13 Signs You're Dating a 'Nice Guy' Narcissist | Covert Narcissism traits

In the beginning - It's like finding the most sincere kindest person in the whole wide world. They are nice and gentle. They are affectionate. They will cuddle you and hold you. A couple months in you will notice that they seem to lack in the intimacy department but you will dismiss that to shyness. They will mimic/mirror your style of communication & you the entire time (which goes unnoticed until they become distant with you & use new words). I learned that If you express intimate emotions they will say “I feel the same way for you too or I would do the same thing for you or I love you just as much or I'm glad to hear that.” Which feels insincere and robotic. However you might dismiss that to shyness or inexperience expressing feelings (even tho they could be gorgeous & clearly experienced with women). They will never voluntarily just express their love for you in their own words and say how much they love or miss you. Very rarely will you get an “I miss you" or ” love you" for no reason at all. You will wonder why? Like do they have any feelings? So, you find yourself working harder to make them feel more safe & more loved in hope's that they provide that love back to you. It's easy to dismiss them withholding as a lack of trust or insecurity because they seem so nice. You will look for logic in behaviors and with Coverts there is never any logic which will lead your further down a rabbit hole creating confusion. In time you will start to doubt your own perception of what you see and lack the clarity to see the abuse. You will have more anxiety, lack inner peace & feel tired. Your physical appearance might change where you either gain or lose weight. You struggle to keep yourself at peace. Its exhausting. By now, you have became an expert at everything they like. You take on all the chores and make their life as easy as possible. You feel isolated too b/c they kept you “away". You feel so confused b/c you worked so hard to break down their walls in hopes of a more consistent close bond with them. One day they seem really into you and the next they withhold affection. It's hard trying to figure out what is wrong. The more you vocalize your feelings the more they encourage you with their words that everything is ok. You certainly don't feel “ok" but you make peace with it the best you can and start “withholding” your feelings too b/c they have made you feel like your “too" sensitive and it's too much! Most of the time it will feel like they are present in the flesh but nothing else is going on inside them. Even after all this time you've been together you still feel like you don't really know them. If you happened to gain the courage at a later time to ask more questions as to why things still feel off they will say your being insecure & that they aren't cheating and make you feel like you have issues. If you cry they will watch tv, stare at their phone or even continue to eat dinner. They won't ever give you all their undivided attention & acknowledge your pain. Which makes you more confused bc their actions doesn't match their words. They won't look at you while you cry, they seem like it causes them shame to see you cry. At times you might feel like your having to teach them about feelings as if they were a child. You will wonder why their emotional intelligence seems very immature/off. Everything they have is something you also don't have access too. Their family, phone, friends, bank accounts, pay stubs, credit card statements, and etc. You will start off feeling like they are very private or insecure & years in it now feels like they are super secretive b/c it makes no sense for them to still be so private. They promise things that they don't see through or conveniently feel bad or forget everything that is important to you. They will isolate you and hide their relationship with you. When you express that something about what they are doing isn't right then they act like they lack understanding and that they do nothing to hurt you. You will always be explaining everything and wondering why they just don't get it! They will even use apologies as a form of manipulation. (lack of empathy and no change to their behavior). You will always feel like you need to phone a friend to ask if your situation is normal because this person will give you $200 to pamper yourself but won't invite you to Christmas dinners or let you have access to their phone. They will leave/abandon/ghost you to say they are sleeping at a relative's house then on their way home they will offer to bring you breakfast or something from the store. Even their giving is a form of manipulation. They want to distract you with gifts to keep you off balanced from the emotional abuse they are putting you through. When you ask them why they didn't come home they will say they felt like you didn't want them around or etc. You will spend the entire relationship wondering how someone who seems like such a nice person can be so emotionally cold. Moreover, People wonder why they end up hurt, seriously hurt, and even killed for their own actions. Cheating is a choice and there’s simply a lot of ignorance in the process.... Thank you so much for helping me out Barryinvestigation@gmail. com. Your advice and services helped me so much. You are a lifesaver !!! The information you gave me about my cheating partner when you gave me access to his phone was everything I needed to get,.. thank you very much..

1. Excessive Flattery 2. Charming Persona 3. Grandiose Identity 4. Inconsistent Behavior 5. Manipulative Niceness 6. Validation from Others 7. Martyr Complex 8. Inability to Handle Criticism 9. Gaslighting Tendencies 10. Boundary Violation 11. Triangulation 12. Narcissistic Rage 13. Conditional Love

What is terrible is the time they steal. So much time.

You're describing 100% of my current husband. Because he is so nice and loved by most people, I often doubt if he actually is a narcissist. But when he is mean, he can be so dismissive and cruel , no empathy at all. It's almost like there is a different person who lives inside this "nice guy"'s body

My ex was all of these signs. He treated strangers way better than he did me. I use to feel so disrespected & over time became very insecure, confused, just bad about myself

This is when the phrase, "behind closed doors", is highly significant. Many victims and abused peoples are often deemed "crazy" or "the problem".

Almost 8 years free from my nice guy narcissist, and I still need videos like these to help me not feel like I am crazy.

You will be treated like gold for months. Everything is hot and heavy - you found the perfect partner who is attentive, affectionate and passionate. The first red flag is they keep sharing their own stories (non stop blabbing from their aide) and don’t seem to be too interested in what’s going on in your life. The convos always switch back to what’s going on with them. Suddenly there is a switch and they are indifferent. For NO reason. There was no argument, no fight - in fact, the night before might have been one of your best nights together. After that switch, they will never ever come back to normal. You will be faced with constant silent treatment. You will be walking on eggshells. The minute you corner them and ask them what the hell is going on - you will be stonewalled. They gain power this way. You will be CONFUSED af. You will do everything you can to have the “old” them back, because you don’t like this new version. What you need to realize is the “old” version never existed. It was a complete lie and act - learned from friends, movies etc. It was a character made just for you - it’s no surprise you had a lot in common and now suddenly you don’t. The person you fell in love with completely disappeared, they are ghost. It is absolutely heartbreaking and devastating. All you see is the same body without the same soul. The more frustrated they see you - the more the run and push you away because they don’t want you to see that it was all a mask. Affection is out the window at this point. They can barely kiss or hold hands, but when earlier you were on their lap 247. The real them came out and the mask is off - they hate any from of emotion or love because they are not capable of it. You will be faced with constant gaslighting and they will try to distort your reality so you don’t see them for who they really are. You need to run like the wind - this relationship only makes you destroyed. Their friends don’t know.. for the covert ones - only their romantic relationship partners can figure it out. Because they are so careful with their image, it’s all about perception management. And one day… after all the cognitive dissonance and sleepless nights and feeling sick to your stomach.. you open YouTube and it’s a door to all your answers. You are well with a narcissistic psychopath that has no feelings. Leave and never look back. Additionally, Metaspyhub@gmail. com is a company that is ideal if you need to be able to confront a cheating spouse because they have some of the most advanced features in the industry.

This was my ex-boyfriend to a T. The worst part about it was that when I dumped him, I lost friends and people turned on me. "How could you break up with him? He was so kind and nice!" You didn't date him, OK? He was only kind and nice when it suited him.

I just had a terrible break up with a guy like this 2 weeks before my 29th birthday. It was the most traumatic experience because I told my entire family that he was the one. Only to find that I had become romantically involved with another narcissist. Thank God that relationship only lasted 8 months 🙏🏽

This is the best description of my ex-husband I've found. He would always say "But, I'm a nice guy". He was and still is a monster.

This describes my ex so well.... I realized after getting away that anytime someone was nice to me i worried they they were trying to manipulate me into letting my guard down. It was rough... I've since healed enough to realize there's genuinely nice people out there but I'm only to the point where as long as i keep them at arms length i can feel safe. Nice guy narcissists really do the most damage imo cause it makes you not be able to trust basic human decency...

My advice to women as a non-narcissist guy that's dealt with many male narcissists; figure it out sooner what you're dealing with. To do that ask straight questions right away and look him right in the eye. Do you want a family? Do you just view me as an object? What is the longterm plan here? Do you have debt? Are you stable? Have you ever cheated on a partner? (Yes you should ask these questions, a good guy will have no problem answering). Don't be ashamed about being open. If he's worth your time he'll be honest and straight questions will be met with honesty and appreciation. If he's not worth your time he'll dodge questions, repeatedly change the subject, manipulate and deceive. Don't confuse nervousness for deception, if he's a good guy he could be nervous so you might not get exactly the answer you're looking for, so you have to be patient like a caring partner would be. But you'll know, if you maintain eye contact, if it's nervousness or if he's running a scheme in his head to manipulate you. If your question doesn't get answered say that it wasn't answered and ask it again, nicely. The longer you wait to find out the harder it will be. If you try to be direct and you're not sure if you're being manipulated you're almost certainly being manipulated. The sooner you do this the better, don't let him charm you, just look straight at him. Don't be mean or anything but stick up for yourself. An honest man will gravitate towards you when you do that, a dishonest man will not be able to hide himself if you are direct.

The Nice Guy Narcissistic relationship is indeed very difficult & lonely. If you're his/her only target behind closed doors, you can end up blaming yourself & twisting yourself into pretzels for years trying to please them & not know what's wrong. You assume you must be crazy, since no one else seems to see or experience it. Trust your gut & intuition!

You just described everything about my husband of 37years. It took me so long to figure this out and finally wake up to what was happening. He is a super nice guy and very involved in the church and all of his commitments to the church always took priority over me and my needs. He is such a do gooder that I felt selfish for having any needs. It turned out to be a very lonely unhappy, unfulfilled life. I finally left him 3weeks ago. Now I am facing a lot of opposition from my children because he has brainwashed them and they just don't understand what I have been through. I have tried to explain but they just don't get it. Hopefully in time they will understand and I won't be looked upon as the bad guy who broke up the family. 😢

Wow! This really hits home! The cognitive dissonance in a relationship with someone like this is mentally destructive. The lack of authentic relating is mind scrambling. My mother and my last partner displayed these traits. I find myself highly suspect of "nice" behavior as a result of these relationships. Thanks for the clarity!

What’s even scarier is if they are well known but deep down nobody really knows who they are in real life. People will have a “nice” view of them. They’ll manipulate the story about you to fit their public image. Be careful! They are out for blood, especially if you reject the “nice” guy.

When the nice guy makes you feel like you're very selfish and over-entitled just because you have simple wants, intimacy, closeness, needs, or concerns. With any inch of communication you give, they give you an entire mile of distance to walk it while they are continuing to tend to their self validation needs like it's some obsession or drug. Then comes the tidal wave of "oh you're being too dramatic" or "oh my gosh you always have sudden outbursts" in order to gaslight you into believing that you're "too extreme" or "intense" when approaching any issues. And then get called "you're too thirsty" or something ridiculous like that when you're simply seeking at least an ounce of physical affection all after you having been made used to the physical affection exclusively during the love bombing stage. I think one of the best analogies to this is, "They fill you to the brim and then starve you once they get what they wanted. They make you happy with scraps, but the scraps are only readily used for keeping you on the leash."

Even being friends with the "nice guy" is the WORST. They are THE WORST. In retrospect, UNBEARABLE.. SUCH a GOOD video..

Married to this nice guy narc for 24 yrs- a clergyman- thx for exact description - the rage was hard to take- not about me but even as a witness awful to live w on top of everything else. The triangulation awful too/ Got out at 65 yrs old— can’t believe I’m alive. Hope everyone hears this- save yourself. Bless 🙏🙆🏻‍♀️💜