What Dating an Emotionally Unavailable Guy Looks Like

When your hunger for love is stronger than your self love, you settle for situationships and crumbs.

Instead of being afraid to lose him, be afraid of losing yourself. When we compromise on our boundaries and ignore or minimize our feelings and needs, that's exactly what happens. And it takes a VERY LONG TIME to recover from that. Much longer than it takes to recover from an asshole guy.

This was excellent. I was dating a man that was perfect on the outside. Handsome, charming, high status, funny. Captivating. And a whole mess underneath. I was carrying all the weight in the relationship. Emotionally and physically..,yes pleasing him and not once did he ever pursue me intimately. I was heavily deprived from the relationship and hanging on for dear life because of the outer shell. I finally cut him loose. The man didn’t lose an ounce of sleep. Haven’t heard from him since. Ladies… don’t drag it out. Run!!!!

A general rule that may not fit every situation: A sad sob story + lack of accountability = manipulation

The question about “what if I don’t find someone like him again?” - well that’s exactly the goal to find someone not like him. Flip the narrative. He’s not good enough for you, he’s not giving you what you want. YOU want something different than him. And you won’t find something better if you settle for this situation.

I read this and it makes a lot of sense, “ if they like you, you’ll know. If they don’t, you’ll be confused”. She have to let him GO NOW!!! He doesn’t see her as the one. If she stays, she will be nothing but a SPOT HOLDER until he finds the right one. Be smart!!!!

The worrying thing about this relationship is that he seems VERY experienced in playing this game and leading people on. He's done it a lot - it's a strategy that works for him. He knows exactly what to say, to play the victim, get her sympathy, keep her hanging on, frightened to ask to many questions or push him for real answers. He's an experienced manipulator. I bet his phone is full of conversations with multiple women, serving his needs in some way.

The thing is, most people know what genuine interest looks like. You know the texts you'll receive, the questions you'll be asked, the plans that will be made, etc. The falling process isn't that mysterious. So you should also know when someone ISN'T falling for you. Inconsistency, dodging of important conversations, excuses as to why it can't be serious now, some scattered future-faking, some ego pumping followed by silence, not progressing the relationship, etc. You KNOW, you just don't want to believe, and this is causing you suffering.

She’s a relationship coach and she can’t “see” what this is. Just goes to show how hard it is when it’s ourselves “in” something. So much easier to see when not emotionally involved. Run girl.

I cannot believe that there are women that are still hoping and waiting for men to commit. There is no time to wait. You will find somebody else. Be happy.

"You have your reasons, but I have my reality. If my reality is that what you're giving me isn't enough for me to be happy, then your reasons as to why that is don't really matter." (17:47) BRILLIANT!!

When you start defending people who hurt you.... saying it's fine because they're "a big deal." It's time to reevaluate that pedestal you put them on. They may be a great person.. but if they're not a great person for YOU. That's the reality you have to live in. Relationships have to be mutually beneficial. They cannot survive otherwise. Someone gets hurt otherwise. Being hurt by someone you respect and care for isn't a relationship anyone should readily accept. Your suffering is a BIG DEAL too.

“I know not to text him too much or too little” Girrrrrrrrl, he sounds like way too much work. Next!

Same thing happened to me. Never wait. Timing is not right. You can't force a person to heal. Move on.

my humble opinion: if he really is dealing with PTSD severe enough to not know if he wants to be in a committed relationship, he needs to have the self awareness to remove himself from the dating pool or not dangle the idea of a relationship in front of people. work thru ur shit and dont expect others to handle it for you. he gets the grace of the emotional security and validation of a relationship while simultaneously only just being involved enough to not be hurt like she would be.

Just the mere fact that he hasn’t introduced her to anyone he knows is enough for me to know he doesn’t want anyone to know he’s dating her.

The Goldilocks pain amount was the perfect way to describe it. This guy sounded like my ex...traumatized enough to never commit to me fully and claim to never be able to trust me, but not too traumatized to want me to be there as comfort, source of sex, and constant validation. SO GLAD I ESCAPED!

If her goal is not to lose him even though she isn’t happy with him then she will lose herself instead.

Been there done that. Move on. He doesn't have your best interest at heart. Move on. You will only get hurt.

To feel valued, nurtured, and respected is how we should feel in any significant relationship. Your advice is spot on!