Misunderstanding Autism & Body Language – Am I Anti-Social or just tired?

Having to mask around people who don't know me is so exhausting.

Some people tell me what my mood is based on the behavior they have just witnessed, often with knowing so little about me. When I was younger I tended to believe them without question.

You're absolutely right. That complicated message simply can't be conveyed with body language. I'm learning how to to "self-advocate" now, and it especially helps that more people in my personal world know about my ASD. I have greater freedom now to just say it: "You know, my mind is so fried right now, I can barely maintain twenty seconds of focus. I really want to talk with you, but now is a horrible time for me to try to do it meaningfully, do you mind?"

I figured out I am autistic just 2 years ago at 54 years old. (I am female) Growing up I had a terrible time with my mother. She always seemed to be so very negative towards me and we just clashed like oil and water. But since realizing I am autistic and knowing that autisim may be genetic, I began to analyze my mothers behavior much differently. Suddenly I understand her much better. Our relationship is much, much, improved.

This video is so validating to me. I’ve been recently questioning a diagnosis of ASD. I have been trying to explain this exact experience to mental health professionals for YEARS and they tell me I have social anxiety or it’s normal not to know how to make conversation with people you don’t know or ignore what I said all together. I didn’t know how to explain to them so they understood that I have “No thoughts head empty just vibes.” I often can’t think of anything to say because I have to somehow bypass my brain having no thoughts and it makes me exhausted. It’s made me really struggle in social situations because I don’t know how to navigate it or what I was going through and people nitpick my behavior or call me names or just shy my entire life.

Yeah, very much enjoying the quiet relaxed state and not wanting to turn it into something else with tension.

Not having safe people to be around with Results into me wanting to be left alone lol I don't mind my own company

When family would visit and stay overnight or even longer is where I have had most issues. I always told them I need lots of rest and to not be offended when I need to go to my room and shut my door. I just fiqured if they were offended it was on them because I warned them ahead of time. I’m very sure family always thought that I was very odd. I was never officially diagnosed, but I self diagnosed a few years back taking the online tests. I’m 72, so I have had to mask for many many years, and it sucks out energy of which I don’t have much these days. I love this channel as I identifey and have learned so much. Thank you.

I was just diagnosed earlier this year, at 49, so my special interest is currently ASD! 😁 Thank you Paul for your take on body language not matching your inside feelings. I have always struggled with this, but never knew why. I am open about being autistic and have taught my friends and colleagues about spoon theory so we have a code if i am spent. Otherwise, i still mask very well. Much love to all.

This issue is really important to me. That of not being able to be around people because I am not able to meet the conditions they have for being social - and it can be lots of things. I don't even call it masking. I just am not able to adjust to their codes. I've been disappointed and sometimes annoyed at how people assume that their own social codes are normative and non-negotiable while any request or desire to do things in a different way is somehow wrong. Why? If behavior isn't hurting anyone, why not consider different ways of doing things. Listening to your friends isn't a sign of weakness, it's a sign of being a decent and open human. And I think the narrowness and lack of flexibility and understanding that people are different hurts everyone. Autism may have an official diagnosis, but people without autism are WAY more varied than is sometimes assumed.

I experience this all the time. Something about my lack of facial expressions and the way I say things (even online or texting) makes people think I'm angry or arguing, even when I am happy and trying to be friendly. Sometimes when I say something people find lots of other hidden meanings and accuse me of feeling/thinking various things that I did not think.

That low energy state you are talking about... I call it the "Battery saving mode". I never thought about it as being calm, but I guess you might be right... I could call it being calm if I am alone, but with other people around they think I'm angry or depressed.

I've been burnt out since this summer and became depressed after a friend died a little less than a month ago. Seasonal depression is starting to kick in too.

ALWAYS. I get accused of being a snob, mad, sad, and other related terms. Of course there is always the jabs that there is something WRONG with you, if you are a quiet person or an introvert around many people, or you don't enjoy crowds, and large social gatherings. Large being a non-specific quantity, because it depends on the situation. In small groups of people I know, and feel comfortable around, I'm fine. Usually, my discomfort starts at about 5 or more people.

i prefer using the term "a-social" over "anti-social". "anti-social" comes with a huge burden, stigma, by being easilly lumped together with anti-social personality disorder and psychopathy, which already happens way to often when media coverage of crimes uses "autism" as a label for anti-social/psychopathic behaviors. same goes for narcissism and autism...

"Misunderstood" is the theme of my entire social life since I can remember

Holy crap! This was really helpful. I experience a lot of this and beat myself up for my behavior . No wonder I'm always exhausted and hating myself. Thanks for the illumination.

I've been told l was mean when I was merely concentrating. And told I was always angry when I was recovering from a serious illness.

Yes, sometimes I need a sensory break and be alone, but sometimes just want to exist around people, no one looking at me or expecting something from me, just being there

In my case demands are the biggest turn off, whether they are explicitly formulated or not. What I need most of the time, is someone to be around not someone to talk with. But most people are afraid of silence and find it awkward (even offensive). They would complain about me being quiet and then complain about me not being socially correct as soon as I open my mouth. So I just avoid "normal people", their company is too exhausting for me. Their frustration and dramatic reactions to my flat affect tend to aggravate me. Not judging, it's just a plain fact ! They have every right to enjoy lively and emotional social interactions, but I just wish they wouldn't force me to join them. I'll stop here, because I could literally write a book on the subject... I do have a friend whom I managed to live with for some time. She was at home and we wouldn't talk, busy minding our own business, having a few genuine interactions, direct communication, blunt and to the point: PERFECT ! But again, not everyone is up for that... I'm being antisocial to avoid collateral damage and unnecessary drama.