy: the idea of ‘rupture’ and ‘repair.’ For psychotherapists, every relationship is at risk of moments of frustration or as the term has it, of ‘rupture’, when we suffer a loss of trust in another person as someone in whom we can safely deposit our love, and whom we believe can be kind and understanding of our needs. The ruptures are often quite small, and to outside observers perhaps imperceptible: one person fails to respond warmly to another’s greeting; someone tries to explain an idea to their partner who shrugs and says off-handedly that they have no idea what they’re on about; in front of friends, a lover shares an anecdote which casts the partner in a less than flattering light. Or the rupture can be more serious: someone calls someone a stupid fool and breaks a door. A birthday is forgotten. An affair begins…”
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CREDITS
Produced in collaboration with:
ArtRake Studio Animations
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Title animation produced in collaboration with
Vale Productions
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All Comments (21)
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1. The ability to apologize 2. The ability to forgive 3. The ability to teach 4. The ability to learn
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“You can learn a lot from your mistakes when you aren't busy denying them.” ― Oscar Auliq-Ice
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Realizing that the other person is not evil is the first step to forgiveness, seeing that they made a mistake because they were desperate or weak not because they were evil. But accepting their weakness and forgiving them for not being strong is the bigger and more challenging step.
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The ability to apologize is a really important aspect of every relationship along with the ability to forgive.
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The worst feeling is when you get misunderstood by the very own people who care for you
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Apologizing does not make you weak. It takes strength to recognize your wrong doings and try to make repairs.
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I think that marrying someone you respect is very underrated. We may think that loving someone automatically implies that we respect them too but then we ourselves derogate oir partners, make fun of their incompetancy and insult them from time to time.
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To whoever is animating these videos, you are doing an absolutely fantastic job. It made me laugh and smile so many times. Keep up the good work!
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My mom always taught me that when you’re arguing with someone it has to be progressive. DON’T insult your partner, instead talk about the problem that is happening!
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Best of luck to all the people whose relations have been strained due to the pandemic.
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Relationships can be simple but not easy. The matters of the heart rarely are. Socrates said ― “Life contains but two tragedies. One is not to get your heart’s desire; the other is to get it.”
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We forget that no one can read our mind the same way we do, we assume people who are close to us should know what to say or do all the time when we're around them because they know us. We have high expectations, sometimes not knowing this, and we get heavily disappointed when we're not acknowledged or heard or appreciated by them. We're all complex human beings with mood swings. We're emotional creatures who sometimes think logically. Oh life.
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Good points, but there needs to be a conversation about boundaries on this also. Because otherwise someone can easily fall into an abusive relationship, feeling like they keep needing to 'fix things' when what they actually need to do is walk away.
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Thank you, School of Life, for being our therapist when we can’t afford one.
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Forgiving & thus repairing a relationship are true signs of emotional maturity
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"You can't talk your way out of a problem you behaved your way into" These guys are a big inspiration to my Channel 💪🏾 🇳🇬🇳🇬
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"If you want to please everybody, you will have to compromise your happiness. An upright person will always have some haters."
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I don't know.. I think I've fallen in love with being single. I've never been happier. But yet here I am watching a video about relationships. Fml
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It's great if both partners are agreeable. Both will end up apologizing, giving others the benefit of doubt, and forgiving one another.
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Currently trying to Repair my marriage. Someone cross your fingers!
