Help! I Love An Aspie! (how to love someone with aspergers)

I married an aspergirl and the happiness that she brings me is out of this world. we have been together now for 19 years. it seems to me that if I expect almost nothing, that she will give me almost everything. and I try to give her everything too. we are both so blessed.

A cold burnt coffee with the wrong milk... and youll know he loves you, this cracked me up😂😂😂😂

For Aspies it is also difficult to trust somebody. It takes maybe a little longer. Due to their experiences of rejections, hurts and misinterpretations of their being different.

The dearest person in my life is an aspie and I was able to relate to a lot of the points in this video. I used to feel very "unloved" by him, and I would point it out to him, which made him withdraw more. The best thing I could have done is be more understanding, we communicated and he told me that he felt he was expected to do certain things but wasn't able to see those physical ques in things like touching, which helped a lot. I learned to just enjoy my time with him, and when he's comfortable with me I feel extremely happy because I know all the love he shows me is extremely genuine :) We've known each other for 8 years and I absolutely consider him the love of my life and every day I learn how to understand him better I love him even more <3

"You're doing it wrong. Your best isn't good enough." I have ADHD and my entire life I've been getting this message, even from family who know I have this condition.

To the Aspie: forgive the person for being mad at you. You possibly don't understand why there is a need for anger or believe that you haven't done anything wrong, but you can understand they have a right to get upset about things they are unhappy about. There may not be anything you can do about the situation itself, but it may help accept the criticism without feeling defensive. Instead of the mood being combative, the mood feels more communicative.

My GF is on the spectrum and this made me cry bc I love her but I also struggle with abandonment and loneliness and lots of trauma around friends disappearing... This was a really great reminder and it just made me cry. You touched on a lot of the things I was taking personally but you really brought me clarity and peace and I just want us to be good to each other.

I make my misses a coffee every morning same way she likes it have done for 13 years

"I know you love me, even if you can't give me what I need at the moment." That's huge. Also, being able to work together as a team to get both our needs met... that's definitely something I crave. I think my partner and I are working on that.

Back when I was 19 and the love of my life had just turned 21, I kept waiting for him to say that he loved me. We were in different colleges and he would make an 80 mile round trip to see me. That was during the 1960s before Aspergers and Autism were commonly known and spoken of. Looking back, I realize he needed me to speak up first, which I could not do because of verbal abuse that I had suffered. Adding to the stew was that my parents hated him for reasons I understood even then. Because of your videos, I have a greater understanding of the situation. Thank you. He died ten years ago. It would be nice to talk to him about this but that is not possible.

Can we please have a video on how to care for your non-aspie? After all they are the needy ones 😂

Simple: you just do. Some people may think we are incapable of love, when the simple, yet frustrating fact is that love is just difficult for us to communicate. So we can love people who have no clue that we do and for that reason dont reciprocate it either. We dont understand why we dont get invited to weddings and birthdays by the people we hold dear and consider friends and loved ones. And its all because people dont understand how much we care for them and how important, they are to us.

The 5 Love Languages is a fantastic book for all people in relationships. The coffee example is somebody who’s love language is “Acts of kindness”

It's funny that there are videos out there that teach others on how to love me. It's just too hard without a tutorial :-D

As a person with Asperger's I have actually tried to always express to my partners please let me know if I do something that upsets or especially pleases them so that I can avoid the bad and do the good... I have kind of a rules for engagement thing... And always have a rule of kisses hugs and expression of love before anyone leaves or parts away from another (usually myself, my partner, and my daughter) it ensures love is expressed as well as if anything bad were to ever happen the last thing said is "I love you" and the last thing done is hugs and kisses

As a NT married to someone on the spectrum, I can say sometimes it’s exhausting to have to be the one who always makes accommodations for the other person. My advice is that if you are getting involved with someone on the spectrum go into that relationship with eyes wide open. My person and I had no idea when we got together and damn it gets a helluva lot harder once you get older and have kids. It’s been a hard journey.

My amazing boyfriend is just looking into getting tested for autism, but some things I noticed that make a big difference: 1. Focus on the positive, and let them know when they said/ or done something you liked or enjoyed. And, it's ok to reflect on it and tell them when you're remembering something lovely of the past and how it still makes you feel good. 2. When making plans, have a back up plan. When things start going wrong, he starts to panic. I think it's because he was trying so hard for something to be great, and on the spot it takes time to plan something new and maybe we don't have an hour to plan out plan b, so then he feels even worse that we missed out all together. (He's mentioned several times that he's shocked I've never screamed at him, so I'm guessing that's the reactions he's had in many past relationships. That breaks my heart because I know his heart is good, and never with bad intentions). 3. Have other friends to do things with that your asbies partner dislike or is uncomfortable for them. And, encourage them to have friends who also love their special interests. I have different friend groups for different things. That way we don't miss out or expect too much from anyone person. (This is good advice for all even in NT w/ NT relationships). 4. Be specific about what you'd like. They will do everything to make it happen (but also refer back to #3 and don't push for things way out of your asbies comfort zone. If you do, that's just rude): - funny story: when we 1st started getting intimate and I wasn't ready for s-x, I'd asked him if he'd like finger me. He did and went right for hole. It was enjoyable, but I was also a bit shocked. A few weeks later, I told him so and he was embarrassed because he thought that's what I wanted and started to feel bad, so I quickly explainedthat I'd enjoyed it or I would have asked him to stop, but that it was just different from what I expected. Then he said he'd thought that's what my request was, and I thought about it and realized that rubbing on the outside and inside are both called the same thing, so I suggested that if he's ever new with someone else to start on the outside and let her tell him to move to the inside. 5. My asbies man ruminates over things that go wrong and I do too. But we both look at our parts of why we had a disagreement. So one of the most wonderful things about him is that we can talk about things later, share our thought processes of why we were holding so tight to our point of view. Then we usually think about what the other said regarding why, and then have another discussion a few days later of how to do better in the future. - For me, bickering all the time is a deal breaker. I have adhd which comes with rejection sensitivity and arguing tears me up, and makes me feel rejected. But, I like how we can talk about things later, and that gives me a hope for our future and I told him so. (I haven't explained rejection sensitivity to him yet, but I probably should). 6. When an asbies person has reached something, they are experts, but if I'm not, or disagree. I ask for them to explain more about it, but not all at once. This is particularly important for making financial discussions such. I'll say, I don't get how this works, so it makes me nervous to do it, so I need to know more about it. Hope this helps. I know all people are different even if we have similar brains operating systems we each have a lifetime of unique programming. Doesn't matter if we are ND or NT, that's true for everyone. The best thing to do is talk to people to learn what they like/ need/ want/ or hope for.

I am an autistic schizophrenic. After decades of trying to fathom the mindgames, strategies and pointless dramas that go into relationships, I finally decided to live alone for the rest of my life. Having made the adjustment I've never felt calmer, and as a result happier. No more craving love, no more pining for women who don't love me back, just peace. Women are wonderful, I don't need one, I don't want one ever again.

Mine is more like "Help! I found someone I find attractive and I am Clueless about how can I successfully have a relationship with them?

I'm dating a man with asperger's and hes very affectionate. I have to.remember hes more linear/logical while I can be emotional. Sometimes I need to stop and u understand this when we have disagreements. I often say "thank you for being you." To let him know how much I appreciate him. I think we're a good balance. And thankyou for this video. I live him and want to understand as much as I can about aspergers and strengthen our bond.