Autism and ADHD in Women | 8 Areas of Frustration

I am self diagnosed as autistic at age 57, but couldn't work out why, if I'm autistic, I also get bored so easily but need routine, get distracted but have episodes of hyper focus, can't remember things yet absorb vast amounts of knowledge when researching, have a routine, boring job and want more but know I wouldn't be able to cope if I got it, want to travel the world yet want to stay home, all the things I've started but not finished in my life. I never knew why. Your video has explained it all. Thank you.

I think this (ASD + ADHD) is why I loved college so much. I could set my schedule (ASD routine), but it changed every semester (ADHD change). It was the perfect balance!

With ADHD, I know I don’t produce enough dopamine, so I’m ever on the hunt for dopamine rushes. With autism, I often can’t handle the kinds of things that create dopamine rushes, like parties, concerts, and so on. But you can get the dopamine fix you need and make both sides happy by doing things like reading an exciting book, watching an exciting movie, creating art, or doing exercise. Just so you know, sometimes the rush comes from buying things, and/or collecting them, like musical instruments, art supplies, or shoes. You may never use them, but you gain a sense of well-being just by having them.

"You don't know what your body is wanting from you." yes. This is what it is, exactly.

I nearly spit my coffee out when you said "...and it would be really fun to crochet right now." Girl, you had me laughing so hard! You are exactly describing my thought process. I was diagnosed ADD at nearly 40 and have suspected that I'm also on the Autism spectrum as well for some time now. That inner struggle with wanting to pursue special interests, but also needing to stay home in my comfort zone can be really frustrating. Thank you for sharing. Just discovered your channel today and subscribed.

The push and pull of autism and ADHD is such a great point. As someone with autism and predominantly hyperactive type ADHD, it's SO difficult to feel like I have all this energy inside, but feel anxious about doing all the great things I have in my brain. It's so frustrating. Too many days I feel like I'm in anxious paralysis and I can't do anything I need to do, OR WANT TO DO. Any tips for dealing with that? I feel like I don't even get into hyperactive spurts anymore and I loved that feeling of hyperactively just delving into something. Same with quickly picking up and dropping special interests. I feel like I can't become the master of anything and it makes me sad cause I'm not fulfilling what I wanted to achieve in life and I'm wasting so much time. How can I get past this?

This is exactly how I feel, I have an intrinsic need for organization and routine but can't stick to either and spend too much time on planning them. I love going to live music events and being out but I also always debate it and go out based on how adventurous I feel that day and alcohol usually helps a little and I need a lot of time to recover after. I love meeting new people and making friends but I never seem to "fit in" and always feel like an outsider. I have a lot of interests and unmastered hobbies too lol and love researching everything all the time, I got 100+ tabs open on my phone 😅 it is really tough to be pulled both ways, I always thought I just had ADHD which made sense then started looking into ASD and it made even more sense to have both, I think ever since I started my ADHD meds my ASD traits from chilhood started to come out more again and that my ADHD masked my ASD a lot. I struggled to understand the difference between them because I thought they must be the same but really I most likely just have both and that's why I struggled differentiating between them.

All those things you said... Wow. So true. The schedule thing is frustrating. I love making detailed, predictable schedules, but then when it's time to start following them my ADHD brain says, "You're not the boss of me!"

As a later-in-life diagnosee of ADHD, and self-diagnosed ASD, finding your channel and others like "I'm Autistic, Now What?" has been so revelatory! I feel seen! I'm not an alien! I'm not alone! Thank you so much for putting yourself in the spotlight and speaking up about your experiences and research towards understanding yourself and educating others!!!

Oh my gods. I resonate with everything you are saying! I only discovered I might be autistic last year at age 40. I finally got diagnosed with ADHD at 30, however, something's still seemed missing out of the equation. Just some of my struggles didn't match with JUST ADHD. You verbalize my everyday experience. I have yet to be diagnosed with autism. It's expensive, and I'm honestly still afraid no one will believe me. I tried to get diagnosed with ADHD as a teen and again in my early 20's. I masked so well at the time I was just dismissed.

A few days ago on my TikTok ADHD suggestions there was a video about "lacking" hyperactivity. It's still there, it just manifests itself differently in adults and in people like me, who are predominantly inattentive. Sure, we can sit for a long time almost still, but we are impulsive and moody sometimes.

Wow, this is a superb description of how I seem to operate. I'm 21 and was recently diagnosed with ADHD and through informal testing (take-home questionnaires) by my therapist, told that I may have Aspergers (or high-functioning autism) as well. I have done a lot of independent research in trying to understand myself and why I am the way I am. This has ranged from looking into the mental health sphere to the effects of childhood trauma, being an HSP or empath, to my astrological signs, to gaslighting myself and believing that I am completely normal and simply searching for an excuse for my extreme discomfort living in this world. Currently, I am working most with mood dysregulation and socialization. I find my moods, wants, and desires are so earth-shatteringly extreme when I am feeling them but in a short span of time, they are gone. It is comforting to know this when it is anger, fear, etc. but supremely frustrating when I want to create art, exercise, chat with others, journal because that desire fades quickly and I feel "trapped" in a commitment. I have improved with coping with this by affirming that "I am safe" "I chose to commit to this and therefore and free to leave, but am choosing to continue" or "Am choosing not to continue doing this activity to honor my boundaries." My WHY or motivation changes daily, sometimes by the moment, and I am learning to accept that and use whatever is going to motivate me at that moment. That being said, I am emotionally up and down constantly, extremely affected by my environment and the moods of others, and very socially isolated. It has been worse and it will get better. I appreciate your content. I appreciate your allowing people most vulnerable to misunderstanding an opportunity to feel seen. Thank you!

Just found your channel today. April 8, 2022. I am 70 years old (born 1951) and have always been very aware about myself being "different" but you can imagine the early 1950's, was not exactly a time to get support for being on the spectrum. I have 2 adult daughters ( they are now 50 yrs and 44yrs) both with some traits on the spectrum, and 2 brilliant adult grandsons. When I saw the film "Neurotypical" , I saw traits that are" me" for sure and of course "Temple Grandin" helped as well as her book "Thinking in Pictures". This is a great YouTube video and channel and actually I am laughing here or there. Thank You so much. I did subscribe here.

This was like having someone explain my own brain back to me. Brilliant video. :)

I have been diagnosed with ADHD as an adult and have been doing some self-reflection today... the conclusion was that I feel like a living, breathing contradiction. I am so disorganized, yet I desperately need order. I have to have a routine, but now that I have one, I feel trapped and resentful because without it I feel completely overwhelmed and yet having it stops me from being spontaneous and doing what I'm excited/driven to do. I can be OVERLY sociable at times but mostly I do everything in my power to avoid human interaction because it takes me weeks to recover from it. I can spend hours, days and weeks researching something I am passionate about but can't remember most of what I learn. At the same time with all those hours, days and weeks I spend deep diving into a particular topic/interest I will somehow put off REALLY important things, until I am either threatened with consequences, or more often am suffering the consequences of my inaction. I can be so focused on the origins of Theosophy or Norse Mythology or learning a wool craft but I drive 15 minutes to the shop without my wallet. I hear absolutely everything but I hate noise. I can talk for hours about what I am interested in but find it EXCRUCIATING to talk about something im not interested in. I experience really BIG feelings like empathy but have to remind myself how to display empathy (in words and body language). I feel like nothing makes sense but I am absolutely exhausted most of the time just trying to navigate how my brain works. This idea that there can be a combined diagnoses makes things more understandable but no less daunting. Thanks for your video.

It was like you were describing me 🤯 I was only diagnosed last year aged 30. I can't help but think about how different my life would have been if I had support as a child. This is why I am studying my masters of psychology!

New subscriber here and I'm sitting here with my jaw hanging open because I feel for once that someone UNDERSTANDS me. The push-pull you describe (and resulting frustration) is so spot on! I was diagnosed with ADHD Inattentive type at age 48 and highly suspect that I have autism as well. I have a terrible time trying to explain how/why I am to people because it seems like such a dichotomy and I can't make it make sense. I'm definitely saving this video and sending it to people that I'm close to for those times when I need them to understand what is going on with me. Thank you SO much for putting into words what I have been unable to. The fact that you have these diagnoses and are able to do this amazes me! I know it must take a lot for you to create them and I want you to know I really appreciate it. You are giving a voice to so many voiceless. Will be sending you $. Happy Holidays!

My whole life has been a constant tug of war between pulled between my adhd and ASDL1 without understanding the why until my day of discovery at 48 (after having my kids discovered). It feels so validating to understand my neurodiversity and helpful as I help my children understand how to embrace their own neurodiversity to help them thrive and grow. Thank you for this!!!

I have never been diagnosed but the way I screamed in agreement every 5 seconds was telling 😂

So I have always been a nail-biter and subconsciously always am moving. Rubbing my nails together, moving my feet. I never realized this is considered hyperactivity, or "stimming." I'm 69 and still learning and am just now learning to accept and understand my "diverse" brain.