DSM-5 Autism Criteria | How to Make Your Case for a Diagnosis

The toll of decades of forced coping and trying to be more “ normal” is exhausting and comes with compounding anxiety. One thing I’ve faced is neurotypicals not understanding why I would want a diagnosis now when I seemed to have done so well all these years. I wanna scream, “I’m not doing well. I’m tired.” They don’t see and, I think, can’t comprehend the extent of our struggle just to make it through a simple conversation and why if you interrupt my routines I nearly lose it.

I'm both crying and laughing while listening to you giving your own definition of autism. It's like you're describing me. I'm currently 31 years old, and have only just figured out that I could be on the spectrum. That whole diagnosis journey is still ahead of me, and it's both fascinating and terrifyingly stressful.

9:22 - So apparently this bit doesn't necessarily mean "isn't imaginative" (though it could) but rather "has trouble doing imaginative stuff collaboratively". That is VERY much my experience! I have a really active imagination individually, but I could never "play pretend" with other kids bc the elements they would introduce were just too chaotic - they broke the internal rules of the story and I couldn't deal with it! Likewise, I HATE that game where you go around in a circle and each person adds one sentence to the story.

I am 45, and was recently diagnosed with high functioning autism. I always knew I was different and didn’t learn like others. College allowed me to learn like I needed to. I could just go to class and go home and study. I lived alone for 4 years and it was what I needed. Completely quiet and by myself. As I start understanding my diagnosis, my life is starting to make sense!

I’m autistic and love imagination, it’s my escape from a world I don’t belong in.

I've never heard someone say that about eye contact before but that's exactly what I do! Well actually I watch people's mouths, I worked out that it gives the impression of eye contact and I go between looking around the room and looking at their mouth when I remember I should check in or seem interested. It was amazing to me to learn that other people aren't making these conscious calculations and efforts during social interactions, no wonder I find it so exhausting. I also wont be able to hear what they're saying if I make eye contact, it feels deeply uncomfortable and my brain turns to white noise and panic.

Stuff like buying (and receiving) cards and gifts for people stresses me out IMMENSELY. I have a big extended family and I could never figure who should get a gift and/or card from me or not, how expensive, how often, can it be a gift card, can I request a list of gifts that are acceptable, do I have to coordinate so that I don't buy the same thing as someone else etc etc. I would inevitably get something wrong and feel bad 😞 I never realised this is an autistic trait, not me being stupid or lazy

It's good to encounter someone else with autism who loves to read but basically only reads nonfiction. I frequently have a book with me so I read it whenever I'm waiting, when eating alone, etc. People occasionally ask what I'm reading, expecting to hear about some novel and/or author they're at least vaguely aware of, and when I tell them what the book is about they usually recoil a little in confusion.

I am going through the process myself (at age 41), and today I am finally going in for my evaluation. I am kinda nervous, but at the same time a little excited to (hopefully) finally have some answers.

I just realized about 5 years ago that I actually don't make eye contact. My coworkers would glance over their shoulder when I was talking to them, I always thought that was weird. Finally someone asked me what I was looking at, and I realized I was looking past their face and over their shoulder when I'm talking, or look around the room. When someone is talking to me, I'm looking at their lips. It helps me concentrate on what they're saying, one reason I have a hard time on the phone I think

14:45 - Let's not gloss over this point. This is such a profound realization - at least to me. I've known my whole life that something was different about me. Every one knew something was up when I was a kid, but it was a different time. DSM5 wasn't a thing, Aspergers wasn't nearly as well understood as it would later become, and Autism meant something very different than it generally does today. When I was a kid, Autism meant dabilitatingly Autistic. The word conjured images of young mute children screaming uncontrollably, hitting their heads on the wall, themselves, biting caregivers, and generally spending a life in an institution or otherwise spend their days as societal rejects. I've been struggling a lot more recently in my life though, having just turned 40. If you could observe my behaviors as a kid vs. now, at least in context of autistic traits, I would present much more clearly as being autistic now than I would then. And you just said something that really gave me a good answer as to the "why" part of that statement. Ultimately, my life changed. I can't afford the luxury of casual masking the way I used to because I no longer have the time nor energy for it. I have a family that needs my care, time, and attention. I have a home that needs regular upkeep, I have things that take priority over my own personal creature comforts of whatever I perceive as my mental limitations. I'm not dismissing any of these, because the number of meltdowns I've experienced in the last couple years has been off the rails for me. I just couldn't figure out why this was happening. I barely try and mask anymore. I just roll the autistic dice and whatever comes out of my brain and subsequently my mouth is what I'm going with. That doesn't mean I don't care about what's being said, I just don't hide my autistic traits nearly as much as I used to. I have a motor tic that gets looks sometimes, I get visibly stressed out when there's too much going on around me, my sensitivity to lights (especially fluorescent lights), random electronic noises, just the world around me. I get home now and it's noise canceling headphones as much as I can get away with, and I immediately fall into my routine as soon as I can. I kept asking myself, "Does autism get worse with age?" and now it just seems I'm simply struggling with my day to day life to mask. I'm okay with that though. I just wish I could balance my work life out a bit better so that I'm not in a constant state of stress that swings me hard between burnout and meltdowns. My meltdowns have gotten worse, going from mostly emotional to physical, and I instinctively start hitting myself in the head. Nothing about it feels good as far as what I know it looks like goes. It scares the hell out of people around me, which in turn makes me more stressed out. I feel like not letting it play out though is worse for me personally, so I don't restrain it like I used to. Thank you MotS for your channel, these videos, and being open to sharing your experiences. I'm a guy on the spectrum, and I can tell there's some key differences between the way you experience you're autism to the way I experience mine, but the similarities are just... I don't know how to say it, there's something comforting knowing I'm not alone. My autism was periodically misdiagnosed as depression - this was usually after a meltdown, or during a prolonged period of burnout. I can see how these things can cause mixed signals though, so I don't blame the therapists at the time for misdiagnosing them, again, autism wasn't this thing we recognize it as now. Knowing your boys have a mother that understands autism on such a deep personal level gives me so much hope for the future of children with autism moving forward. It's been a long hard road for people on the spectrum, because we've never had an answer for what causes us to struggle the way we do, and I'm looking forward to how much better we can make the world for people like us when we have the knowledge, tools, and compassion that's needed to bring the best out of each of us. God bless you and thank you for all that you do!

I just found your channel a few days ago through the Youtube algorithm. I never thought that I might be on the spectrum. I'm still not sure that I am. I feel that I'm not "normal" enough to be classified as neurotypical, but neither do I feel that I am "autistic enough" to classified as a person on the spectrum. I have had issues with social interaction with people all my life. When I was a kid or teenager, every friend I had abandonded me eventually except for one. One of them said outright that I was too boring of a person to be around. I never fit in with groups and have always preferred one on one social interaction. I have always spent abnormally large amounts of time alone, as social interaction wears me out. My biggest issue is that I think I have been masking for such an enormous portion of my life that I don't know which part of me is the masking behaviour and which is the real me. Masking is also what has made social interaction so draining for me. It's hard work not being yourself! But I'm wondering if non autistic people mask as well, as I don't know if I'm "autistic enough". I hope no one takes offense for my use of the term "autistic enough". It's probably just me still having this stereotypical outlook on what autism is. But I do wonder where the line is drawn between a neurotypical and an autistic person. Maybe I'm just right on the border and that's why I'm so confused. Sorry about this rambling comment. I want to thank you Tay for your channel and your videos. Keep up the good work, you are doing something really important!

I never considered autism for myself, but after watching “love on the spectrum” and noticing several similarities between myself and some of the individuals on the show, I became obsessed. After finding your channel, and hearing about your experiences, etc. I’m sure that I am on the spectrum. I have the start of my assessment coming up!

When I was a lad, my mum always used to say " Looking people in the eyes is a sign of honesty which represents you've nothing to hide " She never understood why I wasn't able to do it and ''tis true, people sometimes might be under the impression of talking to a wall 'cause my mind is daydreaming or travelling in a "parallel universe" :). My imagination is like a stream of consciousness that flows freely ,Great video and thanks for the colossal mission you've been carrying out. In those tough periods you're a beacon of light to many .

I do enjoy reading fiction, particularly children's books like Harry Potter or His Dark Materials. I have to hide away in my bedroom for hours to read those; I never want to read on the train or wherever other things are going on around me. I definitely like routine and don't like changes. Unknown or crowded places make me feel anxious.

From a neurotypical... thank you so much for explaining all this! It has helped me better understand and validate why my husband is the way he is. I have struggled in our marriage for over 40 yrs. Hopefully, this info will also help him understand himself better. Thank you, again!

Someone commented in here about watching people's mouths when they talk. I believe it was a Chloe? I was relying to her, but I lost it. Then continued on with basically a LOT of my journey. Oh my gosh! Same! I have always watched people's mouths when they are talking to me. I've gotten pretty good at lip reading from all the years of doing it. But I cannot look at people at all when I'm talking to them. Not even my own 34 year-old daughter. Who I would literally die for. So why can I not look her in the eyes?! I was molested when I was 6ish years old. Did I look him in the eyes at some point & that's why I can't look people in the eyes? Autism? Both? One thing that really-really upsets me is that I have seen Dr. Phil say many times that if someone doesn't look you in the eyes, that is one way to tell they are lying to you! I have always gotten so anxious when I have seen him say that. Because there is one thing I am NOT. And that is a liar! I have always been told that I'm too honest for my own good. But now, I'm learning that blurting things out is also a part of having ADHD or Autism. Not having control of my brain & the initial instinct to blurt things out. I still don't know how to differentiate between the two. I also have agoraphobia. Which has been extremely hard keeping friends. I have never felt comfortable going places that I'm unfamiliar with. Unless I'm with someone I feel safe with. Even my husband has a hard time understanding how I can be in an Arena yelling at the top of my lungs, but that I can't get myself to go, or having a very uncomfortable time going to say, a family function. Even my own family. I've always felt different & that I don't fit in. I also have a very hard time retaining anything I read. I have alllways felt so awkward & that I didn't fit in anywhere. I could never join in with crowds. I was only really comfortable with my 2 best friends. I tried so hard to be like the others so I would be accepted. But it was sooo exhausting that I spent the majority of my time with those 2 best friends. Having a hard time at my own family get togethers, I feel it's even worse with my in-laws. I want to be like everyone else & do things like everyone else. I feel so judged because I can't. I had a 'friend' during a phone conversation actually tell me after I told her that I can't go into groceries stores by myself. She yelled at me & said, "Yes you can!" I said, " No... I can't. " She yelled so loud, " YES YOU CAN. " And I yelled back just as loud trying to get her to hear me, "NO I CAN'T!" And she had the nerve many times to tell me she knows me better than anyone else. Even my husband & daughter. I just so badly wanted to laugh so hard & say, " You only know what I LET you know about me. " Maybe if I trusted her more, I would have confided more about things I really feel. Then, I now realize that my mom has a very hard time accepting the fact that I could actually have any of these things! Just recently I was trying to have a conversation with her about the different things in my life, what I've lived with, & learning these new things about myself. Even bringing up being molested! When I first told her about being molested, all she could say was, " Why didn't you tell me!? Why didn't you tell your sisters!? " I don't frigging knowwww! I was 6ish years old! Maybe the boy threatened me. Maybe he bribed me. IDK! And now, just a week ago, all she can say to me when I'm trying to actually have a conversation with her about all the things I've lived with, the things I'm learning about myself, etc, she said, " Can we talk about something else? I'm sorry! But it is very depressing! " Ok. Thanks mother. I get it now. The ONE person in my life, besides my daughter, that I SHOULD be able to feel safe with, to confide in with my deepest darkest fears, I can't trust with my own feelings!? I now know I can never ever try to have any type of conversation with her about me & my life again. I am just depressing to her! I am so unbelievably heartbroken. I really don't even know what to do with my emotions about it. She had told me years ago after not talking to her for, I think 3 years, that I just need to let things go & move on. Well I'm sorry mom! Try living with this your entire F'n life! She tries to talk me out of believing that what I'm feeling is realistic. Because she says she also has some of the things I have. Insinuating that because SHE can work & stand up at a podium in front of coworkers, when she has anxiety about it beforehand, but she does it, that I should be able to do things like that too! That because SHE can get herself to go into Walmart by herself, I should be able to, too! My husband just recently went to Nashville for a week with his mom. While talking to my mom about that, she says, " you 'should have' gone, too." I said, " I can't get myself to go on a plane. " And she said, " Ooooh, *insert my name here*. " I said, "Mom! That is parrrt of it!" That is part of how my brain functions! And she doesn't want to hear it, or accept it. I don't know. Then I tell her how I'm feeling & she tells me not to think of her like that!?! She doesn't like going out to the street to get their garbage can because she doesn't want any of her neighbors to approach her. Ok, so she does get it 'somewhat'? But I just want to scream at her & say, "WELL I'M NOT YOU! I DON'T HAVE THE ABILITY TO DO WHAT YOU CAN! " She told one of my sisters & I years ago while we were there visiting her, "I don't want you kids(4) to have any unsaid feelings when I'm gone." Well, what am I to do with that now? She doesn't want to hear any of my feelings. I'm so sorry for the extent of this post. But I really do not have ANYONE not a single person that I can express my feelings to. Not even my husband, who I believe has ADHD/Autism also. He told me a few years ago that 90% of what I say to him, he has no interest in. 😭 And then my daughter, who was just recently diagnosed with ADHD, PTSD, ASD, PDA... her brain is CONSTANTLY go,go,go. She has a hard time staying focused, hence, unable to really hear what I'm saying. But to me, I feel like she's totally uninterested. 😢 Like Taylor says, " if you've met one ASD person, you've met ONE ASD person." Not one of us are the same! If you took the time to read all of this, I then you from the bottom of my heart. Truly.

I consider autism as an experience. Everyone likes to debate how autism is for one person and eventually they've gotten to a point where they say "when you meet an autistic person, you have only met one person on the spectrum". I describe it as a way to experience the world and people who are on the spectrum experience it differently from people who are not neurodivergent. ✌️

So I just turned 28 and only found out like 3 weeks ago that when people say that they make eye contact when talking to others they actually mean direct eye contact. I always thought that was an exaggeration. I usually look at their mouth, cheeks, neck, ears, hair, hands. Basically anything but their eyes. I thought that was normal.

Hypersensitivity to smells, lights, temperature, and sounds have cost me jobs, school and even relationships. Literally walked off a job because it was too air conditioned in the building and the restroom “freshener” overwhelmed my workstation (situated 12’ feet from the restroom door). I can hardly tolerate being in the car with my husband because we argue over AC/heat temperature and noise of the blower or different music tastes/stereo volume. Of course I’m to blame for being the problem!